Call It Kinky, Swinky or perverse, but I think we all have our “little things” that help make our sex lives different.
But what about swingers – is it enough that we Swing? I have had a few (ok, many) emails that ask about Fetishes and in particular about BDSM and Swinging.
The main things that are asked are about clubs – many offer an area for use in BDSM Play but can You really play out a full scene in them? I would say No – I know one couple that played in one of these areas and got told to stop as it was “too much” for the bystanders to take! They are now taking their play away from swingers clubs and to places where they know they will be able to “pink it up” without being told they are “abnormal”.
Many people both swingers and in the Vanilla world just think of BDSM as either being in pain or being the pain supplier but it is (apparently Lol) so much more than this.
To play out a scene you have to be in a safe zone and trust those you are not only Playing with but also those that may be Watching.
It may be that the Dom and the sub live their lives Fully in this way or just use it to “scene” every now and again. Some people do not even use BDSM as a sexual gratification but a simple way of life.
BDSM is an erotic experience and not just simply pain, it can be something as simple as spanking your partner or blindfolding them all the way to being dressed in full rubber suits with nothing but a straw to beathe through. The only thing that is important is that all parties are comfortable and are all on the same path emotionally. Communication as always, is they key to this particular lock!
There are many books, DVD’s and “how to” guides out there but the best way to learn is to take it slowly, find out what makes you tick, write a list of things that you think you may want to try and remember to laugh if it all goes wrong.
Being the helpful little soul I am I have a great glossary of BDSM A – Z:
A
Abrasion – To wear down the skin by using friction. Materials and toys such as sandpaper, steel wool, rough cloth, and bottlebrushes are often used. This increases sensitivity while giving both pleasure and pain.
Acomoclitic – Preference for hairless genitals
Acucullophilia – Sexual attraction to men who are circumcised.
Adult Babies – Age play wherein the submissive is the baby. This may include diapering, powdering, wearing a pacifier, sleeping in a crib, etc. Rarely taken to a 24/7 extreme.
Adult Toy Chest – A place where one keeps their sex toys. A sex toy box.
Age Play – play that involves assuming the role of someone of a different age. Most commonly, one of the adults takes on the younger role, usually in the submissive capacity.
Algophilia – Sexual arousal from experiencing pain
Allopellia – Reaching orgasm from watching other people in sexual activities.
Alligator Clamp – A type of nipple clamp with tips that have teeth resembling an alligators mouth. Most clamps of this style Come with removable rubber tips and have adjustment screws to limit how far they can close. Click Here
Altocalciphilia – High heel fetish
Anal Dildo – A dildo that is intended to be used with the anus as the receptor. Click Here
Anal Intercourse – Sex using the anus as the receptor.
Androminetophilia – Sexual arousal from female cross dressers
Ankle Cuffs – Attachable cuffs, generally made of leather, that enable a Dom to immobilize his submissive’s legs
Ankle Restraint – Any device including ankle cuffs that immobilize a submissiveness legs. Click Here
Animal Training – Training where the Dominant has his submissive play the part of an animal, such as horses and dogs. The most common is “puppy play”.
Asphyxiaphilia – see breath control
Autoclave – Professional sterilization device for piercing equipment.
Auto-erotic Asphyxiation – see breath control
Autogynephilia – Sexual arousal from cross-dressing
B
B&D, B/D, B/d – Bondage and Discipline. Although they go together in this phrase, they are not inextricably linked. Bondage means restraining someone in a helpless position (Such as being tied up.) Discipline is training a person to behave in a certain way. They tend to go together because Dominants tend to do both to their submissive.
BDSM – A popular acronym for activities inclusive of (but not limited to) Bondage, Domination/Discipline Submission/Sadism & Masochism. Also called WIITWD, an acronym for “What It Is That We Do.” Both mean this type of alternative Lifestyle. Sometimes the word “Bondage” has the same broad range meaning when used in a descriptive context.
BDSM Toy Box – A place where one keeps their BDSM gear or play equipment.
BJ – expression for blowjob (fellatio); ditto in the BDSM lifestyle.
