Archive for Bondage And Discipline

BDSM Protocol – How to Successfully Present Yourself to a Pro-Domme (Dominatrix) In Six Simple Steps

Posted on July 21, 2010 by

A Pro-Domme, also called a Dominatrix or Mistress, is a professional who engages in BDSM activity with clients. These clients take on the submissive role (or “bottom”) during a session. Typical activities engaged in may include: dominance and submission (D/s), sadomasochism (S&M), fetish play, bondage, and discipline. While BDSM activities are highly charged both emotionally and sexually, sex is not included in the services of a Pro-Domme.

Many clients present themselves to a prospective Mistress in an unfavorable way, which results in them not being given that precious opportunity to serve. Sometimes clients can find a Pro-Domme who will session with them, only to discover that the so called “Dominatrix” is inexperienced or lacking in skills. As the saying goes, “a good Domme is hard to find.” This difficulty in finding a Mistress often occurs due to the submissive’s naivete or because he possesses a “Dive Bar Attitude.” However, by following six simple steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, it is highly unlikely that a prospective client will not be given an opportunity to serve a professional.

What is a “Dive Bar Attitude?”

Many prospective clients present themselves to a Pro-Domme inappropriately because they possess what I’ve termed a “Dive Bar Attitude.” When a person goes to a dive bar, they do so with certain expectations. They expect to be served. They expect to have their thirst quenched. They expect to get drunk without paying a lot of money. They expect that, other than their payment, they will not be required to provide anything to the proprietor. This is the WRONG ATTITUDE when approaching a Pro-Domme.

Think of approaching a prospective Mistress as having more in common with an outing to a new, fashionable club. There’s preliminary legwork that must be done to prepare (such as making a reservation, or learning what the dress code entails). The establishment wants a certain type of clientele because the club’s clientele is a reflection of the club. And because many people want to experience the club, the proprietor can be picky about who gets in. Once inside the club, the visitor’s main expectation is to simply experience the club. The goal is not cheap drunkenness. Instead, it’s to experience the whole ambiance of the club, to relish the very experience of it, and to enjoy drinks that are expertly prepared. It’s a premium experience that is being sought, and it’s not bargain priced.

Knowing this, how should a client tailor their approach to a prospective Mistress?
As a wise person once said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Pro-Dommes are approached by numerous prospective clients. Many of these men fall victim to the Mistress’ delete button. Because so many who approach us are time wasters who regard us as masturbation fodder, we have no choice but to discard the e-mails of those who exhibit insensitivity or lack of social awareness. If you properly introduce yourself in that first communication (presumably an e-mail), you will stand out from the crowd and you will please the Domme.

So, keeping in mind the exclusive nature of sessioning with the best Pro-Dommes, and knowing that you must make your very best impression in order to earn the opportunity to serve a Mistress, what protocol should a prospective submissive follow?

Step 1: Do Your Research

You most likely found the Mistress through her website, so read it! Read every word; don’t just perv on her pics. Her website is a reflection of who she is. It will tell you her interests, her likes and dislikes, and (most importantly) how she likes things done. It is basically a virtual version of herself. It is her domain. I repeat, read every word.

Step 2: Exhibit Self-Awareness & Honesty

Someone who is self-aware makes a good client. Know what you want, and know what you are capable of delivering. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. It may make a good fantasy to envision life as my 24-7 slave, a slave that will do everything I say without question. But please don’t waste my time with your fantasy unless you actually: 1) truly want that, and 2) can provide that. If you have a day job as an attorney or a CFO or an engineer, I don’t think you’re going to be giving that up anytime soon. Don’t waste my time with your masturbatory fantasy. Just keep it to yourself, please. What I would like to know is what you can truly offer me. If what you can offer is a client who would like to session with me every couple of weeks… perhaps because you enjoy bottoming watersports (feel free to insert your favorite fetish here) but don’t have a woman in your life who is into that, THEN SAY THAT! That type of communication shows self-awareness and, hey, it’s honest. Honesty makes a Mistress happy.

