Journalists trying to cover the subject are faced with various difficulties and complications – the most important being the complexity of the subject as well as the difficulty to find people who feel comfortable with talking about their most intimate emotions in mass media. Next to that, to an outsider it is not easy to understand the cultural differences within the group and the subject takes up quite a bit of research and/or pre-production time as well as space or air time to cover it in a more serious way.

“The scene” does not exist

Despite what general opinion would like people to believe, there is no such thing as “an EPE (or BDSM) scene”. Instead there are different cultures, different sexual preferences and most of all individuals and couples practicing or just fantasizing about power dynamics in an erotic setting. One of the main difficulties is that – as a result of the very individual determination of sexual behavior in general and with that erotic power exchange – it is extremely hard, if not entirely impossible to find common denominators. Hence talking to one or two people will only sketch THEIR views. These may be significantly different from others and are most certainly not THE views or opinions.

First of all, there are very distinct differences in culture, based on sexual preference. Homosexual EPE is very different in many aspects from its heterosexual equivalent. Homosexual men are – in their EPE-emotions – very different from homosexual women and within the heterosexual world the first main difference should be made between the Maledom/femsub (dominant man/submissive woman) and the Femdom(me)/malesub (dominant woman/submissive man) cultures. When concentrating on the heterosexual “world” only, one of the major differences is the fact that the Femdom(me) culture is dominated by women, who have made a profession out of their nature; a phenomena that is almost non-existent in the Maledom/femsub culture (although there are professional submissive women and -albeit extremely few – professional dominant men).

Most of the literature available is about homosexual erotic power exchange, where power dynamics are different, the culture is much outward oriented and – although this a dangerous generalization – generally speaking, more rough. In addition, there are many technical differences between homosexual and heterosexual EPE. Another very important consideration is that sexuality between members of the same sex is entirely different from sexuality between members of the opposite sex. Beyond these major variances, there are many other heterosexual-specific concerns, such as the fact that a heterosexual couple will usually be confronted with having to raise children. It is, therefore, impossible to rely on available literature when it comes to form an undistorted opinion on heterosexual erotic power exchange.

The image of erotic power exchange is, to a large extent, generated by both pornography on one end and one-sided, dysfunction-oriented clinical and scientific research. Hence the picture the media paint – for understandable reasons – is a picture very few erotic power exchange people would recognize. One of the main reasons for this sullied view of EPE is the fact that it is difficult for media to get people to talk about their emotions. The majority of people interviewed – since they are usually the only ones available – are people who are commercially active in the erotic power exchange world – predominantly dominatrixes. These people usually and again understandable, have a one-sided image. Professional EPE-activity is a commercial enterprise with the aim to make profit, not to express the person’s own feelings towards a partner. Since the vast majority of EPE-professionals are dominatrixes, they will attract a very specific type of person, in particular submissive men. Very few of the clients a professional dominatrix has, have an active erotic power exchange relationship with their partner. And, the professionals interviewed have an entirely different agenda. Their motive is not to give unprejudiced information about their subject. Their first objective is to attract (more) clients and the immediate second motive is to make sure they stand out from their colleagues.

A picture based on alternate motives

Unfortunately, the EPE image is predominantly influenced by several elements all of which have ulterior motives. Non of them have had or currently have the objective to communicate unprejudiced information. Let’s make an interesting list of the four most influential factors on the image of erotic power exchange:

Science

The majority of scientific publications on the subject originate from the psychological/psychiatric field. None of these publications deals with the power exchange between healthy, well-adjusted people, capable to make safe, sane, consensual, well-informed and conscious decisions. Instead, all these publications deal with people seeking help (usually from the author) and have been written primarily to advocate either one specific opinion or one specific treatment by one specific therapist. Unfortunately, there is no broad, large scale research available on the phenomena of EPE. It is estimated that as much as 30 percent of the adult population has erotic power exchange fantasies and is (potentially) active in this area. The largest group that has ever been the subject of research is a group from approximately two hundred people from one country. This can hardly be called representative for the world-wide group, hence all conclusions should not be projected on the entire population. Unfortunately, this happens all too frequently.

Furthermore, much of the available scientific research available and quoted, is extremely outdated. This is especially true for politicians, legislators and lawyers in many countries, who will go back and cite research that is at least thirty or forty years old. Whereas no court or scientific body in the world would accept other (semi)medical data that old as a basis for judgment, when it comes to erotic power exchange this is still generally accepted.

Pornography and pseudo-experts

These two groups are mentioned in one header deliberately because pseudo-experts predominantly style themselves on the pictures painted by pornography, sometimes cleverly validating themselves and their views by misquoting scientists. Both pornography and pseudo-experts have only one objective: to sell as many books, articles, magazines or videos and CD’s as they possibly can. Erotic power exchange-related pornography is mainly sold to people who are NOT active in erotic power exchange. Much of what is sold is – unfortunately – quite often mistaken for information, especially by people who are new to the subject. The picture painted is not meant to give information, but instead, is meant to indulge fantasy. In these situations fantasy does not have to become reality, and when it comes to erotic power exchange, hardly ever does fully.

Media

Without making any judgments here, the media plays an important role in the image-building. Next to the difficulties sketched above – the fact that it is indeed extremely difficult to depict a clear image of EPE and the unintentional effect of dominatrixes – it is obvious that excess-oriented journalism does not help and, again, does not have the objective of communicating factual and independent information, but has the objective of selling copy as well as entertaining.

The “community” itself

Even though the various support groups put a lot of effort in trying to inform and educate, their efforts reflect the average lack of experience in mass communication as well as the variety of opinions that even the EPE community itself holds. None of the support groups, not even larger national groups like the USA National Leather Association, have any critical sway in the EPE community, compared to the number of people interested in the subject. This is again the result of both the variety of opinions held as well as the different cultures. Individual subgroups are only just finding out they have a different identity from other like-minded people. This is new and somewhat disturbing to many and it is difficult for groups as well as individuals to find and identify with a “new” identity.

These support groups are small. They do not have one-tenth of the budget, that scientists and especially pornography producers can use. There for it is a very uneven battle, trying to fight the misinformation with little more than a personal computer and a xerox-machine, when resources in the pornography industry are huge.

Finally, there are the well meant efforts of individuals, especially on the Internet, to try and build personal home pages that provide “information”. Such information is usually highly individual (and as such useful for identification purposes) and of little or no relevance for a more general informational approach.The bottom line is that the information/misinformation ratio is about 10:90. It is no wonder the image the outside world has is the wrong image; an image that has very little to do with the day-to-day practice of erotic power exchange.

Author Hans Meijer is the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing quality information about alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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The Holistic Approach

Allow us to quickly explain our view and approach. Not in order to try and force you into any direction, but to explain where we are coming from, so you will have a better understanding about the way, this online educational facility has been set up.

Erotic power exchange is a situation that incorporates – or often even encloses – spirit, body and mind and as a result will have an effect on each of these three areas that, together, make up the human being. As a result, we try to approach each area of the art of erotic power exchange on each of these levels who – in order to create the wholeness of the human being – are equally important and all deserve their, individual, attention.
Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship. From little things like blindfolding her when making love to anything like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week servitude.

The shape and form it takes totally depends upon the fantasies, situation, preferences and boundaries of the partners involved. As long as it is informed consensual, safe, sane and voluntary it is called erotic power exchange. If any or all of these four elements are missing, it is called abuse.

Next, erotic power exchange requires a specific environment. Call it a biosphere, if you like. What it requires is a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity. Which does not mean the relationship necessarily has to be a long term one. Even within a one-night-stand or casual situation all these requirements must be there – albeit probably on a less intense level – to make things work.

People will often ask: what is wrong with straight sex? Why add things like power exchange. Well, there is nothing wrong with straight sex. But there are people – such as yourself – who want more out of their relationship. Maybe even more out of life. These are the people that will identify the power element, present in every relationship, and start to work with it, magnify it, play with it, explore and experiment. In every day life all of us have to deal with power. Your boss’ power or political power for example, but not all of us become bosses or politicians or even take an interest in management or politics. The same is true for power within the sexual/relational context. Some do, some don’t.

Giving away power to your partner can be an immense erotic sensation. Being tied up, relatively helpless and being launched by your partner into your own fantasies and dreams – some people call that sub space – can be thrilling, relaxing and revealing at the same time. Pain, tickling and all sorts of other impulses – when administered with care and skill – can pump up your endorphins, giving you the same sensation sports people will sometimes feel. On the other hand, the dominant partner will feel the adrenaline and serotonine flow freely through his or her body, giving them a very powerful feeling and very intense and caring emotion at the same time. No, the people that do it don’t need the power element to be able to have an orgasm or an interesting and rewarding relationship, but yes, they do need the power element to be present and used in their relationship.

An umbrella for lots of different things

Erotic power exchange is a very individual, personal experience. That is why it is very hard to describe what it is exactly. The only element all these people – and that includes you – have in common is the fact that – for their own individual reasons – they are fascinated by the power element in a sexual/relational context. What they do, how they do it and why may be completely different things.
Erotic power exchange is an umbrella argument. One couple may fill it in as tying her up in bed, another may be fascinated by the idea of a “strange” man walking into the bedroom capturing her and a third may have a relationship where he serves her in any aspect. Many others will look for the spiritual and personal growths, this may bring about. Others are in it for the kink. All of that is quite all right, as long as it feels good for you and it brings you what you are looking for.

Erotic power exchange is like golf: it is highly individual, you are the master of your own game and you are also your own referee.
It is entirely about what you want to do. You do not have to copy others. You do not even have to agree with what others do. It is your game, your thoughts, your emotions and your fantasies. It is what you and your (future) partner share. It is being able to explore the borders of your mind and imagination in a very safe environment.

To many people erotic power exchange is not just about sex, but a lifestyle. Most people that do it will recognize it as something very personal, something very much belonging to themselves. To many it is a way to express themselves.

A definition of Erotic Power Exchange

Probably the most dangerous thing to do is to try and come up with definitions of erotic power exchange. Usually this will lead to furious discussions. However, the POWERotics Internet discussion group (one of the largest in its kind) managed to agree on a definition that seems a workable one as well as one that a large group of (Maledom/femsub oriented) people can agree upon. This is the definition, agreed upon by this group, plus the relevant notes about it.

* Erotic power exchange is defined as: voluntary and informed consensual acts of power exchange between consenting adults.
* Voluntary is defined as: not having received or being promised any – financial or non-financial – incentive or reward in order to try and coerce or force any of the partners involved into actions they would not consent to without such reward or incentive; not otherwise being forced or coerced (either through physical, mental, economical or social force or overpowering) into actions any of the partners involved otherwise would not consent to, of the own free will of all partners involved.
* Informed consensual is defined as: partners involved – prior to the act – have chosen voluntary to enter into acts of erotic power exchange and all partners involved – to the best of their knowledge – have made a serious effort to establish all other partners involved have a reasonable level of understanding of both the activities, they consented to, as well as the potential consequences and risks of such activities.
* Adults are defined as: of legal age in their area or country. Should such legal age be under 18 years of age, adult is defined as 18 years of age or older.All of the above may sound a little over the top to you – and in fact, to a certain extent we agree. However, it IS the first ever attempt to come up with a definition that is workable and that, although probably a little bit too “legal” for those inside the community, makes perfectly clear where the lines are drawn between consensual erotic power exchange on one end and abuse or outright sick or criminal behavior on the other.

Stigma & Truth

There are all sorts of knockdowns on the subject of erotic power exchange around, all of them often used by legislators as well as others who oppose erotic power exchange. All of these are based on assumed psychological or psychiatric “knowledge” or “facts”. The fact of the matter is that none of these are actually true or proven. We have collected the most common ones around and compared them with the real facts.

“Once you start, you will want more and more”

This is what pseudo-experts will introduce as the “stepping stone theory”.

In other words, once you have tasted the effects of, for example, pain, you will want more and more of it and it will end in excessive behavior and addiction. In fact there is no “stepping stone theory” (the term originates from research into the causes of drug-addiction in the late 1960′s and by the way the theory didn’t work in that area either) as far as erotic power exchange is concerned.