Ball Gag – A device with a rubber ball and straps, which secures the ball in the bottom’s mouth to stifle screams. Click Here
Ball Stretching – The practice of stretching the scrotal sack so that it hangs lower using weights or other devices to pull on it above the testicles. As the sack is pulled, the testicles are squeezed leading to discomfort and sometime pain. Click Here
Ball Torture – Causing pain to the male testicles, also included in CBT or Cock and ball torture. Click Here
Ball Toys – Toys used for playing with the scrotum – such as weights, straps, etc. Click Here
Ball Weights – Weights used to stretch the scrotum. See Ball Stretching Click Here
BalletBoots – Extremely high heeled boots that require you to stand on the ends of your toes rather than the sole of your foot. Usually they have heels that are 8-9 inches and require considerable training and ability to walk in without assistance. Sometime also referred to as bondage boots. Click Here
Barbell – A straight piece of metal used in piercing, as opposed to a ring.
Basoexia – Sexual arousal from kissing
Bastinado – Foot torture involving the soles of the feet.
Beating – General term for such BDSM activities such as flogging caning, spanking, strapping, etc.
Belonephilia – Sexual arousal from use of needles
Belt – A leather strap used for striking the buttocks.
Blend Modality – Depilation (hair removal) using both electrolysis and thermolysis.
Blindfold – By blocking out sight – a common technique in SM scene – the bottom feels more vulnerable and increases the release of endorphins, thus contributing to the excitement in the scene. Click Here
Blood sports – A group of techniques in which the submissive’s skin is broken and blood is allowed to escape. Such as cutting, using needles, etc. See also “Edgeplay.”
Blowjob – Fellatio, head, sucking cock.
Body Art – Artful body modification including: piercing, tattoos and brandings.
Body Modification – Making alterations to the appearance of the body. Includes, but is not limited to, tattoos, piercings, brandings, scarification.
Body Shaving – Removal of hair with a razor. Female and male submissives commonly shave their pubic hair clean.
Bondage – Making a submissive physically helpless and to a great extent immobilized. Techniques include rope ties, handcuffs, leather cuffs, stocks and mummification.
Bootlicking – Licking and cleaning of a Dominant’s boots by a submissive is a common show of submission. Can also be a fetish.
Bottom – A submissive.
Boy – Term for male submissive (also spelled “boi”)
Boy Toy – A male who is submissive to a dominant. Dominant can be either male or female.
Branding – Making a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a heated metal object. Usually used by a Master to “mark” his slave as his property.
Brat – Term for a sub who tries to get the attention of a Dom/me by “acting up.”
Breast Bondage – Tying up the female breasts with rope.
Breast Press – A device that squeezes the breasts.
Breath Control – another type of “edgeplay” whereby the submissive’s breath is stopped for a short period of time to increase pleasurable sensations. Also called asphyxiaphilia, autoerotic asphyxiation, breath games, breathplay and hypoxyphilia. Very Dangerous.
Bukake – Sexual scene where many men masturbate on and give a “semen bath” to a willing submissive
Bullwhip – A long, heavy leather whip usually longer than 4 feet.
Butterfly Board – A wood board where a male’s scrotum can be nailed or pinned onto.
Buttplug – a “sextoy” shaped to fit into and stay inside the rectum.
Buttplug Harness – Usually a leather harness that prevents a buttplug from being removed either intentional or accidentally from the rectum. Click Here
C
Cage – A bondage practice, wherein the submissive is kept inside a cage. They can be so small as to restrict motion or large enough for two or more people.
Candle – A source of hot wax, which is dripped onto the bottom’s body in BDSM play.
Caning – Using a rattan cane (although they are made of many other substances) on a Submissive. Usually more severe than a flogging. Click Here
Cat – An old school expression for an old school BDSM tool of discipline – the “cat o nine tails”. Click Here
Cat O Nine Tails – a whip that has exactly 9 strands. Some have a knot at the end for increased sensation or sting. Click Here
Catheter – Flexible tube used in medicine; in BDSM catheters designed for the bladder, often utilized in ‘control’ scenes.
Cathterophilia – Sexual arousal from inserting a catheters
CBT – Cock and Ball Torture – Causing pain to the male genital area; usually in controlled, consensual BDSM scenes. Click Here
Chastity Belt – A device used to keep the submissive chaste when the Dominant is away. Comes in both male and female models. Click Here
Chains – Multi-use metal links; used to restrain, restrict movement and/or tie up a submissive.
Chezolagnia – masturbating while defecating
Circumcision – The cutting away of some or the entire foreskin, in males. In the female, circumcision usually refers to the removal of the clitoral hood.