Step 3: Don’t Be Creepy

No, of course you’re not creepy, not in your regular life. You’re normal. You have a normal job, a normal family, normal friends, and normal hobbies and interests. Most likely, you probably even have a pretty normal sex life. Please don’t take this opportunity while communicating with a Pro-Domme to suddenly turn into a strange incarnation of yourself. Don’t be a troll, and please don’t harass the Mistress. Approach her as you would any business professional.

Step 4: Be Respectful

Address the Pro-Domme how she wants to be addressed. Some Mistresses want to be called Mistress or Goddess or another title. Other Mistresses prefer NOT to be addressed that way by strangers. If you have read the Mistress’ website completely, she most likely specified how she would like to be addressed.

Send a photo if the Mistress requested you do so, but don’t send graphically sexual photos. If she wants these, she will request them when she is ready for them.

Step 5: Begin Building a Connection

Don’t give empty compliments. Most Dominatrices have an extremely good bullshit meter. Do show her that you are interested in her specifically. What is it about her that attracted you? Begin to also share some personal information about yourself: a physical description, career, location, marital status, whether you have a car (that can be important when considering service submissives, especially). Also, be sure to include the times you are most often available for sessions and, of course, your contact information.

Step 6: Present Yourself Favorably

In your e-mail, put your best foot forward, but also be yourself- the most respectful version of yourself. Every Mistress will have personal preferences regarding the type of submissive with whom she most enjoys playing. You can’t be who you aren’t, so be who you are. Don’t grovel and don’t beg. This generally makes most Dominatrices want to vomit. Try approaching her as a man with respect for himself and respect for all women.

Conclusion

By following the above six steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, you will demonstrate to the Mistress that you are sincere, respectful, and would make an enjoyable, interesting submissive. You will find your success rate with the most desirable Pro-Dommes will increase. You will also find those first few sessions with your new Mistress will be even more enjoyable for both of you.

About The Author:

Isabella Benjamin is a professional Dominatrix living and working in New York City. As “Mrs. Benjamin,” her Pro-Domme persona, she specializes in fetish play, domestic discipline, and roleplay. Mrs. Benjamin is always accepting applications from sincere men and women who would like to indulge their fetishes or explore their submissive fantasies. For more information, please visit her site at http://www.mistressbenjamin.com

Copyright 2010 Isabella Benjamin; article may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without the written consent of the author. All rights reserved.

Author: Isabella Benjamin
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Categories : Sexuality

BDSM Or The Art Of Kinky Sex

Posted on February 20, 2010 by Arvind Mathur

C’mon own up, when was the last time you clicked on those dirty Web sites and had your vicarious thrills by seeing men and women dressed in nothing other than harnesses, doing things to each other that can give any normal pervert a chill down his or her spine. You may raise your eyebrows in disgust, but in heart of hearts you do sometimes get tempted to try out things for yourself. And it is not only you lusty lads and dirty old men out there, it is also the oh-so-propah respectable ladies, who pine for such titillation.

Okay, so you insist that you’re not one of them and swear that you don’t even think of indulging in such filthy deeds. Well, no offense meant. But frankly, don’t you think it’s time to let go of your prudery about “this sick stuff people do with whips and whipped creams and stuff” and infuse some excitement into your love life gone limp. Read on and give a boost, if not to your sex life, then to your knowledge, about this bizarre form of entertainment.

BDSM defined

So what is BDSM? Simply stated it is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, and Sadomasochism. You may be surprised to know that these so called perversions come quite naturally to most, since some people naturally crave to be submissive and some dominant. If you just take a look at your own sex lives, you’ll be surprised to find that you’ve already tried out some elements of BDSM without even being aware of it. Remember, how you shuddered and ended up in a heap, when your partner blindfolded you and traced the contours of your body with a feather or an ice cube? Welcome to the warped and weird world of BDSM.

Many of you may be relating BDSM only to hardcore sadism or masochism, but the truth is that it can also be remarkably subtle, highly erotic and psychologically charged. It may not even involve sex or sexual tension! It is more of a power game, where one person agrees to submit to another to act out a fantasy. It is driven more by the needs of the submissive than by those of the dominant. And, in this game, the roles of the dominants and submissives are also not fixed and can be interchanged. You may be surprised to know that male submissives actually outnumber the female ones! Talk about role reversal!