Fact number two is this. Like almost anything about erotic power exchange, there is hardly any serious and published scientific research on this subject. Next, nearly all research commonly referred to as being about EPE has been research done in individual cases or extremely small groups. Any conclusions, based on such research, are not valid for the entire group for simple statistical and mathematical reasons only, if nothing else. Research has predominantly been done by psychiatrists and psychologists – into cases that almost all relate to direct questions for help or significant health-related problems. And the objective of almost all of these articles is to promote the therapy of that particular therapist. General sociological research in the area of erotic power exchange is rare and, if available, has been done predominantly in the gay community or with such small – and country or area specific – research groups that it is impossible to draw any general conclusions in a responsible way.

Fact number three is that the reality of erotic power exchange shows an entirely different picture. People who are into erotic power exchange will usually start to experiment with it and in this experimental phase will usually want to explore all possibilities. As time progresses their emotions will settle down, pieces of the puzzle will fall into place and their wants and needs – once explored and identified – will settle down to the level that usually corresponds with the fantasies people originally had.

“The need to go into power exchange always hides a traumatic experience”

This knockdown is based on Freud who, as we all know, tried to explore the relationship between all sorts of human behavior – not only the sexual behavior – and (early) childhood experiences. His method is called psycho-analysis and in modern psychology is considered outdated and largely irrelevant.
Although it is a fact that some people who are into erotic power exchange have a history of abuse or childhood trauma, a general connection has never been established. What may be true in individual cases most certainly is not true as a general argument. What research did establish is that there are no significant differences between the number of people with traumatic experiences in the erotic power exchange community than there are in any other group.

More recent research points to both genetic influences as well as to a creative and inquisitive mindset as factors that may be of influence to the development of erotic power exchange feelings and emotions. However, this research is far from finalized and in fact again is only limited to individual cases, like most of the scientific research done in this area.

Another – relatively new – area that may play a role is the influence of endorphins. Endorphins are hormones, natural opiates, produced by the body and commonly known as “emotion” amino acids. Different mixtures of different types of endorphins will create different emotions. Some of these mixtures are created as a result of fear, stress and pain. What role they play when it comes to the development of erotic power exchange emotions is yet unknown.

“The need for power exchange points to a stern upbringing”

Again a “semi-Freudian” misconception and based on one case of one man, researched and published about by Freud.

The fact of the matter is that most of the people who are into erotic power exchange have had a perfectly normal youth and upbringing and the majority come from families where sexuality was a subject that could be discussed freely and openly. Again there may be individual cases where people had a stern – or sometimes very religious – upbringing but whether or not there are any connections between upbringing and erotic power exchange emotions in general is yet to be determined and probably very unlikely as far as the development of the emotions as such is concerned.

“People into erotic power exchange can not find full sexual satisfaction in other ways”

This is an outright lie, based on research done in cases of excessive clinical sadism and masochism (i.e. the mental illnesses). It is true that the severe mental distortions usually described as sadism and masochism may (but not always do) show this type of behavior. Erotic power exchange, however, has nothing to do with mental distortions but with perfectly normal erotic/sexual behavior between perfectly normal, well-adjusted, responsible adults.

People into erotic power exchange will usually consider their feelings and emotions important and will identify erotic power exchange as a lifestyle, but that does not mean they have a compulsive need. The lack of compulsive behavior in fact is what separates erotic power exchange from clinical sadists and masochists.

In fact in many cases people will identify their erotic power exchange emotions as entirely different from sexual emotions or – for example – an orgasm.

“Dominant men are just male chauvinists”

The fact of the matter is that the majority of dominant men are very caring, loving and open minded people – as are most dominant women by the way. The position of the dominant in erotic power exchange by definition requires a lot of understanding, caring, trust and most of all a great interest in the wants and needs and emotions of the submissive partner. What to the outsider may seem a very strict, direct, powerful and maybe sometimes somewhat aggressive looking macho man in fact is only role play, using symbols and role behavior but underneath is almost always a very caring person.
The average submissive partner, when asked, will usually describe the dom as understanding – generally knowing more about his submissive partner than (s)he does (or did) him or herself – supportive, careful, loving and protective.

“Submissive women betray the movement for women’s rights”

Being submissive and allowing these emotions to come out is a very self-confident statement and decision as well as a difficult and scary process. Submissive women are usually very self aware and are making very conscious decisions about their submissiveness. They are anything but “doormats” and have – generally speaking – gone through a long process of identifying and accepting themselves as well as their submissive feelings and emotions.

Just as dominant erotic behavior is not an indication of general dominance, neither is submissiveness an indication that the (wo)men will display submissiveness in every day life. Usually they will be anything but submissive, although it is a fact that as long as submissive emotions have not settled down, submissive women especially sometimes may have trouble separating some of their submissive feelings from other things.
The argument itself originates from hard line feminist activists who – predominantly out of fear for unwanted influence – try to separate women from other opinions than the ones such activists have.

“People who are dominant in every day life are submissive in bed and vice versa”

Sexual/erotic behavior is usually not an indication for any other form of social behavior, neither are there any proven links between the two. Dominants can have both dominant as well as non-dominant positions in every day life and the same goes for submissive’s. A female executive can be submissive in the bedroom, a male nurse can be dominant. The above statement is a classic example of stereotyping, mainly based on pornography and stories from prostitutes who – through indicating they have “socially important or significant customers” – in fact try to market their profession and often use arguments like these in a rather naive effort to gain more social acceptance and respect for their trade.

“Erotic power exchange is dangerous”

There are all sorts of stories around about accidents, that happened during erotic power exchange sessions. The most “famous” one around is the story about the man who – after cuffing his wife to the bed – climbed the nearest cupboard in an effort to jump on her, broke both his legs, fell into the locked closet and the couple had to wait for two days before help arrived. This story – like many others – is around in almost all countries and – like nearly all others – is a tall story. Of course, anything one does without sufficient knowledge can be risky or even dangerous. The truth of the matter is that safe, sane, voluntary and informed consensual erotic power exchange is perfectly safe, provided people know what they are doing.

Early Recollection

The vast majority (over 50 percent) of the people actively nurturing erotic power exchange emotions recollect fantasies about power role play at an early age, prior to their 18th birthday. Just about half of this group (in other words 25 percent of all BDSM-people) recollects having such fantasies before the age of twelve – quite frequently as early as six or seven.

Research by the POWERotics Foundation shows women usually recollect erotic power exchange fantasies and emotions earlier than men on average. Recollections of fantasies and emotions before the age of 12 for example are more frequent (24%) in the female group (men 16%). Very recent recollections, after their 18th birthday, are more frequent in the male group: 22% as opposed to only 5% in the female group.

There are no real differences when it comes to the importance of personal fantasies. Between 40 and 45 percent of both groups indicate that it have been these fantasies that triggered their erotic power exchange emotions. The same goes for the influence of books and general media on the development of such emotions. Around 20 percent of both groups indicate this as a trigger. There are, however, big differences when it comes to the influence of the Internet. Almost twice as many young women (15% opposed to 8%) name the Internet as a trigger of their emotions, whereas almost twice as many young men (11% versus 6%) say they have been influenced by pornography. It is important to notice however that the influence of both the Internet and pornography are only of minor influence, when compared to other triggers such as private fantasies and general media.

Young women in general consider erotic power exchange of a greater importance in their lives than young men. 53% of the young women consider it to be either a very important or the most important thing in their lives, whereas 44% of the men consider it important but have other priorities as well. Slightly more young men (12%) than women (10%) see erotic power exchange as just a kick.

Hans Meijer is the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation that supports quality information about alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Ads in a Specialized Website/ Magazine

It is usually free for you to place an ad, but in most cases, men are required to pay in order to answer an ad. As a lady, you simply need to wait for a response to your ad, while a man may have to make initial contact. While it may also happen, it’s however not the norm for ladies to respond to ads.

Social Gathering in the Lifestyle

These gatherings take the form of munches where lifestyle members get to meet in non-threatening situations. Normally, no dress code is required and the gathering is aimed at enabling members to chat and exchange views about BDSM. Here, you are likely to find more Doms than subs, as well as more men than women.

Play Parties

Play parties are either private of public. Most public parties will be advertised on specialized websites or magazines where everyone is invited. However, public parties do not provide the intimate setting that most players prefer. What’s more, most players will attend these parties with their partners in tow. For privacy, many players prefer to go to the “invitation only” private parties, which most attend as a couple as well.

Chat Rooms

Many lifestyle members already take part in cyber play on online chat rooms. However, such forums are normally frequented by men and women who are not quite ready to get into the real stuff. As such, if you are searching for a partner on chat rooms, be prepared for some disappointments.

It is important to always keep an eye out for a possible Dom or sub, as you never know what secret fetish your librarian or even next door neighbor could be harboring. Be sure to always start your search with the simple aim of beginning a discussion between you and your prospective partner. Thereafter, you will have the opportunity to take things further with a partner with whom you share complementary interests.

Joan One is a freelance journalist and creative writer who immensely enjoys writing and researching into any topic under the Sun. She specializes in writing “green” eco-friendly topics aimed at enabling environmentally conscious readers to find simple ways to reduce their carbon footprint and help save our planet.

Author: Joan One
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Since the same research (European as well as American) indicates that between 20 and 50 percent of population has an abuse history, one may safely say the same goes for EPE people, doms and sub alike.

One important thing to notice here is that first of all the term “abuse” is just as vague as “car-accident” and – without a proper definition of what is considered abuse in any particular case – is useless. Abuse – apart from the very obvious cases – is first of all very personal perception by the victim (which does NOT mean to say it is a lesser form of abuse – just that different people have different perceptions) and as such, as science and experts will readily admit, is one of the most difficult things to give a definition for in any more or less general format.

Another thing to remember here is that it is very important to make a distinct difference between different forms of abuse. Juvenal trauma can not be compared to spousal abuse, rape is different for men and women and the worst thing to do is throw everything on one big pile. Which is another reason why the term “abuse” is useless and empty, because it says very little (again not meaning to say that abuse isn’t bad).

And then there is the most difficult nut to crack in this area. I know I am very likely to get flamed here tremendously but I am going to do this anyway.

As some of you may know I have been involved in quite a few BDSM-related court cases and police investigations, either as consultant or expert witness and I have worked with several psychiatric departments of hospitals on the same issue. I am saying this so you understand where I’m coming from here.

First of all: there is a lot of research done, especially on the issue of erotic power exchange, sado-masochism and abuse. Much more than many of you seem to know. And much less stigmatized as many in the community seem to think. Especially in Europe some universities (Heidelberg and Trier in Germany, Arhus in Denmark and Utrecht in the Netherlands) have entire departments of the Psychology and Psychiatry faculties working on that and there is a lotof scientific material available if you take the trouble to look for it. Much of that is quite easily available actually, albeit not always in English.

Having said that, there is one pretty common theory among the researchers (taking a bit of time to get here, so bear with me).

Ever since Freud (but before that actually since Kraft-Ebing) the popular assumption was that submissives (masochists – yes, the damn terminology again) themselves more or less brought the abuse upon themselves by assuming the victim role naturally as a result of their inclination. That theory stood up for half a century and – unfortunately – is still often used.

In the meantime things have changed. One thing that has changed is that even American psychiatry these days makes a clear distinction between consentual adult sexual behavior (including erotic power exchange) and sadism/masochism. As far as MASOCHISTS (i.e. the ill people) are concerned, the Freud theory still stands and in the meantime is proven. However!!!!!!! There are not that many clinical masochists, just as there aren’t that many clinical sadists.

So where Freud and others thought everyone with a submissive inclination was a masochist, these days everybody with reasonable and up to date knowledge on the subject (except large parts of the epe-comminuty itself) for good reasons makes a distinct difference between sadism/masochism and dominance/submission and as you can see for very good reasons.