Clamp – Generic term for any BDSM toy (even if garnered at a hardware store) that can clamp some body part of a submissive.
Clingfilm – Generic term for plastic wrap which is used in mummification scenes.
Clip – Generic term for any BDSM toy (even if garnered at a hardware store) that can clip some body part of a submissive.
Clitoridectomy – Surgical removal of the clitoris.
Clitorilingus – Tonguing the clitoris. Also called “eating” which is easier to pronounce.
Clothespins – wooden or plastic clothespins, typically used to produce pain sensation on the skin. Usually on nipples and genital areas.
Clover Nipple Clamps – Type of adjustable nipple clamps that tightens as it is pulled. Also known as Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps. Click Here
Coca-Cola Submissive – A submissive who only obeys the easy stuff or only when he/she feels like it.
Cock Cage – a CBT device that encase a penis shaft inside it. Can be either a solid or web design. Click Here
Cock Cuff – a chastity device that consists of a tube welded to a handcuff, usually both made of stainless stelel. The penis is slide into the tube and the handcuff closes behind the ball sack making removal all but impossible without unlocking the handcuff. A very effective chastity device. Click Here
Cock Ring – Rubber or metal ring that slips round base of cock and balls; supposed to increase duration of erection but also has D/s aspects to it.
Cock Strap – Leather or neoprene strap that wraps around the base of cock and balls to help improve erection.
Cock Sucking – see “fellatio” if you don’t already know.
Cock Torture – Cock and ball torture without the ball torture. Giving pain only to the penis shaft.
Color Codes – such as the hanky code of sexual preference.
Collar and Leash – Worn by the bottom during this type of BDSM play. The Dominant holds the leash and the bottom must follow and obey. Click Here and Click Here
Condom – Latex “rubber” that goes over the penis to prevent semen from entering a vagina. Also known as “rain coat” and “gym cap.”
Consent – To give approval. The BDSM code of “safe, sane and consensual” or “SSC” is the cornerstone of BDSM play. With consent being the most important.
Contract – A written agreement between D/s partners outlining the extent of their relationship. These contracts cannot be legally enforced, but they are often used to define the relationship. See also Slave Contracts.
Control – The Dominant should have control in one form or another over his submissive in any D/s relationship.
Coprolagnia – Sexual excitement derived from eating feces
Coprolalia – Sexual excitement from dirty words
Coprophilia – Gaining sexual pleasure from scat play.
Corporal Punishment – Retributive punishment using repetitive spankings and question and reply to change a bottom’s behavior.
Corset – Very popular clothing item that cinches and narrows the waist and gives the female an “hourglass” figure. Click Here
Crop – A type of whip used in horseback riding, quite popular in BDSM scenes. It stings and can mark a butt severely, but is easy to master and quite reasonable in price. Click Here
Cross – see St. Andrew’s Cross.
Cross Dressing – Dressing in clothing worn by the opposite sex. Does not indicate sexually preference in any way.
Crucifixion – BDSM play wherein a submissive is tied to a cross.
Cuff – A metal or leather bondage device that locks round a limb and can be used to immobilize the sub’s limbs. Click Here
Cunnilingus – Licking and sucking the cunt.
Cunt Torture – Stimulation or pain inflicted on the female genitals. Click Here
Cupping – The placing of suction devices on the skin to increase blood flow. Typically these are used on the nipples and the genitalia. Increasing the blood flow increase sensation as well.
Cutting – Cutting the submissive’s skin with a sterile knife. These can be either temporary or permanent. Made permanent by putting sterile foreign substances into them before they heal. Not for beginners.
D
DM – Acronym for Dungeon Monitor. In a BDSM play party, they watch the scenes to make sure house rules are followed and the play is safe.
DP – Double penetration.
D/s – Popular abbreviation for Dominance and submission. A relationship between a Top and bottom where one is Dominant and the other submissive. Can be for a scene or can be a long-term relationship or anything in between. (Also called Dom-sub, DS, D/S, D&S.)
Dacryphilia – Sexual arousal from seeing tears in the eyes of one’s partner. Something sadists sometimes find enjoyable or arousing.
Daddy – A role taken on by some dominants; especially common in age play.
Depilation – Removal of hair. Many Dominants require their submissive to shave certain areas, their whole body or just their pubic hair.
