It’s all about the ‘O’

emma had this to say about the female ‘hands free’ orgasm.

Unlike a lot of her posts, this one didn’t seem as well thought out, and this lack of alacrity somehow compelled Me to comment;

Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse: The Hands-Free O: The Hands-Free O

I am not an easy-comer. It’s not difficult for me to orgasm while masturbating and it’s not particularly difficult for me to orgasm while having intercourse as long as there is also clitoral stimulation going on. But I am not the kind of girl who gets a dick in her vagina and then starts screaming with a big-O.

If I were sitting around with Dr. Freud, I would be told that my clitoral orgasms were immature and a symptom of my repression or something like that (I’m not a Freudian-psychologist so don’t expect total accuracy here on what the coke-head “doctor” would have said).

I have always figured that I am pretty normal and average in the orgasm department (and the stats back me up here). Stories where the women come just by thinking about big cocks make me laugh out loud. But I am willing to accept that women are different and that there is a lot of variation in ease of coming.

My roommate in college claimed to have never had an orgasm, neither during intercourse nor by her own manipulation. I found that pretty unbelievable since I had spent literally hours masturbating during my teen years. But she was actually doing stuff like holding a mirror in front of her private parts and searching for her clit (some of those female “discover yourself” books have some pretty wild stuff in them).

I admit that until very recently I thought the whole notion of an easier comer was…um… bullshit. I thought that the majority of women were probably like me and that easy-comers were the fantasy of men. By reading sex stories and watching porn, you find that often male fantasies have to do with women being more like men: they come easily, they love sex and want to have sex with anyone anywhere, they shoot cum like a man, they are obsessed with penises.

I often think guys would be a lot happier in the sex department if they had sex with other guys most of the time and just had sex with women for procreation but that’s a whole other post.

I happened to talk to one of my oldest friends recently — someone who has been known to be a total slut – and low and behold she admitted that she was an easier comer. She referred to herself as a “sure-thing” and said if a guy couldn’t get her off, he had to be just terrible in bed. I have to admit to being somewhat jealous. I wish I were an easier-comer but I’m just not. And I just have to accept that.

But something that distresses me is how many men are still basically going by the Freudian model. I haven’t exactly done a study on this but it seems like young guys especially feel threatened if a woman needs to touch herself during sex.

At AskEmma I suggested that a guy encourage his girlfriend to use a vibrator during anal sex to make it more enjoyable and he actually said that he thought most guys were threatened by vibrators. Really? Why? I don’t imagine any woman would leave her boyfriend or husband for a vibrator.

A vibrator virtually guarantees an orgasm in a woman (and a pretty fucking great one at that). How could that be a bad thing? Why would that threaten a guy? Only because he really believes that his penis is supposed to do all the magic and if it doesn’t then something is wrong with him or her. If I could go back in time and kill Freud, I might (probably not though because if I could go back in time I’d go back and fuck 1976 David Bowie and 1972 Iggy Pop). But I do believe that Freud and his ilk did a great disservice to women and men alike.

When I think about the guy who said he’d be threatened by his girlfriend using a vibrator during anal sex, I really wonder what he was thinking. I mean he was asking me to give him advice about how to make his girlfriend enjoy it more but at the same time scared of the one thing that would make it probably the most enjoyable for her. Why on earth would anyone think that simply sticking a dick in a girl’s ass would get her off? It’s a complete misunderstanding of female anatomy and the female orgasm.

A female/male submissive might get aroused by the intensity of anal sex but my guess is that most women and probably most men don’t get off just on anal sex with no stimulation of the clit or penis. Again, I am not an expert on any of this but what I am suggesting is that people do what gets them off without worrying too much about the right or wrong of it.

And just to prove a point, I am sure that at least one guy will comment here about how wrong I am about female orgasms and how the goal is the hands-free O. And I’ll probably tell him to fuck off. Posted by Emma Kelly at 2:49 AM

3 comments:

Gillette said…

I’m wondering if people are talking about different types of orgasms???? I’m thinkin’ we’re all different, have different responses at different times in our lives (well..that’s been my experience, anyway..and don’t I just hate it that I have enough years to have “perspective??” HA!)

There are times when a guy first enters that I definitely get one type of orgasm that I call an “oozie.” STRONG but diffused energy all over the body.

But those are very different than clitoral orgasms…which are more “work” for me. And I definitely do the manual thingie with anal. But/and I’ve also talked to men who’ve been with women who orgasm initially with the anal thing like I do with the vaginal thing. I’m not sure if it’s the same type of orgasm as a clitoral one as I haven’t talked to them.

I don’t get the vibrator threat thingie, either. Ask him if he ever fantasizes about anyone/anything other than the partner he’s fucking in the moment. My guess is yes. Many people use tools to get that O, just some of them are made of rubber and some are in the mind.

March 12, 2008 3:03 AM Anonymous said…

Well, my wife always brings herself off with her fingers either when I do cunnilingus on her or when I am inside her. As for cunninlingus, she likes that I lick her, but a some point, as I continue to lick her, she will provoke her orgasms with her fingers.

And I must admit that I find that very erotic — that is, that she actively brings on her orgasms (which are very much in the plural) with her own fingers.

Does that mean I am less of a man, etc. I really don’t worry about that at all. I am about 6 3/4 inches long. I am neither thin nor thick.

Uh, about Freud, well,if I may: your argument is based in a popular view of Freud. But that does not really matter.

March 12, 2008 4:10 AM Jarl Mezentius said…

OK. I have been a long time reader and because of my BDSM/Gorean lifestyle and opinions, I have kept out of your comment box as a measure of respect, but in this case I must, respectfully, put my comment here.

I have been informed by several of my former and present girls that there are at LEAST two different kinds of female orgasm. I tend to believe them since they would have no reason to lie about this subject (and would be severly punished if they did lie on any subject, but that is again a completely different subject for a BDSM thread) that this should be the case.

Most of the women agreed that there is a ‘shudder’ factor that occurs when the body is suddenly and completely sexually energized, either from a touch, a scent or any of the other senses. I also understand that although this shudder is complete head to toe sexual sensation, that a girl might get wet and ready for sex, that it is not the actual Big-O.

The second orgasm described by my girls is what most women would call the Big-O.

The description of this event is always met with hesitation when approached Master to slave, as if this is some secret that women actually keep away from each other, let alone a Man and his friends.

The Big-O however is described physically the same as the Male orgasm, all other incoming sensations are halted, with the exception of the erogenous zones, and the body convulses in repeated pulses throughout, centered and concentrated on the sexual organs.

The energy and exertion of this type of female orgasm has the same effect on the woman as the Male orgasm has… exhaustion and complete satisfaction… (roll over and go to sleep)

Having described these two most common types of Orgasm I would also like to point out that in Men and in Women, the little and the Big-O is something that can occur, hands-free … and even in the case of more than one submissive (both male and female) can occur ‘On Command’ with the spoken command being the only immediate stimulus.

Simple Logic proves this out, as the most sexual organ in the human body, is the human mind… tickle it, tease it, and tempt it correctly, and your girl (or guy) will cum with a Big-O every time.

March 12, 2008 6:41 AM