Clinical cases of both sadism and masochism are far beyond the scope of erotic power exchange, and that includes help and treatment. That is one reason why there are so many warnings NOT to play therapist in an epe-context. Since you all are amateurs in this are (and that includes professionals who take their profession into the bedroom), you are simply not qualified, if not for lack of professional distance most certainly for lack of knowledge and experience. If you “the healer” (deliberately being sarcastical here) happen to run into a clinical masochist all you do by letting her play out her masochsim is that you are rewarding the wrong behavior which will only make things worse. Exactly the same happens when you run into a clinical sadist. It is much like if you try to teach your dog not to be afraid of fireworks by taking him on your lap and stroking him. By doing that you are doing exactly the wrong thing: rewarding the wrong behavior, hence you will increase the fear instead of fighting it.

That is exactly what you do if start to play out masochistic fantasies with a clinical masochist. Like I said, masochists – although there are few – are likely to indeed “bring the abuse upon themselves”, either because they want to, or because they feel the need to be punished, or they are looking for what they think is a safe environment (knowing what abuse is and having been conditioned to live with it can feel safer than a normal life) or whatever other reason. There are many.

Submissives however is an entirely different case. They do NOT bring the abuse upon themselves but – and here is the more modern view – do something else that can be just as dangerous (although understandable). Someone who has been abused will almost always try to look for a reason, an explanation, something that satisfied the need of their brain for a logical explanation of what has happened. And that is where discussions about erotic power exchange and abuse come in. A more modern theory is that those who allready have a submissive inclination (which is quite likely to be genetically encoded to a large extend) tend to look for an explanation there. To many that makes the trauma bearable and can help them get over it or at least deal with it.

Although that is understandable, that again is a dangerous motivation, since it is the worng medicine (as in no medicine at all) for the wrong disease. Dealing with a trauma should ALWAYS be done outside an erotic power exchange environment and especially if it is sexual abuse should never be dealt with in a sexual context in the first place. Even if there is such a thing as a fight fire with fire theory (which in cases like these is very unlikely) that is still something people should NOT engage in on an amateur basis, no matter how caring, loving, supporting, understanding their partner may be. That partner can be extremely important but NOT in that area. Dealing with trauma – if someone can not do that herself (or himself) – always requires help by a professional. Not in the first place because of his/knowledge and skills, but because of the need for professional distance to start with.

Back to the subject: abuse is way to broad a term to just fool around with. No, there are no proven connections and yes, the community itself has a tendency to over-emphasize abuse and to seek for explanations that are not there, no matter how conveniant they may seem to be.

Which all doesn’t mean to say we should not try and fight abuse viqorously on a constant basis.

Author Hans Meijer (54) is a former Dutch journalist and currently the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing quality information about alternative lifestyles. He is the author of several books and has assisted law enforcement agencies, therapists and magistrates in BDSM-related cases.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Anti-angiogenic Food

We’re not talking here of ‘plushies’, those who fetishise stuffed ‘plush’ animals like teddy bears. Nor are we referring to the Furries who enjoy a non-sexual devotion to cartoon animals from comic books and animated TV shows. Instead, we are looking at Furverts, the label given to people who sexualise their cartoon characters.

The Furvert scene emerged in the 1980s and, in the main, Furvert activity deals with creating or collecting illustrations of imaginary furry characters and/or role-playing in online sites like multi-user dungeons (MUD’s) and other interactive fan sites.

The crucial feature of furry fandom is the anthropomorphic nature of the characters. That is, fictional animals with human traits such as walking on two feet, talking and wearing clothes. If we imagine an eroticised version of Little Red Riding Hood, where the wolf walks and talks in a human fashion, and then move on from the vicarious into role-play and sexual activity, we are very close to understanding the enjoyment of the Furvert.

Some Furries scorn the adult material and activity, claiming that it gives Furry fandom a bad reputation. This is somewhat understandable given that much of the origin of a Furverts enjoyment is in material aimed at children.

However, that is to misunderstand the subculture. Whilst many furry fans are adults who enjoy themes that are considered unsuitable for children, Furvert activity is not about paedophile behaviour. To outsiders, the combination of childhood imagery and sexuality can be disturbing but Furverts have no interest in sex with children. It is about “grown up” childhood dreams and fantasies.

As well as engaging in cybersex, for the serious Furvert there are furry summer camps and conventions, where people interact with other Furverts in role, sometimes in homemade costumes known as fursuits. Interestingly, a very high percentage of the Furvert scene is comprised of gay men. Some consider this the case because one of the original convention organizers was a gay man who promoted it to the general gay community. But, there has long been an affinity between some gay men and Disney animated movies and characters. And it should also be noted that creative costuming and performing are more acceptable among men in the gay community than in the straight community.

Increasingly, Furverts are beginning to explore BDSM scenarios and BDSM fantasies, particularly pony play, where the anthropomorphic nature of furry fandom is contradicted to the extent that it is the human taking on animal traits. However, the use of bondage and other sado-masochistic behaviours in this more extreme fetish does not reflect the Furvert subculture in general. To your average Furvert the sexualised cartoon character is enough and, despite the media focus on the more extreme aspects of furry sexuality, the wealth of material reflecting this shows that not all Furverts are engaging in furry cybersex or running through the hills in their favourite Disney costume, regardless of the highly entertaining mental image that conjures up.

Claire Gaskin is a social researcher and co-founder of two successful dating sites: [http://www.fetish-mate.com] and http://www.music-mate.com

Author: Claire Gaskin
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Many clients present themselves to a prospective Mistress in an unfavorable way, which results in them not being given that precious opportunity to serve. Sometimes clients can find a Pro-Domme who will session with them, only to discover that the so called “Dominatrix” is inexperienced or lacking in skills. As the saying goes, “a good Domme is hard to find.” This difficulty in finding a Mistress often occurs due to the submissive’s naivete or because he possesses a “Dive Bar Attitude.” However, by following six simple steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, it is highly unlikely that a prospective client will not be given an opportunity to serve a professional.

What is a “Dive Bar Attitude?”

Many prospective clients present themselves to a Pro-Domme inappropriately because they possess what I’ve termed a “Dive Bar Attitude.” When a person goes to a dive bar, they do so with certain expectations. They expect to be served. They expect to have their thirst quenched. They expect to get drunk without paying a lot of money. They expect that, other than their payment, they will not be required to provide anything to the proprietor. This is the WRONG ATTITUDE when approaching a Pro-Domme.

Think of approaching a prospective Mistress as having more in common with an outing to a new, fashionable club. There’s preliminary legwork that must be done to prepare (such as making a reservation, or learning what the dress code entails). The establishment wants a certain type of clientele because the club’s clientele is a reflection of the club. And because many people want to experience the club, the proprietor can be picky about who gets in. Once inside the club, the visitor’s main expectation is to simply experience the club. The goal is not cheap drunkenness. Instead, it’s to experience the whole ambiance of the club, to relish the very experience of it, and to enjoy drinks that are expertly prepared. It’s a premium experience that is being sought, and it’s not bargain priced.

Knowing this, how should a client tailor their approach to a prospective Mistress?
As a wise person once said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Pro-Dommes are approached by numerous prospective clients. Many of these men fall victim to the Mistress’ delete button. Because so many who approach us are time wasters who regard us as masturbation fodder, we have no choice but to discard the e-mails of those who exhibit insensitivity or lack of social awareness. If you properly introduce yourself in that first communication (presumably an e-mail), you will stand out from the crowd and you will please the Domme.

So, keeping in mind the exclusive nature of sessioning with the best Pro-Dommes, and knowing that you must make your very best impression in order to earn the opportunity to serve a Mistress, what protocol should a prospective submissive follow?

Step 1: Do Your Research

You most likely found the Mistress through her website, so read it! Read every word; don’t just perv on her pics. Her website is a reflection of who she is. It will tell you her interests, her likes and dislikes, and (most importantly) how she likes things done. It is basically a virtual version of herself. It is her domain. I repeat, read every word.

Step 2: Exhibit Self-Awareness & Honesty

Someone who is self-aware makes a good client. Know what you want, and know what you are capable of delivering. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. It may make a good fantasy to envision life as my 24-7 slave, a slave that will do everything I say without question. But please don’t waste my time with your fantasy unless you actually: 1) truly want that, and 2) can provide that. If you have a day job as an attorney or a CFO or an engineer, I don’t think you’re going to be giving that up anytime soon. Don’t waste my time with your masturbatory fantasy. Just keep it to yourself, please. What I would like to know is what you can truly offer me. If what you can offer is a client who would like to session with me every couple of weeks… perhaps because you enjoy bottoming watersports (feel free to insert your favorite fetish here) but don’t have a woman in your life who is into that, THEN SAY THAT! That type of communication shows self-awareness and, hey, it’s honest. Honesty makes a Mistress happy.

Step 3: Don’t Be Creepy

No, of course you’re not creepy, not in your regular life. You’re normal. You have a normal job, a normal family, normal friends, and normal hobbies and interests. Most likely, you probably even have a pretty normal sex life. Please don’t take this opportunity while communicating with a Pro-Domme to suddenly turn into a strange incarnation of yourself. Don’t be a troll, and please don’t harass the Mistress. Approach her as you would any business professional.

Step 4: Be Respectful

Address the Pro-Domme how she wants to be addressed. Some Mistresses want to be called Mistress or Goddess or another title. Other Mistresses prefer NOT to be addressed that way by strangers. If you have read the Mistress’ website completely, she most likely specified how she would like to be addressed.

Send a photo if the Mistress requested you do so, but don’t send graphically sexual photos. If she wants these, she will request them when she is ready for them.

Step 5: Begin Building a Connection

Don’t give empty compliments. Most Dominatrices have an extremely good bullshit meter. Do show her that you are interested in her specifically. What is it about her that attracted you? Begin to also share some personal information about yourself: a physical description, career, location, marital status, whether you have a car (that can be important when considering service submissives, especially). Also, be sure to include the times you are most often available for sessions and, of course, your contact information.

Step 6: Present Yourself Favorably

In your e-mail, put your best foot forward, but also be yourself- the most respectful version of yourself. Every Mistress will have personal preferences regarding the type of submissive with whom she most enjoys playing. You can’t be who you aren’t, so be who you are. Don’t grovel and don’t beg. This generally makes most Dominatrices want to vomit. Try approaching her as a man with respect for himself and respect for all women.

Conclusion

By following the above six steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, you will demonstrate to the Mistress that you are sincere, respectful, and would make an enjoyable, interesting submissive. You will find your success rate with the most desirable Pro-Dommes will increase. You will also find those first few sessions with your new Mistress will be even more enjoyable for both of you.

About The Author:

Isabella Benjamin is a professional Dominatrix living and working in New York City. As “Mrs. Benjamin,” her Pro-Domme persona, she specializes in fetish play, domestic discipline, and roleplay. Mrs. Benjamin is always accepting applications from sincere men and women who would like to indulge their fetishes or explore their submissive fantasies. For more information, please visit her site at http://www.mistressbenjamin.com

Copyright 2010 Isabella Benjamin; article may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without the written consent of the author. All rights reserved.

Author: Isabella Benjamin
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Pros

They look really sexy and if you show them to your partner there will be no misunderstanding about your intensions. Metal handcuffs are extremely easy to handle and store and they will last forever.You probably could leave them as part of your inheritance. Now handcuffs are simply a must have for anyone who’s into BDSM or just kinky sex. You can argue, but it’s a symbol, not just a metal restraint.

Cons

Metal can hurt skin tissue or cut the blood circulation if you push the cuffs too hard and leave them locked tight. Check if handcuffs have double locking system and use. Cuffs, especially the ones used by police are made of high quality metal so loosing a key is a really bad idea. Waiting for a locksmith naked and bound is not the best way of spending Friday night. Always have a spare key stored in a secure, easy to reach place.

So…

I recommend using metal handcuffs for role-play and avoid using them in the sessions where the bound partner has to stay or move in inconvenient poses for a long time. Remember, safety is one of the main issues in any BDSM related activity.

Tips that will help you choose handcuffs.

Author: Johan Tyros
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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First this. There is a difference between “defending” and “explaining”. And that, in itself, is a power ritual.

When operating from the “defending” position the defender de facto places him/herself in the underdog position and, through the act of defending, the defender implicitely agrees that he/she is being attacked and – again implicitely – acknowledges that there is a reason for this attack, no matter how futile this reason may be.