Dildo – A manufactured penis-shaped object.
Discipline – Whipping, spanking, verbal orders, etc for the purpose of training a submissive.
Dittle Sound – A straight urethral sound.
Dog-Training – Role-play games involving treating the bottom as a dog. Similar to Pony Training where the bottom is treated like a pony.
Dom – Short for Dominant.
Dominant – A Top. who controls a bottom, submissive, or slave.
Domination – Taking the Dominant role – controlling the bottom’s behavior, it can be role-play or in a D/s relationship.
Dominatrix – A Domme; it implies being a professional.
Domme – A female Dominant. Can also be used interchangeably with Mistress
Double Penetration – Simultaneous penetration of the ass and Pussy.
Douche, Douching – Injecting of a liquid, usually water, into the asshole or pussy, usually for hygiene purposes prior to sex or ass play.
Duct Tape – Also known as gaffer’s tape; used in many BDSM scenes (such as taping the submissive’s mouth shut).
Dungeon – Dramatic term for a BDSM or Bondage playroom.
E
EMS Unit – see Tens Unit
Ecdyosis – Sexual arousal from stripping in front of an audience
Ecdysiast – A stripper
Edgeplay – Technically, this refers to knife play. But it has come to mean anything “on the edge.” Or considered “Extreme” It can even include fisting, asphyxia, play piercings, needle play, etc. One person’s edge can be another’s norm so there are no hard and fast rules defining what “edgeplay” is.
Edgeplayer – A person who partakes in edgeplay.
Electrical Play – Using electricity for stimulation. Professionally made electrical units are to be used – like the “tens” unit and the “violet wand.” Not for beginners.
Electrolysis – Permanent electric hair removal.
Electrotorture -Another, more dramatic, term for electrical play.
Emasculation – Permanent removal of the male sex organs. Sometimes simulated through the use of a chastity device or through a dominants restrictions forbidding typical male behavior such a urinating while standing.
Endorphin – A chemical produced in the body that seems to be involved in regulating the perception of pain. Endorphins give a “rush” similar to adrenaline (which is released simultaneously) and it is speculated that their release is the cause of the Phenomenon known as “subspace.”
Enema – A thorough anal douche using a bag and tube.
Enema Play – Using the enema as a BDSM device in play.
Enforced Chastity – Chastity play where the Dom controls a sub’s sexual frequency and ability to experience sexual pleasure, usually with a chastity belt or other chastity device.
Extreme Restraints – A Bondage device that is very strict or terribly confining, usually not something used on beginners.
F
Face Fucking – another term for a blowjob. .
Fainting – A temporary loss of consciousness. Caused by lack of oxygen to the brain, can happen during extreme BDSM play – such as breath control, long pain sessions, etc. Can be dangerous (brain damage) when caused by breath control play.
Felching – Imbibing semen out of the vagina or anus
Fellatio – Giving head, a blow-job (BJ), going down on someone, being face fucked: the act of sucking or licking a penis, or having a penis inserted in the mouth.
Fellatrix – Someone whose specialty is Fellatio.
Femdom – A female dominant
Female Domination – Being controlled or lead by a female.
Fetish, Fetishism – An unusual obsession with something. Like a leather fetish, a latex fetish or a shoe fetish. Fetishes are only limited by the human imagination.
Fetish Attire – Clothes that reflect the wearer’s particular fetish, such as leather, latex, rubber or high heels.
Financial Domination – Controlling another’s financial matters or money.
Fire Play – The use of fire in sexual play.
Fisting – also called fist fucking and FF. Attempting to place the whole hand into the rectum or vagina. Must be done with great care and sterility. Can provide exceptional orgasms.
Flagellation – BDSM-related whipping, beating and spanking for erotic stimulation.
Flogger – a multi-tailed leather implement.
Flogging – using a “flogger” on a submissive.
Foley Catheter – Type of catheter that can be inflated with sterile water.
Foot Worship – A foot fetish where the submissive worships the Dominants feet, usually in high heel shoes or boots.
Freeplay – BDSM play where there is no Domination or submission.
Frenum – Piercing the surface of the penis shaft.
Forced Lactation – Continual stimulation and sucking of the female nipple can sometimes produce milk. Also known as forced breast milking
G
Gaffer’s Tape – see Duct Tape.