BDSM isn’t abuse

But, before you set out to explore the realm of this pain-giving pleasure (or is it pleasure-giving pain?), it’s important to know, at the very outset, that BDSM isn’t abuse. An abuser has no regard for the feelings, needs or limits of the victim, whereas in BDSM each partner is a willing one and has a say in whatever is done to him or her. Also, the victim of abuse is not at liberty to dictate the abusers actions or set limits to it, whereas BDSM caters to the needs and desires of those being dominated. For example, flogging isn’t what you imagine it’d be like. For the most part, it’s more stimulating than painful.

Choose your own fantasy

The good part about BDSM is that it’s only limited by your imagination. There are countless ways in which you can enjoy inflicting pain on others or suffering delightful discomfiture yourself. If you think that inflicting or suffering pain isn’t your idea of enjoyment, think again. Remember those agonizing deep body massages, where you all but cry and tears of joy roll down your cheeks in painful relief? You don’t quit and in the end it proves so gratifying that you continue to come back for more. Same is the case with BDSM, which gets you so much sexually aroused that this kind of stimulation becomes fun and keeps you begging for more.

BDSM encompasses many wildly different practices and some really curious beliefs. But essentially, it gives you an opportunity to challenge your boundaries and test your limits. In the strictest sense, BDSM involves role-playing, where you may be dominant and your partner submissive or vice versa. This allows you to act out scenarios that are highly charged, psychologically and totally gratifying, physically. However, there’re a few who don’t opt for the dominant or submissive roles, as they don’t get turned on by being tied up or by bossing their partners, or such other stuff. But they still enjoy their own version of BDSM fantasies. So, the important thing to know is that there is nothing known as proper BDSM. It is what you enjoy.

Safety first and always

There’s no denying the fact that BDSM involves a controlled consensual minor abuse of the body, so it’s always better to be safe than sorry. To cross the limit in the throes of ecstasy will not only lead to injuries, it may also dampen your partner’s interest. So, you must follow a few safety tips before you queer the pitch for your partner. After all, you do want him or her to come back for more, don’t you?

    Give a hint of your intended action: Springing a surprise can be fun and may add to the pleasure of both, but you don’t want to shock your partner with something that he or she may hate. Although, you don’t need to necessarily give away your exact plans, it is always safe to throw in a hint of what’s coming and how.

    Slow and steady wins the race: There’s a need to consider your every move deliberately for realizing your fantasy. And it requires preparation, both mental and physical. Don’t be hasty in things you haven’t tried yet. It requires some time to master the techniques and to start enjoying them. For example, don’t immediately jump into the bed with your partner just after reading this article!

    Agree upon a ‘stop’ word: “Please stop. No. Stop. Puleez. God, no. Oooh!…” Don’t you just get turned on by your partner’s whimpering and pleading for mercy? That’s why the word stop and no doesn’t qualify for stopping the act, when your partner actually wants you to. For you wouldn’t know if he or she actually means it! So, it’s a safe bet to agree upon a word or some action (remember, your partner may be gagged) that the submissive can use, when he or she doesn’t want you to go ahead with what you’re doing. Enough can be a good enough word and thumping the bed or the floor with hands or feet can be a convenient indication to stop the proceedings, much like what the wrestlers do.

    Contingency planning: Just imagine, you excitedly pick up a pair of handcuffs from your box of naughty toys and slip them on your partner’s wrists. As you set about your business, you suddenly realize, “Heck! Where’re the keys?” and, at that very moment, someone knocks on the door! To avoid such awkward situations, always have some important stuff handy, like a pair of scissors, a knife or a blade to cut ropes or bandages. They should be safe enough to use in a hurry, if you’re required to release your partner quickly. And don’t forget to locate the keys first, before you use those handcuffs!