Coming form the “explaining” (teaching or informing, if you like) position, he/she who explaines places him/herself in an entirely different position: as an equal in the power-situation or – especially in a teaching-situation – in an even more powerful position. Personally, I prefer the the explaining-position, when it comes to talking to outsiders about BDSM.

Back to the subject at hand.

BDSM is nothing but an explicit (magnified) form of power play between people. And not necessarily limited to the sexuality-issue. In fact, the sexual connotations are probably part of the power-instruments, partners/players have in a BDSM-situation. That is why it would be very helpful if any research on BDSM would be taken OUT of the sexuality corner and into the corner where it belongs: sociology and antropology – i.e. the sciences of the human behavior patterns and cultures.

BDSM doesn’t belong (or at best only partially belongs) in the field dominated by therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors.

Why, you might ask.

Power dynamics are as normal (and essential) to the human race as eating, drinking, breathing and sleeping. In other words: without it, the human race just doesn’t function the way it does. And neither does any society, human or animal. Just look at a society of monkeys, or lions, or elephants, or starfish and you’ll see power patterns. Patterns that are different from the human ones, but still power patterns. And these power patterns (next to such things as feeding and hunting) almost always apply to sexuality as well. Makes sense, since from an evolutionary point of view reproduction is priority number one. Keeping the species alive and in tact is even more important than breathing or feeding. Evolution doesn’t care if you die – as long as make sure you have taken care of your offspring, so the species continues to exist.

Reproduction = sexuality = inherent power dynamics!

Overpowering is natural (and genetically encoded) and in principle evolution again doesn’t care about moral, legislation and other norms and values. It just cares about reproduction and adaption. And – quite frankly it doesn’t matter who (male or female) takes the initiative – one partner will make sure he or she gets what he/she wants from an evolutionary point of view. Which is: mixing strong genes with other strong genes.

Since adaptation for any species is just as important as reproduction (reproduction in itself is useless if the species doesn’t adapt as well) norms and values are important and as a result will probably become an important part of the lovemaking/reproduction RITUAL. And ritual is the key word in any power driven situation. Ritual and conventions.

Here we go. Labourers and employers have their own rituals, when it comes to playing out the power dynamics between them – for example to gain better wages. Of course everyone knows that strikes will eventually lead to negociations and to an end-result. So if we know we’ll need to negociate sooner or later, what’s the use of a strike or a demonstration? Well, that is the power ritual. And that power ritual is part of the power-dynamics. Much like a mating ritual, actually. Fight first, become friends afterwards and find a solution. The ritual is needed to allow both sides to later explain they were the winner. To each other as well as to the ones they represent. And even more important: the entire powerplay was an effective method to show how much they CARE!

Similar power rituals exist in politics. They do not always seem to make sense, but at least you might argue that since they’ve been around for centuries, we (the human race) apparantly need them. And again the “we are showing we care” argument is just as important as the ritualistic behavior towards each other.

Similar principles apply in schools, or in economic competition, or in the workplace, or ….. well, you name it. There is hardly any area in a human life where there are no power dynamics involved, one way or another. So power dynamics are part of the way we (the human race) behave. Hence it is no surprise power dynamics will also play a role in the sexuality between partners. And they do – even in a non-BDSM context.

So power rituals in a sexual context are nothing new and nothing special. Showing you have power in many cases means: you care!

Hence sexual power play doesn’t belong in the “therapist corner”. You need to eat, otherwise you can’t have sex. That doesn’t turn food-science into an area for sexologists and therapists.
You need to work in order to stay alive (and actually your economical success has a huge influence on your ability to mate). That doen’t make economics the area area of psychologists.

In other words: power behavior is normal human behavior and power behavior in (or with) a sexual context is no different.

Next question: is magnifying the power dynamics in a sexual context any different from other power situations?

By designing a system where – and not only for pratical reasons – we elect people to represent our interests when it comes to shaping and controlling the general society, the human race implicitely acknowledges that politics is a profession (although many might argue they’re not) and that an explicit power system is useful. If not, why do we need elections and (probably more importantly) “winners”? Why do we need different ideologies when we could just as well design a system, based on the concept on what is needed and reasonable? One answer is that the human race again needs to be able to see these power struggles going on and as a result identify with the winner of the battle.

The economy simple does not work without competition, although it would probably make a lot more sense to simply share what we have and – as a planet – work together to preserve the planet and grow what we need.

Still, life doesn’t work that way. An important part of marketing is that people want to share the success (of a brand or a product) in order to be able to identify with it. Again we need winners – someone or something with a strong power appeal.

And then we’re not even talking about the appeal of sports!

Not everyone wants to be part of a “power circle”. Not everyone becomes a politician, or a salesman, or an athlete. Some do. In sports, ahtletes are pretty useless without spectators.

In economics, products (and hence product-designers and marketeers) are useless without people buying them. And politicians are useless without the electorate.

So in any situation a small group magnifies the power-dynamics within that groups and plays and works with it. Hence, it only makes sense to expect a group of people to do the same in their lovemaking/sexuality. And yes, some do – they are “into BDSM”.

Apparantly “we” are not much different.

But, there may be something else. “We” have things like fetishes, leather “uniforms” and power symbols such as whips.

Ritualistic behavior again is no different from other power situations. The powerful business world has its own symbols and rituals. Try entering a board-meeting in your jeans and T-shirt. No one will identify you are a powerful economical hotshot. However, dress sharp, buy an Armani suit, a tie, a cellphone, an attache-suitcase and an Audi or a Porsche and EVERYONE will recognize you as one. No different from leather trousers and a whip, I’d say.

A police uniform (among other things) is a symbol of power, so is the doctor’s white coat and the teacher’s jeans and sweater. Most members of any social group will tell you: “if you want to be one, look like one”. Show your colors. You don’t go to a baseball-match wearing your fishing outfit (and most certainly not wearing the colors of the club you do NOT support!).

Each social group – especially when it comes to the power dynamics within that group, has its own “fetishes” and rituals. Again, in sexual behavior things are no different. The “sexual power hotshots” (the BDSM-group) have their own. In principle, leather, whips and cuffs are no different from the Armani suit, the police-uniform and the baseball cap. Different in the way they look, but no different when it comes to function.

If the above is all true, is there any difference when it comes to “picking our battle grounds”, i.e. the “arena” where the power play is being exercized?

I’m afraid the answer again is: not really. Politics belong in their specific “houses”: the capitol, town hall, you name it. Legal battles belong in courthouses. Sports have their arenas and stadiums, the business world has its board and meeting rooms and BDSM has: its dungeons and the bedroom.

In other words: magnified power dynamics is nothing new, when it comes to general human behavior. And magnified power dynamics always require their specific environment, their specific rituals, behavior patterns, lingo, norms and values and fetishes and rituals.

So, no – “we” are no different. We’re actually very human.

Ahthor Hans Meijer (54), former Dutch journalist and currently chairman of the Powerotics Foundation fequently publishes about alternative culture and lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Thankfully, there are some informational resources out there that can provide legitimate information on the subject that many can find helpful. For those with a sincere interest in the subject, here is an overview of BDSM and BDSM dating.

For those not familiar with what BDSM entails, it is a lifestyle based on domination and submission. One partner may be the dominant one and the other may be the submissive one. In some relationships, it is not uncommon for the two to switch roles.

There is also a lot of kinky fetish play that is involved in BDSM relationships. Commonly, such fetish play will entail masochistic components. Such relationships are certainly not easy to pursue since not everyone finds BDSM to be appealing. However, for those that do, this can be considered a popular lifestyle choice.

There are options available to those that would wish to explore BDSM related lifestyles. One of the most common means would be to look through local BDSM based singles sites or publications for ‘munches.’ Munches are basically informal meetings where those with an interest in BDSM can have a luncheon and discuss their interests in a PG rated environment.

For many, this is a decent introduction because it does not have the adult oriented components that may make a newbie looking for BDSM information nervous. Adult oriented adventures can make a lot of people new to such lifestyles nervous. That is why it is best to take a slow approach to the process and engage in a learning stage prior to jumping into anything new.

Some may even look towards BDSM training and educational programs for their BDSM information. Yes, such events exist and they are quite popular in the world of fetish lifestyles. While not dating events, these programs can prove helpful to those that wish to discover more about the lifestyle in a non-stressful manner.

But, what about those individuals that would love to meet someone for BDSM dating? One of the increasingly more popular ways to find someone new would be to look towards online dating sites that cater to BDSM tastes.

Such sites can prove to be the perfect venue for starting your journey because they provide a means in which you can take things slow. You can take your time in order to get a feel for the people involved in the lifestyle. Taking things slow might not always be possible when you are meeting people at a fetish club. This is why the online option should always remain a viable one. For many, the online dating process is perfect for BDSM information.

Seeking BDSM partners? Now find top rated free trial membership sites for BDSM Personals dating. The author, David Kamau, is offering free top-selling books filled with Internet Dating Tips and romance tips, which you can download instantly.

Author: David N Kamau
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Some interesting stats on BDSM

Unlike you could think bondage and pain are very common in bedrooms all other the world, several researches show that up to 15% of population use BDSM practices on regular basis and almost 50% of people have a positive erotical reaction on pain. So the chances are your partner is craving for spanking and bondage even more than you do, but is hesitating just like you.

But how?

Ok, many people like it, but how do I ask my partner to try BDSM for the first time? The answer is as short as it’s hard. Just talk to your partner. You should be prepared for the discussion. If you don’t usually talk about sex and the things that turn you on, make it your habit.

Make a list of fantasies that you would like to try, keep it simple for the first time, and let your partner choose the things that may turn both of you on. Maybe you will have an additional list of you partner’s fantasies that you also would like to try. Sometimes people we think we know surprise us.

Don’t try it all at once. Yes, that latex whipping scene in metal bondage on a spaceship was very hot, but try to concentrate on one or two things that you desire most. You can try the sex on spaceship later anyway.

Safe words

Safe words are the other topic you should discuss before the BDSM session. Safe words in BDSM practice are used to stop or slow down the action. Sometimes the shouts “stop” and “no” can mean quite the opposite, especially during flogging or roleplaying, so you should choose the words that will not be commonly used during your sessions, something like “Japan” or “plum”.

Bondage

First option is to try some light bondage. Forget about huge metal constructions and St. Andrew’s cross you’ve seen in a movies on those sites. You don’t want you partner to run away in fear, do you? Although handcuffs from an adult online store are a good idea but I personally recommend trying something like a scarf or piece of cotton rope. Do not use pantyhose or silk scarf. They are too thin and can cut the blood circulation, so don’t use them until you got some expertise.

Tie your partner to a bedpost, a chair, a banister if you have one or just tie the hands behind the back. Bear in mind that in case of hands behind you can’t lay the partner on the back, it’s uncomfortable. Tease your partner with pain or pleasure, that’s your choice, surprise is a part of fun, but don’t forget the set limits.

Spanking

Most of pairs practicing BDSM use spanking at least as part of foreplay and it’s accepted as a common practice even by those who are not into BDSM, so why don’t you try it first. Bend you partner other the knees, or tie the partner to the bed to add tension and give a slap. Don’t rush, spank slow and easy at first, pay attention to partner’s reaction. Don’t push your partner too hard, in best case you should slow down before you hear the safe word.

In fact some people can wait and endure the pain just because they want your approval. Don’t abuse these good feelings, you need to find the pain limits of your partner based both on verbal and nonverbal reactions.

Whipping

Whipping is a more complicated matter than spanking as it involves using the tools like floggers, belts, whips and so on. Adult stores nowadays offer a wide variety of devices that can look hot for you, but don’t forget that they can scare off your partner. Try a soft flogger at first.

Choose the flogger with many wide tails, the wider the better. Make sure it’s made of soft leather or suede and try it on your own hand. Remember, this is all to make your partner feel comfortable and get him used to the BDSM techniques. Show the device to your partner before the session, let him or her get used to it.

As with spanking start slow and easy as you are not professional yet, be careful. Try to focus on buttocks as they are less vulnerable to an accidental damage. Be sure to read some additional literature on whipping technique as it is very important for your partners health.