Galateism – Sexual attraction to statues
Gauge – System of grading the thickness. The lower the number, the thicker the wire or material.
Genitorture – Pain play involving the genitals. (See Ball Torture, Cock and Ball Torture, Cunt Torture).
Gerontophilla – Preference for sex with the elderly
Go Down On – Still another of the endless terms for fellatio.
Golden Showers – Urination play. Also called (duh) “piss play.” And GS.
Gym Cap – Slang for condom.
Gynemimetophilia – Person sexually aroused by a female impersonator
H
Hafada – Piercing through the upper part of the scrotum.
Handcuffs – Commonly used BDSM device to restrain the wrists.
Hanky Code – Old guard leather community’s color code of sexual preference.
Harness – Elaborate bondage device made with leather straps worn on the body
Harpaxophilia – Arousal from being robbed
Hedralingus – Licking someone’s anus (also called rimming.)
Henna – A brown dye made from the leaves of the henna plant. Used in temporary tattoos.
High Heels – Popular objects of foot fetishists, along with boots.
Hobble Skirt – Very narrow skirt that restricts the wearer’s ability to take anything other than tiny steps.
Homilophilia – Sexual arousal from hearing sermons
Hood – A head covering, usually made of leather, that the Dominant wears to increase the “fear factor” in a BDSM scene or a submissive is made to wear to provide some degree of sensory deprivation.
Horse – In bondage, it is a modification of a sawhorse over which a submissive can be tied. Sometimes called a spanking bench.
Hypophilia – Breath play wherein sexual pleasure is derived from limiting the intake of oxygen. Usually accomplished by temporary choking. Very Dangerous.
I
Iantronudia – Sexual arousal from exposing oneself to a medical doctor
Iconolagny – Sexual arousal from statues of nude people
Immobilization – Extreme form of bondage where no body parts can move, one example is mummification. Not for beginners.
Infantilism – Role-play as a young child for sex play
Infibulation – closing off, obstructing or modifying, either permanently or temporarily, the male or female genitalia so as to alter or prevent the conduct of sexual intercourse.
J
John – A person who patronizes prostitutes.
Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps – Type of adjustable nipple clamps that tightens as it is pulled. General preferred because they won’t easily slip off.
K
Kleptolagnia – Sexual arousal from stealing
Klismaphilia – Sexual arousal from giving or getting enemas
Knife Play – A specific form of “edgeplay” where the Dominant uses a knife to either cut or tease the submissive.
Knot – The easiest way to fasten rope in bondage.
Knismolagnia – Sexual arousal from tickling
Kolpeuryntomania – Sexual arousal from forced dilation of the vagina
L
Lactaphilia – Sexual arousal from lactating breasts
Lash – A strike from a whip, paddle, crop or flogger.
Latex Play – Play which uses paint on latex.
Leather – One of the most popular of fetish materials; many get excited by the look and/or feel of leather clothing, boots, etc.
Legcuffs – large handcuffs intended to be used to immobilize or restrict movement of the ankles
Leg Irons – Steel ankle cuffs. Patterned after British prisoner restraints. “Put him in irons!”
Limit – The point beyond which a submissive does not allow the Dominant to go. It can be a “soft limit” which can change over time, or a “hard limit” which is more or less written in stone. For example, a submissive might say, “fisting is my hard limit.” Or soft!
Lorum – Piercing through the skin on the underside of the penis.
Lunge Whip – see Quirt.
M
Ma’am – Term of respect for a female Dominant.
M/s – Master/slave. (Also, less popularly, MS, M&S or M-s)
Macrogenitalism – Sexual arousal from outsized genitals
Maid – Popular role-play where the submissive dresses up – and acts like – a maid.
Maieusiophilia – Sexual arousal from pregnant women
Malacca – A thick cane.
Maledom, male dom – A male Dominant.
Male Domination – BDSM play where a male is the one in control or who controls the submissive.
Mammagymnophilia – Sexual arousal from female breasts
Manacle – Metal restraints.
Martinet – Small flogger.
Masochist – One who gets pleasure from pain.
Master – Dominant, controlling partner in a D/s relationship, where the submissive partner is known as the slave.
Medical Scene – BDSM scene involving medical scenarios.
Menophilist – Sexual arousal from women on their period
Mentor – A teacher or advisor who often shows a “newbie” around the world of BDSM and D/s. Mistress – Female analogue of Master.