Games dominants and submissives play

Now let us come down to the brass tacks. What do you actually do? Out of almost limitless possibilities, there’re some really exciting ones that you can safely introduce into your sex life. These love games can work for both, whether you are male dominant and female submissive or the other way round. Let us see them one by one and learn what they have to offer:

    The arousing ice: Ice remains an all time favorite that has even been used by lesser mortals practicing normal sex! This great all-purpose sex toy and can be used in a number of ways. One time-tested method is to run an ice cube over your partner’s body, preferably if he or she is blindfolded and bound. Another way is to place it in your mouth and run your lips and tongue over your partner’s body. For a more imaginative play, make an ice dildo in the refrigerator and enjoy vaginal or anal play. Ice cream moulds may come in handy here!

    The bewitching brush: Well, did you know that a brush can be used effectively to make your partner come? All you need to do is to blindfold and tie him or her up. Now, first taking the soft shaving or painting brush, begin by stroking the breasts, nipples, thighs and the sides of your partner, alternating it with a stiff toothbrush. This treatment is enough to get your partner moaning for more. Undoubtedly the only field of art where the canvas is more interesting than the painting!

    The captivating clothespin: Did you know that clothespins have uses other than for hanging clothes out to dry? These little biters can work wonders if clamped on the most interesting sites of the body. Clamp them on the nipples, anywhere along the breasts, the sides, arms, legs and thighs and, yes, there too. These are sure to let a shiver of sexual excitement run through the body! Once you’ve clamped the clothespin, don’t be in a hurry to remove them from your partner’s body. The longer they stay on, the more intense will be the sensation, when they finally come off! After you and your partner have started enjoying the pain, you are ready to graduate to the next step. This involves stringing together a number of clothespins by means of a thread and clamping them along your partners’ belly, breast or nipple. Once in position, all you need to do is to find the right time to pull them off sharply, one after the other, to his or her ecstatic delight. For more intense sensation, use small, plastic clothespins that have a sharper grip, than the larger wooden ones. So, the next time you find your neighbors at the supermarket insisting on such clothespins, you’d know what they’re up to!

    The thrilling knives: No, we are not recommending cutting down your partner to size. But, blunt butter knives can make psychologically powerful and engaging sex toys. It entails blindfolding and tying up the partner and slowly, very slowly, drawing the knife-edge over the back, chest, thighs and legs. Beginners need to take care not to draw it too hard over the skin. This game is not as risky as it sounds and it gives such an emotionally intense effect and erotically charged sensation that your partner will crave for more. For doubling the effect of the knife, keep it in the freezer before use. It will feel much sharper and your partner may believe that you are actually carving him or her up with the knife.

    The fantastic flogger: A flogger is a multi-tailed whip and, despite its intimidating appearance, is not painful at all, provided, of course, you don’t opt for the cheap ones available in many sex shops. The right one should’ve soft lashes and not thick and stiff ones and its edges should be rounded, like a deerskin flogger that doesn’t hurt at all. Such a flogger will also not cause any injury. Remember, if you opt for flogging or even paddling or spanking your partner, be careful where you hit. The safe body sites are the butt, thighs or the upper back. To the experienced, even breasts are permitted. However, never hit the lower back, as there is a risk of kidney damage. Also spare the face and the neck.

    The enticing bondage and restraint: So, this is the part that most of you ogle at on those kinky websites. This kind of domination, where you tie up your partner, may be quite stimulating for both. However, it’s important to select what you tie up your partner with. Silk scarves or nylon stockings may seem soft, but are a strict no-no because they get tightened and may hinder or stop the circulation. Their knots, too, become difficult to undo. Good old-fashioned rope is actually far safer. When tying up your partner, don’t get him or her in a spread-eagle position, since it can become uncomfortable or painful very quickly. It is best to tie up the submissive’s arms to the side or to the waist, since such a position can be maintained for much longer. While selecting handcuffs, opt for those that can be double locked. Such handcuffs won’t tighten up, even if you press or sit on them or struggle against them. While indulging in this game always be alert for tingling, numbness or coldness. These symptoms indicate that a nerve is being pressed or the circulation is being affected. In such circumstances, all you need to do is to loosen up the restraints, till the symptoms fade.

These games are not even the tip of the iceberg of what all encompasses BDSM. Suffice to say that these games are limited only by your imagination. That’s why it’s important to exchange notes and learn from each other!