Go on and try!

To sum it all up starting practicing BDSM with your partner is rather simple, so go ahead and try. I’ve prepared a short list to show you how easy every step is.

• Make a list of fantasies that you would like to try with your partner.
• Discuss the list and choose the things that turn both of you on.
• Set the safe words that will stop or slow down the session.
• Choose and buy the equipment that clicks with both of you (if you need it).
• Turn off the phones and try some BDSM action!
• Discuss the session with you partner.

I recommend you write a list of desires right now, open Notepad, MS Word, OpenOffice or whatever you have and do it, don’t waste your time. After that you can read some additional articles right here on EzineArticles. And do talk to you partner this week.

http://lesbianbdsm.kinky-thingy.com/bdsm-stats/

Author: Johan Tyros
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Pressure cooker

In this article you will educate yourself about BDSM and in what way it can be used as stress relief for some.

Firstly, BDSM is short for for Bondage, Discipline and Sado Masochism. Additionally, it is short for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism.

BDSM involves two or more people in several roles. Often, one person plays the dominant role while the other plays a submissive role. The dominating person administers pain to the submissive person by means of “torture”, beatings, and whippings. Chiefly, the submissive person enjoys increasingly being in bondage, while the dominant person enjoys the experience of power. There is a consensual arrangement between the parties, and thus even though it would appear that the submissive person is being forced to take the pain, both parties are experiencing pleasure. Therefore, it is easy to see how this technique can certainly help relieve stress. BDSM is often associated with scenes in sex magazines where it’s useful to create sexual tension.

You will find numerous types of BDSM, whereby the intensity of pain also may differ. In some kinds of BDSM, the activities involve mild pain or none at all, while others involve serious pain. In cases where the submissive person is experiencing intense pain, they are the ones which have some degree of control over the amount of pain he or she will take. It is not as if the person is being forced to take the pain.

While intense kinds of BDSM involve actual pain, less severe forms involve bondage, light caning, spanking, verbal abuse, or humiliation. Whatever forms of activities are involved in BDSM, the role-play has to be safe, consensual and controlled.

Many people do not understand the BDSM community. The SM part of the acronym BDSM (Sadism and Masochism) describes activities that are regarded as unpleasant by many people. Obviously, men and women who don’t grasp what BDSM means, can be quick to associate BDSM participants as freaks and perverts, since the activities and the names imply abuse and violence. In addition to the obvious Bondage and Discipline part of it, which we will come to later. Steps have been taken to give a more positive meaning to BDSM and this is how the acronym was arrived at.

Many more people are doing BDSM today than before. The interesting truth is that you may already be involving BDSM as part of your sex life without knowing it. Unlike back in the day, when BDSM was viewed negatively, many people are starting to realise the positive aspects of this lifestyle. It is easy to attach evil or dark connotations to BDSM when you first encounter the practice on movies, videos or magazines, but as you learn that it is not what it seems to be, you will start to view it more positively.

BDSM has become cleverly included in commercials globally. You may have seen commercials where Jeans manufacturers manipulate a form of BDSM in their adverts. Even music may be based on BDSM, such as Justin Timberlake “Sexy Back”, and “Master and Servant” Depeche Mode in addition to numerous others. BDSM crops up in every day life if you look for it.

As BDSM is becoming a lot more popular, companies are offering new products in this niche. The likes of Ann Summers now sell lots of BDSM equipment and clothes. Products are available for both the dominant and submissive role-plays. If you undertake some window-shopping in one of these brilliant shops, you will discover an assortment of whips, canes, leather clothing, guide books, and many other items. Additionally, you will find novelty products like blindfolds, handcuffs, and light chains. The shops are stocked to the brim during Christmas, and Valentines.

BDSM has been practised for quite some time but the most prominent advocate of BDSM lived in the 18th century. Should you study the history of BDSM, you will know that nothing has changed really except the name and popularity of this practice. Nobody knows how BDSM started. The French author, Marquis De Sade was known to be a passionate sexual sadist. Marquis has written many books about BDSM, although not much is well know about his acts. The most crucial element omitted from Marquis Publications is the need for consent in all BDSM activities. Consent is necessary from the submissive role players to get familiar with the act. Modern BDSM emphasizes the need for consent from both parties to obtain pleasure from one another through bondage or dominance.

Therefore, it is no coincidence that the word Sadist is derived from the name of the French author, Sade. Masochism is another term that is part of the BDSM acronym. This term is credited to the author of Venus In Furs, Sacher-Masoch.

An important feature of BDSM is role-playing. It has been described how people obtain pleasure from Dominance and Submission. People will also obtain pleasure from bondage. Numerous factors come into play during role-playing. A participant will experience of all kinds of physical sensations which might be triggered by erotic stimuli, emotions and psychological aspects which could bring stress relief. The Sadism Masochism section of BDSM (SM) involves the dominatrix playing as the Sadist, administering pain and humiliation, while the Submissive plays the Masochist, who receives the pain and humiliation.

BDSM activities where people role play are often held at private clubs or at fetish clubs like the Torture Garden Fetish Club in London. Groups of people can engage in these activities. Many people experience a sense of freedom or liberty while they are in bondage. This freedom relates to their day to day life, and their ability to take responsibilities and make decisions. You will find BDSM scenes that involve people who are powerful businessmen in real life, playing the role of a submissive. Although it is only for a short time, they learn something about being in a position of weakness. They will thus be able to relate better to their employees.

Imagine yourself being the Dominatrix in this role-play. In the real world, a businessman who runs a company and is totally anxious, and stressed, being the dominant person at the office may result in him being a submissive in a BDSM scene since the dominant one takes away the power which he has in real life. She becomes the boss, and treats him like an underdog (possibly similar to how he treats his employees). She takes on the power, so he submits his manhood, his dominant personality to her as he does not have to take responsibility for anything in the scene and the roles are reversed. You can be dominant in other areas of your business apart from with your employees. As an example, you can be dominant over your competitors.

Some people are just not capable of being dominant role in real life, and this may lead to stress if you are in a position that requires you to be dominant. When you are not dominant, you will lose control and power, and this may translate into low self-esteem and financial loss for your business.

BDSM is a form of therapy that can be applied to your business. People who are submissives in real life may want to learn how to be dominant. BDSM offers the perfect environment for your fantasies. Besides helping you to be successful in business, it will also help you to relieve stress by participating in a scene can be viewed as “playing”. In BDSM, you have your sphere of influence where you can exert control. It can also be a helpful therapy to businessmen who are looking for an emotional outlet. Instead of releasing negative energy against your employees or competitors, BDSM will provide a healthy channel for your pent up energy.

It has been discovered that the human body releases pleasure chemicals called Endorphins into the bloodstream during periods of pleasure, such as sex, when eating chocolate and during painful/intensely emotional or highly excitable scenes. So if enjoying BDSM releases Endorphins, it’s inevitable that it can be found to be useful as a stress reliever.

Kate J Ashley
http://www.freepersonals4u.com
http://www.0844Dating.com

Author: Kate J Ashley
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Pressure cooker

First of all: what is a culture? There are of course various definitions, but personally I like to use the one given by anthropologist Ruth Benedict (which is the more or less generally accepted one in the scientific community): “culture is a more or less consistant pattern of thought and action with a characteristic purpose that pervades the forms of behavior and institutions of a society.” Hence, a culture is defined by a set of patterns.

Are “we” a “culture” (as in a religious culture, a national culture for example)? If culture is defined as being that total and all-embracing the answer to that question is NO, unless of course you would argue that BDSM-views and opinions have any specific relevance to and influence on social structures, general behavior patterns or institutions (which I personally consider quite unlikely). However, if you take the definition but add the words “limited” and “some”, the answer is: yes, we are.

The opposite of the above definition, by the way, is true for the BDSM-community: i.e., the world around us (society) has a direct influence on us (general perceptions, legislation, prejudice, political and religious views, to only name a few) and not in the way they have as a general factor in everyone’s life, but directly in (and as a result of) the ideals the community as well as individuals within that community strive(s) and stand(s) for.
There are other methods to find out whether or not BDSM is a culture. One of them is to try and establish if there are concepts, views and behavior patterns within a “group” that seem to be more or less generally accepted and are at the root of the group behavior (chaos-theory).

Behavior patterns

Thus the question is: are there such concepts, views and behavior patterns?
The answer here – in my view – is yes, there are: there is a more or less generally accepted lingo (that at least is generally recognized), there are concepts (voluntary, imformed consentual, safe and sane for example, negotiation for example, safewords for example). We may not be to good at exactly describing them, but there are norms and values: in general the community has a pretty good general idea about what is acceptable behavior in the group and what is not. In the same way there are (again not specifically written down) certain more or less generally accepted ethics.

And next to that there even is a more or less “creative process” based on the group’s ideas (design, clothing, art, photography, writing and more) that usually is recognized as “belonging to or within the group”.

Finally, do we have specific and more or less general behavior patterns? The answer again is yes. Coming out for example, finding information, communication and even some negative ones, like taking things personal and concentrating on personal ideas and interpretations as opposed to more general ones.

So, this method also seems to proof there at least is something indicating a culture, albeit not a very well studied and described one (but then again many cultures are not very well, or not at all described, such as many tribal cultures and the entire Maya culture for example).

Is all this enough to claim “we” are/have a culture. With sufficient modesty to say that we will probably not make a difference in changing the world’s general ethics my answer to that question is yes.

Are we a sub-culture? A sub-culture is a derivate from something else. Personally, I can not see where we are a derivate of something else, so no, I wouldn’t say we are a subculture. And this is where I think we first meet some arguments of the “outside world” that tries to narrow BDSM down to a form of sexual behavior (and to many preferably a sexual deviation). Why would the outside world do that? The answer in my mind is obvious: fear. Sexuality in many (especially Western) societies is something that has always been looked at with double standards. Religions for example (and they have a traditionally strong influence on sexual behavior) have a very double standard here. On one end for example they praise the phenomena of life and giving birth, while at the same time they will condemn women the moment they show physical signs of their ability to give life (like menstruation, pregnancy and such) and call them impure. They will endorse big families with many children but at the same time condemn the act that is at the very root of reproduction.

Fear on one end and narrow minded political views about controlling people’s lives on the other are what brings about this element of fear and hence the well-known rhethorical trick of creating a “common enemy” (the evil). “We” are “an evil” in that sense and this evil is described in very simple, one dimensional straight forward terms that usually have little to do with the truth. Which is only one reason to stay away from a purely sexual/psychological approach and try to put things in a somewhat broader perspective.

What is this culture made of?

So, if we are a culture, what is that culture made off? That is where it becomes very hard. There is little research to rely on or find answers in and unfortunately any debate about trying to describe the culture will almost automatically turn into a debate about personal preferences. The reasons for this happening are actually quite simple. Most of “us” live in a very narrow, closed environment when it comes to BDSM (which is not a negative connotation but merely an observation and in itself a direct result of the general social stigmatism and prejudice) and as a result many people only have their personal ideas and feelings to go by, while on the other hand the subject itself directly hits home with almost all of us and brings out – understandable – fierce and intense emotions.

The Internet – even though a blessing in some ways – is not exactly helpful either, since the “net-community” seems to go through exactly the same growing pains the “real life community” (at least in Europe) has gone through some 15 to 20 years ago. Hence, for the moment on the Internet history is only repeating itself, which is not bad as such, since it helps the vast numbers of newcomers, but is of little or no help when it comes to try and debate, research more abstract issues like this one.

Different cultures

As for example Weinberg and Falk (“Studies in Sadomasochism”, 1983) conclude, there is very little methodical and theoretical research from the sociological field available when it comes to BDSM. If any work has been done in this area, most of that is journalistic research and not scientific. Still, one fact is generally accepted in the scientific field (and in other areas): there are huge differences between the gay/lesbian and heterosexual BDSM-cultures.

Coming out (which to gay/lesbians is a “second coming out”) for one thing is totally different, primerily because coming out as a concept is alien to the heterosexual world since it has never been a real issue. Hence there is little experience with the phenomena and whereas coming out is recognized as probably the most important stage in the life of a homosexual (and treated and respected as such), in the heterosexual world it is predominantly still ignored or undervalued.