Merinthophilia – Sexual arousal from bondage
Mistress – Female counterpart for Master, a female dominant.
Mommy – Analogue of Daddy in BDSM play. Sometimes submissives call their Mistress “Mommy.”
Mousetraps – Used as a BDSM device for nipple torture. A severe and pain cheap nipple clamp.
Mummification – A unique kind of bondage scene in which the whole body is wrapped tightly in a film – typically plastic wrap. (You NEVER thought it would be used for that, did you?). Not for beginners.
N
Nailing – BDSM play where the scrotum or breasts are nailed to a board.
Nasogastric tube – Used in control scenes such as forced feeding.
Nasolingus – Sexual arousal from nose sucking
Necrochlesis – Sex with a corpse
Necrophilia – Sexual gratification from sex with the dead
Needle Play – another “edgeplay” where sterilized needles are inserted through the top layer of the skin (the epidermis). Most popularly it is done underneath and around the female nipple and the breast. Not for beginners.
Negotiation – discussing hard and soft limits and related items of BDSM taste before any play or relationship begins. It helps in defining Safe, Sane and Consensual between the dominant and submissive.
Newbie – Someone new to something such the BDSM play or lifestyle.
Nipple Clamps – Devices that clamp onto the nipples. Weights can be attached to stretch the nipples. Nipple Clamps often provide increased stimulation which can involve pain and pleasure. See Also, Japanese Clover Nipple Clamps, Alligator Nipple Clamps, Tweezer Nipple Clamps
Nipple Rings – Jewelry that looks like small hoop earrings that are inserted through pierced nipples. Another popular jewelry style for pierced nipples is the barbell. There also non-permanent nipple rings which stay attached by pinching the nipple.
Nipple Torture – To cause pain to the nipples. Typically by using nipple clamps, needles, mousetraps, pulling and twisting, etc.
Nipple Shield – Decorative nipple jewelry the encircles or even covers the nipple.
Nipple Weights – Usually weights suspended from either nipple clamps or from nipple piercings.
Novice – see Newbie.
O
Oculolictus – Eyeball-licking
Odaxelangnia – Sexual arousal from biting
Odontophilia – A tooth fetish
Ophidiophilia – Sexual arousal from snakes
Oral Sex – Sex involving contact between mouth and any other sexual organ.
Orogastric Tube – A tube from mouth to stomach. Used in force feeding scenes. Not for beginners.
Osphresiolagnia – Sexual arousal from foul smells
OTK – “Over the Knee” spanking were the subject is placed over the lap of the person administering the spanking.
P
PA – see Prince Albert.
PE – see Power Exchange.
Paddle – A flat instrument used for spanking purposes; usually made of wood or some other rigid material.
Padlock – Common type of lock used in BDSM play. Use to secure bondage restraints, securely fasten chain links together, as labia weights, etc.
Pain – Pain causes the release of endorphins that is thought causes the submissive to go into subspace.
Pain Games – BDSM play involving pain.
Pain Slut – Popular expression for a submissive who loves pain. Also a masochist
Pain Threshold – The point at which stimulation becomes pain.
Pansexuality – BDSM activities encompassing all sexualities, heterosexual, homosexual, trangender, etc.
Parachute Ball Stretcher – A toy resembling a parachute from which weights can be suspended in ball torture scenes.
Phallophilia – Fetish for large penises. Something most women have.
Permanent Piercing – Piercing the body in order to insert jewelry that is intended to be worn on at least a semi-permanent basis.
Piss Play – see Water Sports, Golden Showers.
Play Piercing – Piercing the body temporarily. All piercings are removed at the end of the session.
Podophilia – See Foot Fetish
Pony Play – Role-play scene where the submissive takes on the role of a pony. Can be very elaborate.
Power Exchange – The dynamic whereby the Dominant is consensually given power over the submissive, whether for just the scene or for a relationship. Sometimes called Total Power Exchange or TPE.
Press Style Nipple Clamps – These are nipple clamps that press the nipple between two pieces of metal usually forced together by a thumb screw. The thumb screw allows them to be squeezed tight or jut enough to stay in place.
Prince Albert – Also known as a PA. A male piercing between the urethra and the underside of the penis. Not named after the Prince of Monaco.
Puppy Play – Perhaps the most popular of animal RPGs. Here, the submissive actually mimics a puppy. Sometimes it can evolve into a lifestyle where the “puppy” even sleeps in a cage.