The final word

If you have reached this far without hitting the back button, you’re game for experiencing the deliciously erotic and mind-blowing sensations that devilishly borders on taboo. BDSM does more than just provide sexual gratification. It makes you aware of your own psychological limits when you inflict pain on your partner and your own physical limits when you endure pain perpetrated by him or her.

However, as with other things, it will be wise to adopt BDSM only if you feel comfortable with it both mentally and physically. If you find that your strict upbringing is not allowing you to be comfortable with these kinky acrobatics, by all means walk away. If you find yourself physically unable to undergo the torment, fine, you don’t need to put your health on line. But if you’re the adventurous sort, BDSM guarantees to add such great variety to your love life that you will never complaint of not getting enough!

Author: Arvind Mathur
Article Source: EzineArticles.com

Categories : Featured

Bondage for Beginners: What the "act" is All About

Posted on April 22, 2009 by Jarl Mezentius

By: David Tottenham

bondage

BDSM is a pretty compact acronym which stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. BDSM in general involves a variety of sexual practices and relationships.

For this, however, let us try to focus on the “B” word; bondage. What exactly is it about getting handcuffed which turns some people on? If your sex life is lagging, is bondage really an effective way to add some spice into your love play? Read on to find out more…

When Bound is Not Necessarily Battered

First up, here’s a quick definition of bondage. From the perspective of BDSM, bondage involves tying up or restraining someone to induce sexual pleasure.

There are a few quick facts that you need to know about bondage if you haven’t tried it yet. No matter what your sexual orientation is, you might just be turned on by the sight of your partner with his or her hands cuffed to the bed posts. Perhaps it’s the novelty of the act of bondage, but it can also be the thought of mastering your control over your partner which proves to be a huge turn on.

Another thing that you need to know about bondage is that it is not necessarily the violent nature of the act which provides a strong erotic appeal for most people. Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of bondage discipline, this will allow you to get lost in a world where your sexual fantasies will come into play.

Bondage Sex Toys for Beginners

Now that you have an idea about the appeal that bondage has to some people, what are the beginner sex toys that you can use to introduce some BDSM into your love play with your partner?

The most basic bondage sex toys that you can try out as a beginner include handcuffs, erection rings and nipple clamps. For the mid-level to advanced level of BDSM, you can graduate to the more sophisticated bondage sex toys which include a full bedroom bondage or fetish kit, spanking paddles, whips, sex furniture, love swings, hammocks and electro stimulation toys.

If you want to up the ante in your sex life, bondage is definitely the way to go. Not only will you be able to fulfill your deepest, darkest sexual fantasies – but you and your partner will be able to connect on a more intimate level in the bedroom that is bound to add that extra spice to your sex life.

About the Author:

David Tottenham works for the Utopia Supplies sex shop, a UK-based online sex shop which stocks thousands of high quality sex toys.

Something above take your fancy? Take a look at the Utopia Supplies bondage section, where you will find a large range of bondage equipment including cock rings, whips, restraints and more

Categories : Relationships, Sexuality

BDSM: An Immeasurable Range of Sexual, Sensual and Intimate Activities

Posted on February 3, 2009 by Jarl Mezentius

To some people, the term BDSM brings to mind images of people tied up in chains, in some dark secret dungeon and being whipped senseless in some type of twisted if not macabre pleasure. You know, an indulgence for those bordering of mental illness. bent_forward_strappadoThis of course could be seen as true in some instances but this is not what BDSM is all about. BDSM cannot be defined by one activity alone, in fact it would be accurate to say that BDSM cannot be defined by any number of activities, it’s a lifestyle choice, which is entirely unique.

The term ‘BDSM’ encompasses an immeasurable range of sexual, sensual and intimate activities. The most common can include power or role-play, a range of sensory games from the extreme infliction of intense pain to the gentle tease of a feather and much more. Many have even participated in an act that could sit under the caveat of BDSM without even knowing it and this style of sexuality is ever on the increase whether you are aware of it or not.

So, what exactly is BDSM?