Other main differences are in the social behavior patterns. Especially gay men – within their community – are not only more open to different forms of sexuality, it is also very common to act out preferences in a more or less public environment such as gay bars and meeting places. Try acting out your heterosexual BDSM preferences in a public bar or in the local community center and you’ll have huge problems.
Also, there is a much more integrated process of accepting different preferences within the gay/lesbian community and hence there is a lot more openess and willingness to investigate, whether for personal use or just for better understanding. So yes, there ARE at least two different BDSM-cultures with their own patterns, behavior and general dynamics.

BDSM influence in other social areas

To ascertain if BDSM as such is a culture one method is to identify if the phenomena as such has any inlfuence in other social areas. This is an incomplete list of such influences.

* BDSM has a (sometimes even quite substantial) influence in areas like fashion, pop music, movie industry and art. In European countries it even has an influence on advertizing.

* BDSM has its own literature, art and fashion.

* BDSM has its own media (print and Internet)

* BDSM has its own places for gatherings (clubs, the above facilities, groups, gatherings, munches)

* BDSM has its own organisations (local, national and some – like the NLA – even internationally)

* BDSM has its own lingo, different form others, some of which influences other areas

* BDSM has its own concepts, some of which have also been accepted in or adopted by other areas

* BDSM is an economical factor, in the forms of products like videos, toys, gear, more or less dedicated shops, media and art galleries, clothing and such and – wether we like it or not – prostitution.

* BDSM is scientifically recognized as a phenomena of its own.

* BDSM is the subject of research in different scientific areas (psychology, psychiatry, sociology).

* BDSM is condemned by other groups, including some very influential ones.

* BDSM has lead to specific legislation to try an ban it in various countries and regions.

* BDSM is the subject of political debates and decisionmaking.

Different cultures within the community

Are there different cultures within hetero BDSM? I tend to think there are at least two: Maledom/femsub and Femdom/malesub. First of all, of course they have a lot in common. Probably eighty to ninety percent of their basic cultural patterns are exactly the same (albeit maybe slightly different in their format and presentation). However, there are a few basic differences that in my opinion make them different (mind you, I am not advocating one is better than the other, just different). So where are these differences?

First of all there is a difference in social acceptance. For example, the more or less general assumption is that men can take better care of themselves when it comes to security risks. Hence, a submissive male is generally seen as “less vulnerable” when compared to female submissives. To a certain extent that is true. Male sexuality in general is more open and men are much more used to share their sexual experiences and thoughts with others than women. Men are – more than women and again generally speaking – more used to things like masturbating, exploring their sex organ and the sex organs of others and are more likely to talk about this to others and experiment. Hence they have an advantage when it comes to taking risks and coping with vulnerability. This, by the way, should not be taken as a statement that the male submissive actually is or feels less vulnerable, because this is probably not true.

Another main difference is in the difference in sexual experience. The male experience simply is a more physical one, whereas the female experience is much more mental. This brings about differences in attitude, play forms, safety issues and interaction as well as a couple of cultural differences such as the fact that female submissives are much more receptive – and have a different attitude towards – fantasy.

Female submissives have other cultural differences, such as the conflict of roles (mother, career person, central function in the household/relationship and submissive) which is much more dominant to them then it is to male submissives (and usually much more of a problem). And to many there is the female (social) masochism and role-stereotyping in general (that is not good, but still very much “there”).

By the way, here a nice example of similarities as well since this is something the lesbian world also has substantial problems with.

Male dominants – as opposed to their female counterparts – also have many differences, such as their own role conflicts (men aren’t supposed to beat women and are brought up that way – in many cultures men still aren’t supposed to show their softer sides, hence many have never learned how to do that). And, simply because the subs are different, the dominants are different.

There probably is a long list of other differences, one that should for example be considered is the fact that as a result of the widespread commercialization of the Femdom world, it is a lot easier for male subs to at least find a format to live out their fantasies than it is for female subs.

Is it functional to recognize such differences? I think it is. Not in an effort to conveniently cut up the cake in very tiny pieces in order to find sufficent similarities to determine one specific group, but in an effort to try and identify the differences and address them. Like brothers and sisters are part of the same family, they have their own specifics wants, needs, dynamics and interactions and understanding each other better starts with identifying and understanding the specifics of the other, identifying where differences and where similarities are. Just as it often is very counterproductive to address certain problems by only using either male or female logic (ultimately the combination of both is what usually produces result) it is not very productive to try and push everyone “into the same corset” when it comes to defining cultures. Understanding that there are similarities AND differences is what will eventually establish a better understanding of the entire group.

General significance

Finally, does all this have a relevance when it comes to educating and informing the outside world? Again my opinion here is a positive one. Why? Because the outside world is constantly mixing up different aspects of the different cultures, which does not help the debate nor the education. For example, whenever I am asked to participate in a television program, talkshow, do an interview or whatever on BDSM my first question for the journalist/producer will be “what BDSM?” That usually – apart from it being a very effective way to delay the entire production for a considerable period – leads to a fundamental discussion during the production phase about what the show/interview/documentary is supposed to achieve. That will automatically – usually – lead to a better understanding by the journalist(s)/producer(s) involved and will improve the quality of the end product as well as well the quality of future products by the same producer/journalist. I will do exactly the same when preparing a presentation in any other format and – for example when it comes to informing law enforcement people – one simply has to identify and explain the different cultures because the officier involved will have to be able to judge individual situations in real life and a gay scene is something that is usually totally different from a hetero scene in the first place (not to mention the cases where a male is in fact an abuse victim).

Bottom line: if we want to inform and educate others (which is I think what most of us – latent or not – want or would like to see happen) the first question to ask is: what do we want to inform and educate them about?

Former Dutch journalist Hans Meijer is currently chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing quality information about alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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The Question

“I am looking for information that might cover the troubles that crop up in a relationship, particularly in a marriage, when one partner reveals his/her tendencies towards BDSM. I am the vanilla spouse of a man who believes he is dominant. We have been married eight years, and until about two years ago, I had no clue he had such interests. We have done some experimentation since he “came out,” but I do not find any of it appealing at all. It’s possible that the circumstances of some of our encounters turned me off to it all, but trust me, the turn off is permanent.

I have read a ton of information on this issue, have read stories, have talked to both dom(me)s and subs, have talked with my husband, etc. I’m one of those poor dull saps who just doesn’t get it.

My husband and I have reached a point in our marriage where he has decided that he needs to shelve his BD notions. About a week ago, the issue was whether I was the stronger pull or BD was the stronger pull. When I began talking about taking some time off from the marriage to give him a chance to sort out his feelings (it’s tough being married for eight years and realizing that you might not be picked), he said, adamantly, that he would put aside his feelings for BDSM and focus on the marriage.

It seems that our options are: he shelves his desires; I try to figure out a way to play with him (not going to happen); we negotiate a way for him to seek another “play” partner (this makes me whoozy because I understand the emotional involvement necessary and don’t think I can cope); we split up and he pursues his needs without the baggage of a vanilla spouse (not a terribly happy solution considering I love this little guy).

My question is, how likely is it that these feelings will surface in the future and cause him more conflict? We have discussed the possibility of his finding a sub and having a “no sex” relationship with her. But a number of things are a problem with that possibility. No. 1, I believe that erotic power exchange, whether it involves intercourse or not, is a form of sex (in other words, I am terminally monogamous). I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself. No. 2, he doesn’t want to “soil” the marriage with his needs (would rather divorce than soil it, I suspect). No. 3, he can’t find a partner.

Anyway, if you know of any resources, people, articles, books, organizations, angels, fairy godmothers, ANYONE or ANYTHING that might help me come up with some answers on this, I would be so grateful that I would — well, I don’t know what. I’m at a point where I’m struggling issues of trust, betrayal (of self and spouse), fear, etc. I looked through your listing of books and articles and didn’t see anything that looked even remotely helpful.

I apologize for the intimate and personal tone of this e-mail, but I am rather desperate. We are about to seek counseling (ug! but it’s necessary), but something tells me that I will find no answers there, that the focus will be on why he is the way he is. I AM grateful to have found your website. The listing of stages is MOST enlightening.”

My answer

Thank you for bringing up the question, because it is one many people have problems with. Let us start with saying that erotic power exchange emotions are not likely to disappear. Although science still has not determined exactly what determines our sexual preferences, it is becoming apparant that at least a substantial part of it is genetically encoded. Your husband is obviously facing a huge personal problem (and as a result so are you) that is not an easy nut to crack. Even though he may probably try to shelf his emotions for now, they are very likely to pop up again in the future and it is not unlikely they will become stronger, since he may try to shelf his emotions; the basic feelings and the fantasies will still be there. That brings a lot of strain in your relationship, no doubt.

There is very little or no literature on this. It boils down to incompatibality of partners (which is not uncommon – with or without erotic power exchange).

Having said this, the situation is probably not completely hopeless. We’ll get to that in a minute. First however another warning. You are very right in saying that erotic power exchange (even without “the act”) is a form of sexuality, hence there is indeed no erotic power exchange without sex. Having a play partner outside the relationship is a form many find to cope with problems like these. Does that work? Usually not. There are a couple of risks involved in such a set up:

* the erotic power exchange will bring out feelings and emotions between the two playing. Emotions that weren’t there before – at least not in a “live” situation. The play partners are very likely to bond, the non-playing spouse will feel left out and the other will be torn between two different people he (as in this case) shares his emotions with;

* “play without sex” is what many people will suggest to start with. You can take our word for it that some sort of “active sex” will evolve soon, since the tension built up in active play requires a release AND builds up sexual needs;

* since erotic power exchange to most people are very dear, personal and treasured emotions, sharing them with someone will automatically lead to a special bond that will grow and things that should not be in there will also slip in, even if the play partners sincerely do not want that to happen.

Hence, unless you find a commercial play partner (prostitute, which in this case is very unlikely because there are very little sub-prostitutes) you pay for playing but do do build up any “relationship” with, the risks of such a solution are huge. And you are right, you would have to agreee to all this too and cope with it.

Now, to the question, is this hopeless? Probably not. Without even knowing about exactly what has happened between the two of you so far it is likely things have started on the wrong foot and your husband is asking too much. Even without the specific dominant/submissive dynamics there are very little women that will not be attracted to “exciting” eroticism and sexuality (even though you may have to accept yourself and your desires first). Mind you, we are not going to throw the “you are submissive but you don’t know that yet” routine on you, because that is nonsense.

However, do try and envisage the following situation: you are blindfolded (with something soft like silk) and all he does is carress you, arouse you, kiss you all over, maybe tickle you a bit and undertakes every effort to seduce you. No whips, no ropes and cuffs, no heavy leather stuff, just a blindfold, maybe a glass of wine, candle light, soft music, comfort, enjoyment and MOST IMPORTANTLY, no stress. Just pure and simple enjoyment. Chances are you’d like that very much and this IS an erotic power exchange setting where you leave it to him to work his butt off to seduce you, while he will be the one that has the initiative and these are exactly the dynamics that we are really talking about.

Something like the above – and please take out the strain and the stress, forget about being called slave, calling him master or anything, forget about the fact that this is erotic power exchange, just enjoy – might be pure and simple joy and fun. There are a lot of other simple ways to bring out the same eroticism. For example, allow him to “order” you to cook a wonderful candlelight dinner for the two of you. That will probably make a nice entree to pure enjoyment too.

The examples above are simple and very erotic and intimate forms of role play without all the heavy stuff and they – or other ways – may bring about a wonderful way to experience what you yourself like and what not. Letting him pick your clothes for a change, you doing simple things to please him and he being receptive to that and responding to it, all of that is erotic power exchange and that may appeal to him as well as to you without the heavy stuff. The idea is to learn and play and BOTH try and experiment with FUN things, without the stress, the need, etcetera.

Will this go further? Who is to say. That totally depends on the two of you. But do try. It isn’t as scary as it seems as you can see (or at least it doesn’t have to be). It offers both of you a possibility to explore, for him to learn and understand that the trick (in any erotic power exchange setting) is subtlety and NOT the heavy stuff (most of what you see is pornography and has little to do with the things people do in their homes).