Pushy Bottom – Old school phrase for a very demanding bottom. Associated with Topping from the bottom.
Pussy Torture – The use of BDSM devices – such as clamps – on the female gential area to produce pain.
Pygmalianism – Sex with statues or inanimate objects
Pygophilemania – Sexual arousal from kissing butt cheeks
Q
Quirt – A type of buggy whip used for whipping the submissive. Easier and safer to use than a bullwhip.
R
RPG – Abbreviation for Role Play Games.
Rack – Bondage furniture patterned after the infamous torture device of the Inquisition. The bottom is put on it and “stretched” – but not in the extreme fatal way.
Real Life or Real Time – r/l or r/t – as opposed to virtual or cyber life.
Red – Most common safe word meaning stop.
Restraint – Limiting the bottom’s movement with the use of various bondage gear, equipment or devices.
Restriction – Limiting the bottom’s behavior or physical movement.
Riding Crop – see Crop.
Rimming – Tongue contact with the rectum or asshole.
Ring Gag – A device that keeps the submissive’s mouth wide open. Also called a “piss gag”
Role Play Games – Taking fantasy roles in BDSM scenes. For example, nurse or doctor/patient, etc.
Rope – The most common of bondage equipment.
Rubber – After leather, the most popular fetish material.
S
SAM – Smart Assed Masochist. A pseudo submissive who attempts to control everything the dominant does.
S&M – Sadism and masochism. One who enjoy administering pain and one who enjoys receiving pain.
S/m – Modern term for S & M. Also SM, S/M, SMer
Sadist – An individual who enjoys causing pain. The term dates back to the Marquis de Sade.
Sadomasochism – The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism.
Safe, Sane and Consensual – A popular slogan in the BDSM world meaning that play should always be safe, with good judgment exercised. And, most importantly, it MUST be consensual.
Safe Word – A word or phrase a submissive can use to stop his or her scene. It is absolute. If a Dominant disregards a submissive’s safe word, that Dominant is considered “unsafe.” The most common safe word is “RED!” Some also use a caution word such as “Yellow” to signify that the dominant is approaching a limit.
Saint Andrew’s Cross – A popular piece of BDSM furniture where a submissive can be conveniently tied or cuffed to it and rendered immobile. It looks like a big cross!
Safe Sex – Using condoms and taking all necessary health precautions during sex.
Saran Wrap – Brand of cling film used in mummification scenes.
Scat – Fecal play. An abbreviation for “scatological.”
Scene – A BDSM session. Can be used to refers to “public scene” at a party where the participants let others watch or a “Private scene” where just the dominant and submissive are present.
Schoolgirl Role-play – Popular RPG wherein the submissive is the “bad school girl” and the Dominant is the “teacher.”
Self-Bondage – The practice of performing bondage on oneself by oneself.
Shackle – Metal or leather bondage restraint device consisting of round cuffs joined by a chain or bar.
Shaving – It is very common in BDSM for submissives to shave their pubic hair.
Shoe Fetish – One who enjoys shoes. Popular fetish, even in the vanilla world.
Slapper – Rigged paddle modified to make a loud sound.
Slave – A term used interchangeably with “submissive.” Some consider a slave a more extreme version of a submissive.
Slave Contract – A signed consensual contract, wherein a submissive or slave cedes to the Dom or Master a specified set of powers over her for a set period of time. Although legally unenforceable, it is still a powerful document between dominant and slave
Sound – Medical device to be inserted into the urethra in medical play. Also called “urethral sounds.”
Spanking – To slap on the buttocks with the open hand, or a short flat object such as a paddle or a hairbrush. Used as both punishment and/or in role-play context in BDSM scenes.
Spanking Bench – BDSM furniture, a variation on the saw horse, onto which a submissive is attached (by cuffs, rope, etc.) for the Dominant to spank and play with.
Speculum – Medical device intended for opening and examining the rectum or vagina; used mostly in “doctor/medical scene” play.
Spencer Paddle – Type of wooden paddle with holes drilled though it.
Spreader Bar – A long metal rod that holds the submissive legs, thighs or even wrists wide apart.
Stigmatophilia – Sexual attraction to those with body modifications or tattoos
Stocks – A piece of bondage furniture patterned after the Puritan model. The head and hands go through holes while the submissive is standing.
