Dear A/all

Spam emails have got to be the most bizarre thing I receive in my email inbox. I go to lengths to state that I, under no circumstances, want the crap they are peddling. The servers I use have spam protection, the email client I use has spam protection built in. Yet still I get emails offering me various pills and potions. Ah but these are not the normal crap these are special because they are spelt with multiple a's or replaced characters with numbers.

To me this is the equivalent of putting a moat around my house, adding machine gun nests on each corner and setting 4 large men with baseball bats outside my door. Then putting a huge neon sign up that says “salesmen will be beat to death”. The salesman that knocks on my door should realise that I don't actually want to talk to him and he is likely to get a less than friendly reception when they come calling. When one does and the baseball bats make a mess of their face they act surprised. “But you might want to talk to me” they say. Why? are you special? You think that your product is so good that I didn't mean you? You think that I meant every other salesman but you? Well I didn't, I meant exactly what I said.

Here's a hint. I didn't want the crap when it was spelt right. I have said so very, very, very clearly. I won't open an email and go “oh look it got through to my inbox, I'll take 5″ I will simply hunt the morons down and castrate them with a sledgehammer.

But seriously guys …. (well kinda)

No one likes Spam, or should I say I have never met anyone who likes spam. I for one am not to fond of it in any of its forms. Whether it in bark or in binary I really don't care, spam is spam is spam. Sometimes it makes me mad and sometimes, like today I get a bit philosophical.

I am sure that most of you agree, the people who are to blame are the ones who send it out in droves, I cannot really debate that. However, it does cause me some distress to know that the main reason we have spam is because there is a market for it. If there was no market then we would still get some but not in the proportions we are getting it today.

To have a market that pays for the equipment and bandwidth that is required to run operations like these then the market must be of a substantial size. This leads me to several conclusions about the state of our society and what could be done to reduce the problem. We need to remove the market!

I have come to the following conclusions on what could be done to reduce Spam.

Penis Enlargements and Vagina Reductions (PE and VR):
Since we live in a politically correct society I think it only fair that if men get PE's for free women should be allowed VR's for free as well, therefore.

Everyone qualifies for a PE/VR on their 18th birthday which can be deferred. When I mean everyone I really mean that. If a man has his penis enlarged and gets married his wife can then use her PE to increase her husbands to the required size. This works both ways, the man can also transfer his VR to his wife. For those men blessed with HUGE appendages then they can swap their enlargement option for an ensmallment one, this option is also open to their wives. So an exceptionally tight lady can have hers enlarged.

A Viagra a day helps you stand tall and play:
We should all receive one Viagra a day as well as receiving it in tap water the same way we get flouride. The tablet can be sold if you are single or have a broken arm or hand otherwise it must be taken.

Taking these two measures together we would effectively combat a lot of the spam in circulation today. Think about it!

Viagra is free

No more market

We all have huge cocks and tight fannies

No more market

These two simple changes would have the following knock on affect.

If everyone was always at it then the last thing we would be wanting to do is go browse porn

No more market

Now all I need to do is to figure out how to stop the rest of the spam.

Deimos