By all means do talk about this, communicate and exchange what both of you can and can not do. That goes for you too and should be respected.

Hans Meijer is a former Dutch journalist, now chairman of the Powerotics Foundation and the author of several e-books about erotic power exchange and other alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Most of the things about woman are not well known to men when it comes to activities in bedroom. This is because not all women will be so open to share their feelings with their male partners. Not all women have the same sex drive and this would vary from one woman to other woman but still there are certain things in sex that all woman agree upon.

It is highly recommended to encourage your female partner to talk about her wants so as to have a better sex life and this is proven scientifically too. Here are some of the tips that you can use to have a good sex life with your partner.

Woman love period sex

This is a general truth about woman but still there are some rules in this act. Partners in sex need to be clean and showered before this act of sex. A woman is bound to have a temporary vaginal dryness especially if your woman uses tampons. There are chances that you might experience a bit uncomfortable friction if she has used tampons just before sex. In such cases a lube would be more helpful. Though woman warm up quite quickly for sex, a dry sex could be painful to her and it is not advisable to straightly drive into her in such circumstances. In such cases, a period sex has more advantages derived from the hormones but there are some obstacles in this as well. Don’t ever drive straight into that of your woman until and unless you have some kind of vampire desires or fantasies as she is sure to knock you out of the way.

Woman never like never ending sex

There is no meaning in driving a never ending session. No woman would ever love such kind of love making session. A man should not feel great of a longer holding capability. There are love machines, but they are also made of rubber and plastic. But humans are not machines and that’s exactly a woman wants from you. Having an orgasm is always loved by a woman, but having two is sure a bonus for you. This of course does not require lengthy efforts to achieve an orgasm. Every woman has a limit and it should be understood from her feelings. Let her relax in your arms and then enjoy the smell of her hair as she relaxes. She will make you know if she wants more.

Woman don’t love fingering at times

Men should understand the structure of a vagina so that they can derive the maximum pleasure out of it and also induce considerable influence of sex on the woman. A vaginal entrance has more number of nerve endings that any region deep into it. Make use of this knowledge for a lovely sex session. The main objective is to drive her crazy, which requires sticking to these zones. Never move away from these zones, which form the outside regions of vagina, just inside of it and of course the G-spot. One should not be harsh in this activity. It demands gentleness. A woman would show her wish for a deeper penetration by pushing herself onto you. It could be uncomfortable for her to have a hand or half of it jamming her entrance point. It is always better to ask her if she requires more fingers. It is advisable to have clean fingers that have trimmed fingernails.

Explore new things

Woman love exploring newer things and would never intimate the same to their partners of sex. There are certain things that women are afraid of and those may include anal sex, anal fingering, bondage, fisting, sex in the outdoors and also role playing. There is nothing so difficult or hardcore associated with these activities. Every normal man and woman does this and get lovely results out of it. To make things easier, you may swap out a sexual to do list with her and understand what she would love to try. Make this a mutual activity and you would sure to come out with newer ideas in having sex and enhance your sexual life with your partner.

Women are horny in the morning

Generally morning times or those times when it is important to wake up can be good periods for having a lovely and memorable sex with your woman. Just try to push your erected sex organ between her thighs such that it brushes her vaginal lips. Now just keep rubbing her lovely vaginal lips with your erected organ and you would see that within short periods of time she would open it up and let you in. this is to make her aroused from a refreshing sound sleep before 8 am in the morning. Even having a oral sex can work out better, but it is highly enjoyable with a thigh trick as explained before. Use saliva or any other lubricating agent to moisten the penis before the act which would enhance the sexual arousement in your woman. A woman would feel so good to have her man inside her just after a good sleep. This activity of a morning sex needs to be done only if your partner of sex is keen in doing so as not all would love to have it. There are some tips that can be effectively used to encourage your female partner in having morning sex with you.

Every woman is different and so are her likes and dislikes and also her ideas of having sex with her partner. It is important to understand these ideas from her through ways of playing games with her like those of board games that have the ability to put out these ideas from one’s mind. They are also good to increase communication with your partner and thus help understand the ideas better. It should be understood that a good and better sex can only be achieved if things are put forward by both the partners openly and honestly.

This entry was posted on MenFront.com. MenFront.com is a Men’s Lifestyle Magazine featuring models, dating, fitness, gadgets, sports, music and more…

Author: Nuno Ribeiro
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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It’s not for nothing that the saying goes “men are from Mars and women from Venus”. It only emphasizes that both are different. The difference is also manifested in their sexual needs. For men mere intercourse can give immense pleasure, however, when it comes to women they need much more than plain old intercourse to satisfy them sexually. It is important to stimulate a woman’s mind and body well before you venture to touch her private parts. Women, unlike men, can have multiple orgasms in one sex session and you can help them get there with a fair amount of foreplay. To make a woman orgasm you need to trigger all her love buttons simultaneously. Do it, you will be pleasantly surprised to see the wilder side of her personality.

Here are 3 female orgasm secrets that will help you better understand your girl…

By now you are aware that women can have multiple orgasms in a single session. However, many men are simply ignorant of this fact. Some females can get orgasm by mere stimulation of their clitoris, while other need intercourse that involves lots of foreplay and flattering words. However, to be on the safer side, always make sure that you activate all her love buttons before you penetrate and help her reach orgasm.

Your penis size has got nothing to do with a woman’s orgasm. Not all females long for huge sized penis to experience sexual satisfaction. To help her reach orgasm all you need to do is to make sure that you have explored her body erotically and warmed her up sufficiently before you penetrate her. Also figure out the exact location of her g-spot. Stimulation of the g-spot with your fingers and penis will take her to the peaks of orgasm she’s never been before. It takes some time to understand a woman’s body as each individual is different.

Do not follow movies. Remember the women in adult films are professional actors. Always have sex in the sex position that your woman prefers. A sex position that gives her control over the depth and the momentum is more likely to bring her to orgasm than the impossible positions shown in porn films. Remember sex is all about giving pleasure to your lady love. So, know her likes and dislikes before you lead her to the bedroom.

There are many female orgasm secrets that you will eventually learn if you follow and respond to your woman’s body language while having sex.

Now listen carefully-

What you are about to discover something most men will never know when it comes to attracting women. This is one thing which is an absolute must know for every man out there. You are about to discover an ultimate secret weapon which will make women chase you around like crazy Even If You Are Bald, Fat Or Ugly!…..Trust me….You don’t want to miss this one. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page because it might be the most important message you ever read- Click Here

Author: Rahul Talwar
Article Source: EzineArticles.com

intimate young couple during foreplay in bed

Male orgasm, as in cards, never lets you know what hand you’ll be dealt next. “It’s all in the cards,” as they say, “until you lay down.” You know what I’m talking about. You stop panting after an orgasm, catch your breath a little bit, and your lover says, “Wow! What was that all about?”

“Geez, I don’t know.” You shake it off and try to remember before your orgasm. “It just came out of nowhere! The ends of my fingers are still tingling. It seemed like it would never end.” You shudder a little. “I’m still not sure it has, yet.”

There are face cards and there are numbered cards. Some male orgasms, I’d say qualify as a face card. The colors and design really stand out and you tend to put those guy sexual sensations in a category of their own.

As a writer, a student of male sexuality and an ordinary guy, I resist putting names and labels on something as dynamic, mysterious and fantastic as a guy’s orgasm. But let’s face it, our orgasms come in a variety pack and we can learn a lot about ourselves, our love making and our sexual growth if we just give a tad bid more attention to male sexual experience rather than “just getting one off.”

The Male Full Body Orgasm

This is the big kahuna of a guy orgasm. The male full body orgasm is most likely the model the dude above experienced. This is the kind you fall into rather than pump up to. She’s probably already come and you are enjoying the long ride of kissing, caressing and deep, slow thrusting that lasts long. You’re very relaxed, but incredibly aroused and surprisingly able to delay ejaculation. This is because you held back at the beginning of intercourse and your stimulation and focus wasn’t only on your penis. It was spread out. Now, it seems you can make love forever. And, you probably can.

This orgasm has an epicenter not necessary in your groin. It could be anywhere — your belly, your butt, your thighs. You won’t know till it comes. When the full body orgasm comes, it doesn’t seem to start with ejaculation, but a deep inner moan that increases in amplitude, and rolls like an earthquake reaching out to your extremities. It can begin to subside a bit, but don’t stop because there’s always more with this kind.

Male G-Spot Orgasm

The male G-spot orgasm is sometimes referred to as a prostate orgasm because your male G-spot is found in your prostate gland. If you slip a lubed finger into your rectum. You can feel the prostate as well as it’s wowing sensation. It’s just an inch or two in toward your front. Lots of guys use anal toys both in lovemaking and male masturbation to experience a male G-spot orgasm.

A male G-spot orgasm is spicy but deep like a rich red wine. For women, sexual experience is mostly inside, and we think of guy sex experience as only outside. With a G-spot orgasm, you experience that inside sensation that’s not entirely gained through penis stimulation. A nice benny to the G-spot orgasm is that they can easily be multiples which come and go like waves on a seashore.

Ejaculatory Orgasm

An ejaculatory orgasm is reliable. Men can summon up an ejaculatory orgasm from a few seconds to a matter of a few minutes. It’s the kind of orgasm that emanates either only from your penis or at most from your groin and not much beyond. Most of the pleasure you enjoy from an ejaculatory orgasm is from the gushing sensation you feel from the semen expelling from your penis. And the more the better.

Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm

Why would I not want to ejaculate? Because a non-ejaculatory orgasm allows you the privilege to orgasm, make love, masturbate or whatever else you like to do for as long as you want. Most guys experience a time period after ejaculation during which they really don’t feel much like sex. If you delay your ejaculation till later or till tomorrow, you enjoy non-ejaculatory orgasm.

The longer you make love, spread your focus, and relax your muscles, your orgasmic response will build. First you feel the fluttering in your belly or groin as you dangle on the edge of ejaculation, but you ease off and delay it, the sensations come more frequently and with greater intensity till you can say these are definitely orgasms — less intense, but orgasms. You play on the edge like a hawk on the wind till you decide you’ve had enough.

Contemplative Orgasm

You find yourself lost in orgasm in a place much bigger than you are. Contemplative orgasm is spiritual. You can’t define it so much by how it feels as you define it by where your focus is in the experience. If your focus is on something larger than a physical experience, and your desire to connect with someone outside of yourself, you’re edging into contemplative orgasm territory. Sadly, many of us bluntly divide our spiritual lives from sexual lives, but when you allow God to be present in your sexuality, you know that orgasm is undoubtedly spiritual.

Male Multiple Orgasm

Male multiple orgasms present themselves in almost all of the above experiences except possibly the ejaculatory orgasm. It’s like going to the dance. If you’re going to dance all the dances, then you’ll want to stay all night. Multiple orgasm isn’t likely to happen for you if you quit too soon. You’ve got to give it time, focus and allow yourself to fall into it. Like the dance, each one gets more fun.

Sean Christopher writes about sexuality and culture. Read his newest book Orgasmic Guy: Unleash the Hidden Truth. Sean’s books, articles, resources and his blog OG Talk: straight talk about male sexuality can be found by visiting http://www.orgasmicguy.com/

Author: Sean Christopher
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
How Electric Pressure Cookers Work

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #13? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Flesh – Her mind awash with the thought of fucking. The smell of his scent stirring her cunt, her skin alive and encased by lust.

Putting energy in – Play is energising, at its best; so when both of you are tired, sex or spanking can be a way to get away from it all, rejuvenate your emotional connection and stimulate body and brain with a flood of hormones and endorphines.