The term BDSM itself is actually made up from abbreviations of other terms. B & D represents ‘bondage and dominance’ or ‘bondage and discipline’. D & S represents ‘dominance and submission’ and S & M represents ‘sadism and masochism’. With all these terms sitting under the BDSM belt it is easier to see exactly why BDSM can be extremely hard to define and is simply more straightforward to view as a way of life.

As well as being hard to define there are also no set practices within BDSM. For many, it is seen as a way to add an element of spice and enjoyment to their sex lives. Others can view BDSM as a way to gain fulfillment or a temporary release from everyday life, a kind of escape if you will. Still others will view it as a way to deepen the bond between partners. This list of varying views could continue but it is far simpler to point out that there are possibly as many views as there are people involved in the subject. Although the list of views varies dramatically the people behind them all share something in common and that something is known as SSC.

Like BDSM, SSC is also an acronym. It stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual. Safe means that precautions are taken to prevent harm or injury to those involved. Sane means that mental and emotional safety is also cared for and consensual almost speaks for itself; all parties involved agreeing to participate without coercion.

BDSM involves, but is not limited to, any one or a combination of the following practices. The practice is as varied as the people involved in it. The main thing is eroticism.

1. Bondage: refers to the practice of physically restraining a person, by means of devices such as handcuffs, rope, chains etc.

2. Discipline: refers to the process of punishing or being punished.

3. Sadism: refers to deriving pleasure of personal gratification from causing pain, suffering or cruelty.

4. Masochism: refers to deriving pleasure from mental, emotional or physical pain.

While the major sub-groupings of BDSM are within its own definition, it encompasses a very wide variety of practices, some being obvious and others not so obvious. They include;

1. Servitude or slavery

2. Spanking/flogging/canning/whipping

3. Suspension

4. Humiliation

5. Sadism/masochism

6. Sensory deprivation (Example, blindfolding)

7. Body piercing and tattooing

8. Movement restriction

9. Sensation-play (Example, tickling)

10. Medical procedures

What sort of people practice BDSM?

Contrary to the images imprinted in our minds by the media, BDSM is not necessarily hardcore sadism or pornography. People of all walks of life, from various backgrounds and nationalities, all sexual orientations, perform BDSM activities. Participants are, in most cases, normal well-adjusted, and respectable people in their communities. In fact as much as 50% of the population have a varying degree of interest in the subject and that’s with them being knowledgeable enough to know what it encompasses. If you include in those figures couples that may have restrained each other to a bed or the simple use of a blindfold you could expect that percentage to soar. Historically this behavior was listed as a psychological problem in a similar vain to masturbation and homosexuality. Today, however, as are homosexuality and masturbation becoming increasingly accepted in society, so is BDSM.

Is BDSM abuse?

People who practice it say they do so for fun. The emphasis is on SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). It is not about dominance or forcing another person to do things they don’t want to do. It is about both parties doing what they do want to do. It involves two happy parties.

BDSM can also be subtle and highly erotic, as in the case of tickling or stimulating sensitive body parts with a feather, paintbrush or similar object. There may or may not be pain.

The majorities involved in BDSM share a heightened sense of responsibility and respect for their partners. BDSM has absolutely nothing to do with violence against a helpless victim. It is this kind of common misconception that responsible BDSM participants wish to dispel. Restraining a partner and beating them is not BDSM but simply brutality. The heightened sense of responsibility and respect often results in a positive side effect of superior levels of communication, which, in the BDSM world, is essential, and something that the majority of mainstream couples would be advised to adapt.

Responsible participants practice the use of good communication up front, the use of a ‘safe word’ which will stop the action immediately and a period of communication after any event to discuss what could be better for the next time.

Why BDSM?

There are as many reasons as there are people. The most obvious is good old fun. Some people do it to fulfill their fantasies. For others it is the role-playing. For some it is simply the feeling of dominance or submission. The list is endless.

One thing you can be sure of is that BDSM will always attract a certain curiosity. People will come from all genders and orientations establishing common ground between heterosexuals, homosexuals and any other orientation that you can think of. Before you dismiss BDSM and vouch that you would never participate in such an act or lifestyle, can you be so sure that you haven’t, to a certain degree, done so already?

Categories : Featured