Straitjacket, Straightjacket – Confining device used mostly in psychiatric wards to restrain the insane. It is intended to prevent the movement of the arms and is usually impossible to remove without assistance.
Strangling – see Breath Control.
Strapon – A belt or harness that has a dildo attached. IT allows the wearer the ability to fuck another either in the vagina or anus.
Strapping – Another term for a “beating”.
Sub – see Submissive.
Subby – see Submissive.
Subbie – see Submissive.
Submission – The act of submitting to the will and desire of another, usually within negotiated limits.
Submissive – An individual who consents to give up power to a Dominant. This can be for any duration – for an hour or a lifetime.
Subspace – A state of mind and body – often like a trance – caused by endorphins emitted during a BDSM scene.
Surface Burn – A temporary brand, usually produced with copper wire heated less hot than steel used in making a permanent brand.
Surface Piercing – Temporary piercing through the skin’s surface.
Suspension – suspending a submissive with ropes, webbing or chain so that no part of the body touches the floor. Not recommended for beginners.
Switch – A person who can both Top and bottom depending on the situation and his partner. Many switches have switches as partners.
T
24/7 – A 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. At all times.
TENS Unit – Acronym for Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulation unit. Used for sexual stimulation is electrical play scenes. See also Violet Wand.
TPE – Total Power Exchange; term reserved for established 24/7 Master/slave relationships.
TT – Tit torture.
Temporary Piercing – Piercing the body temporarily. All piercings are removed at the end of the session. Same as play piercing.
Thermolysis – A form of electrical hair removal.
Thong Whip – A whip made of thing strands of either leather or rubber. When swing lightly it will not cause much pain, when swung hard it can cause considerable pain.
Timophilia – Sexual arousal from wealth, yet another thing most females have even if the wont admit to it.
Top – A Dominant, the person who is in charge or has control.
Topping from the bottom – This is where a submissive dictates the action in a scene, something that is highly frowned upon. Can also be used in real time context. When a submissive becomes too demanding.
Torture – term meaning to cause pain.
Toy, BDSM – Any piece of equipment used in a BDSM scene.
Tragus – Piercing through the ridge on the face side of the ear hole.
Transgender – Not quite male, not quite female.
Transgenderism – incorporating manners, behaviors, appearance, etc of the opposite sex while still maintaining some of the above of your biological sex.
Tweezer Nipple Clamps – A style of nipple clamp that is like a pair of tweezers with a ring around the outside. As you push the ring toward the pincher ends, it causes the clamp to tighten or bite harder.
U
Urethral Play – Play involving the urethra, the tube that runs between the bladder and the outside of the body. Not for beginners.
Urethral Sound – Medical device to be inserted into the urethra in medical play.
Urolagnia – Sexual excitement from urine or the act of urination
V
Vacuum Pumping – Using the suction of a vacuum to increase the size of body parts.
Vampirism – Sexual arousal caused by drinking blood
Vanilla – People not in the BDSM or Fetish lifestyle. Most people, whether admitted or not have some sort of fetish.
Violet Wand – An electric device usually in form of a glass cylinder, which uses the effect of high frequency electric charges to apply intense stimulation.
Virtual life or Virtual Time – v/l or v/t – often used to describe “online life” as opposed to r/l (real life).
W
WS – see Water Sports.
Water Sports – The sexual enjoyment of urine play. Also called Golden Showers (or GS).
Wattenburg Wheel – A medical pinwheel that is commonly used in BDSM play to stimulate or cause a feeling sensation.
Wax Play – Play in which the Dominant brings hot wax on the submissive’s skin.
Web – A bondage device, popular in many dungeons, created with ropes that are spun like a spider’s web.
Weights – Used to stretch body parts such as nipples and labia; usually attached to clamps or piercings.
Whip – Usually made of leather with a medium size handle and long braided leather strings.
Whipping Post – In olden times, a post to which offenders were fastened for whippings. Reproductions are sometimes used in BDSM dungeons.
X
Y
Z
Zelophilia – Sexual arousal from jealousy
“BSDM”: a tricky acronym that seems to be very confusing to many. Yet when broken down, it is really quite simple. Each letter of this acronym corresponds to each other. B & D = Bondage and Discipline. D & S = Dominance and Submission. S & M= Sadomasochism.
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