A Rude Awakening – In the depths of the night, I half wake to the feel of her cool skin wrapping itself around my back. Soft breasts pushing against my ribs and her groin moulding itself to my buttocks.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Shouldn’t – It always starts off so inconspicuously. Innocent, like the sort of teasing that might occur now and then between any other pair of friends who share a hint of attraction to each other.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Comfort – She’s so strong and yet, when we lie down together, she makes herself small and vulnerable for me. ”Hold me” she says in a tiny voice

See also: Pleasurists #73 and #74 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

Back Story
bodystocking blowjob
Bella Durmiente
Began my day
Bubbleland
Current events
Fiction: Growth
First Meetings…
Game On
“I want your cock in my mouth”
“Make Me”
Mauled at Noon
Monday Morning Flash – “Bathtime”
musing/not asking
Negotiations
Oh, What a Night
One Last Surprise
Over-Ruled?
Park ‘N Ride Me
Slut with Wine Bottle
Stardust
Satin Met a Laddie
Unravelled
Wednesday meeting with V

Kink & Fetish

BDSM Advice Series: Gags
Domme for a day
FetInRealLife #12 – DIY Flogger
First Memories
Impact
Last Night
New friends and intense, sweaty, loud orgasms
Out with the Old, in with the New
Sluts, Squirts and Swing Clubs
Steel
Submissive Skills: Hunt Slut
Trust
taking her as My girl, discovering the Dom within
“Welcome to SpankingCast, our spanking podcast”

Sex News, Interviews, Politics and Humor

Building Community for Sex-Positive Sexuality Professionals
Soaking — Marinating in the Cunt of Christ

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Gay Pride
Going Bareback
I Can’t
Ladies, what do your genitals say about you?
My Identity is Erased
More Bad Advice
My Rape Story
Read and you may learn…V-massage
Psychology of Rape Fantasy- An Overview
Support Survivors
Top 10 Good Things About A LDR
You Shur Got a Pretty Mouth

Total Power Exchange

Arguably, the ‘pinnacle’ of D/s relationships is a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship, where the submissive gives up all control to the Dominant. Total means just that. The Dominant controls every aspect of their lives from what they wear or eat, to where they go and who they see. There are many that claim to have this, but this Researcher has seen few real examples. It should be emphasised that this is only arguably the pinnacle of D/s relationships. The other side of the coin is that every D/s relationship is just as good no matter how much power is exchanged.

Some Terms

Before we go too much further, let’s define a few terms that exist within the D/s lifestyle:

• Dominant – The person who has been given some amount of control over the submissive. Other terms describing them are Dom and Domme.
• submissive – The person who gives some amount of control to the Dominant. Other terms describing them are sub, pet and slave.
• D/s – Dominance and submission. A power exchange relationship.
• Lifestyle – Generally those that practice D/s are part of ‘the lifestyle’. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a descriptive term.
• Vanilla – a non-D/s relationship.
• 24/7 – Living a D/s relationship 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To put it another way, you are always in a power exchange relationship.
• Scene – The best way to describe this is to think of a ‘scene’ from a movie. This is one interaction between a Dom and a sub. It doesn’t have to be sexual; all that is required is that a power exchange has taken place. Those not in a 24/7 relationship tend to have ‘scenes’ where the power exchange happens. Even those in 24/7 relationships can have scenes, where the exchange becomes deeper.
• Top – A person who Dominates for only a scene. If you think of it as a ‘one night stand’ in the D/s lifestyle you wouldn’t be quite correct, but it’s a good start. This doesn’t mean that the Top is a ‘Dominant’, just that the dominate for the one scene.
• bottom – A person who is submissive for only a scene. This does not mean the person is always a submissive, just that they are submissive for the scene. See ‘Top’.
• Switch – Someone who switches between the Dominant and submissive roles.
• Safewords – These are words that are used by either Dom or sub to slow down, or stop a scene. Having negotiated a safeword is very important. It means that if something is happening that makes either person uncomfortable, they can either back off a little, or stop.

A Few Myths

Let’s look at what a D/s relationship isn’t.

D/s Isn’t about Abuse

Though the point has already been made it’s important to emphasise that this article is about a consensual power exchange. Whatever happens to the sub, whatever demands are made of them, they have agreed to this. If they haven’t, if they never asked for this, or they don’t want this, then it’s an abusive relationship and is not the kind of relationship covered by this entry.

submissives Aren’t always Women

If your image of a submissive is a woman, no matter how she’s dressed, think again. There are a great number of male submissives out there.

submissives Aren’t Weak

If someone has to have someone else run their lives for them they must be weak, right? Wrong. Many submissives are quite powerful people outside their D/s relationship: lawyers, managers, business people, police, soldiers and so on. For some, being a submissive in the home, or merely in the bedroom, is a way of escaping from the normal pressures of being in charge.

D/s Isn’t about Kinky Sex

Sure, D/s couples often have kinky sex. Then again, vanilla couples often do too. What defines a D/s relationship has very little to do with the methods used, so much as the power exchange. A simple ‘no’ when a sub asks if they can have a drink can have as much ‘power’ as getting them to kneel.

Entering a D/s Relationship

When two people are about to enter a D/s relationship, the first step is negotiation. This is a period where no power exchange occurs, but is a discussion where the parameters of the relationship are discussed. How much power will the Dominant have over the submissive? What hard limits do both have; that is, to what activities are one or both opposed? What will be the safewords? What will be the period of the relationship?

Often after negotiation a contract is drawn up, setting out all of the parameters discussed. In this way there can be no misunderstandings.

Collars

In most Western marriages, the symbols of the marriage are the wedding rings worn by the happy couple. You can probably think of a collar meaning a similar thing to a wedding ring, although in a D/s relationship it’s more common for only the sub to wear a collar to show that they are owned by or bound to a Dom.

Collars come in all shapes and sizes, from a leather collar that is remarkably similar to that worn by pets, to elegant necklaces that could be worn at the classiest society ball. A collar is a symbol and is therefore as individual as the Dominant and submissive within the D/s relationship.

Why on Earth Would you Go through all This?

It seems a D/s relationship is an awful lot of work, doesn’t it? Negotiation, contracts, safewords before you even get to the relationship itself. Yes, it is a lot of work, but the rewards can be worth it.

At this point it should be noted that a D/s relationship is not for everyone. Most relationships, even vanilla ones, contain power exchanges. In some relationships one partner is always Dominant, in other relationships whoever is Dominant changes almost constantly. That, however, doesn’t mean that the whole relationship should become a D/s one. Some couples only practice D/s in the bedroom, others in the home, others all the time and some never.

Like all relationships, good communication is needed to keep a D/s relationship on track. The difference here, is that it is essential to the success of a D/s relationship. The basis of a D/s relationship is trust. This is not just the trust that neither partner will cheat, but the sort of deep trust where the partners will trust each other with their lives. For the submissive, they need to trust the Dominant with their physical and mental health; to trust that the Dominant will guide and protect them. For the Dominant this means trusting that the submissive is totally truthful with them, giving them all the information they need to make good decisions.

As the communication flows more freely and the trust grows, the entire relationship becomes deeper and more fulfilling. This also applies to a vanilla relationship, but there isn’t necessarily the same impetus to keep communication flowing.

Traps and Pitfalls

The submissive gives power to the Dominant. This means the submissive can open themselves to abuse. This risk can be lessened by keeping the following in mind. They’re not bad guidelines for vanilla relationships either:

• Don’t trust too easily. Trust is earned. Before giving someone power over you, make sure they can be trusted. Take time to learn about the person.
• Go slowly. Don’t be impatient for it all to happen at once. Take it in small steps.
• Be honest. Don’t say things just to please your partner. If you don’t like something, or are unsure, say so. By the same token, if you like it a lot, say so.
• If there is the smallest hint of abuse, back off. No matter how good your partner is in other areas, if they are abusive, leave. Sometimes we do hurt others by mistake, but if there is obvious abusive behaviour, either mental or physical, then leave.
• Remember that everyone is human, and thus can make mistakes. Don’t let a mistake ruin the relationship. Instead, talk about it openly, and try to learn something from it to help the relationship grow.

Do you believe your girlfriend or wife when she claims to have an orgasm?

How can you know for certain that she’s not faking?

Here are some surprising facts about female orgasm:

• * 70% of women have NEVER had an orgasm with a man.
• * 25% of men will get turned down by their own lovers over half the time. These men have women who think sex is a chore.
• * Nearly 50% of men have partners that will NEVER ask for sex (would you ask for something that doesn’t give you any pleasure?)
• * 92% of women will FAKE ORGASMS just to “get it over with”. It’s obvious that what most men are doing simply isn’t working.

If you have never given your partner an orgasm, and you don’t know how…

Lee Jenkins has created the Female Orgasm Black Book for men and women, but it is especially valuable for caring boyfriends and husbands who want a no-nonsense, step-by-step plan for bringing explosive sexual pleasures to their partners. You do want that, don’t you?

[callout title=Is She Just Faking It?]Most men don’t have a clue about what “signals” a woman can’t stop sending out… which… always reveal the honest truth.[/callout]The “Black Book” explains the female orgasm, A-to-Z, with sex tips, checklists and examples of “orgasm routines” you can use to bring your partner to an orgasm (or multiple orgasms).

• Here’s just a peak at the great information that Lee gives you in the Female Orgasm Black Book:
• * Why being a “pick up artist” doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be a “Stud” in bed!
• * How to re-ignite the white-hot passion of any long-term relationship!
• * The number one reason women can’t have orgasms…even if you’re using every trick in the book…and…what to do about it!
• * How to tell if she’s faking an orgasm on you and How to tell if she’s having a real orgasm!
• * A simple “shortcut” to knowing exactly how she likes to be touched! (This takes the guesswork out of foreplay)
• * How to create a setting in your home that will make her want to have sex!
• * The 10 best sex positions that will give her an orgasm
• * How to train your woman to be more orgasmic, and want sex more often!
• * The most common female orgasm problems…and what to do about it
• * 18 hidden signs that reveal if a woman is really “turned on”…or…if she’s just faking it! (most men don’t have a clue about what “signals” a woman can’t stop sending out…which…always reveal the honest truth).
• * How to make heart-pounding intimacy last forever!

One thing we didn’t like is that the Female Orgasm Black Book website is pretty “salesy” and “promotey”. But if you can get past some of the hype and see what the book is really about, then it’s well worth checking out.

Wait. Get more great dating tips and relationship advice at www.AskDanAndJennifer.com. Ask us your most pressing questions about Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex. Copyright 2007, http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com All rights reserved.

Author: Jennifer L. Hunt
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Provided by: Pressure cooker

Orgasm is an overpowering emotion sensed between your ears, not your legs. The brain is the only organ that can provide reactive feelings like intensive orgasm. Orgasm is the point at which all the tension is suddenly released in a series of involuntary muscular contractions that may be felt in the vagina, uterus, rectum… Male orgasm has duration of 3 to 5 seconds, female orgasms last a little longer, 5 to 8 seconds. To achieve orgasm, erection or ejaculation is not required; orgasm, erection and ejaculation are separate, independent functions. Orgasm is a psychological fact, an exclusively energetic process, a rush of intensely pleasurable sensations and emotions that needs only a healthy and functional brain.

When a woman is having an orgasm, parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off and as she climaxes, an area that governs emotional control is also heavily deactivated. During orgasm, the cortex, the part of the brain governing conscious action, is not activated, so to have an orgasm, women need to not be fearful or full of anxiety!

The pleasure of sex is a great gift we receive as a human being, but it needs to be created with intelligence, responsibility and careful planning. When both sides understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ they will be happier and the brain won’t be relaxed if you don’t practice safe sex! Your partner won’t be able to feel pleasures when she is worried about diseases or pregnancy!

Why orgasm is difficult for many women? About 15% to 20% of sex therapy cases involve women who have never had an orgasm, and there are probably many more who have not sought therapy. Many factors can influence a woman’s ability to have an orgasm. Physical, emotional, and social factors play a strong role in determining whether or not a woman experiences an orgasm. Physically, women usually need more stimulation than men to achieve an orgasm. The clitoris is the center of physical sexual arousal for most women. However, the clitoris is not located in a place that is particularly likely to be stimulated during vaginal intercourse, and it is difficult to get adequate stimulation from most positions. Practice and communication are important to find out what is most effective in leading to a woman’s orgasm, in addition, having a kind, caring, and experienced partner is certainly of benefit.

These days, every healthy woman should be able to have orgasm; furthermore, the majority of women are capable of multiple orgasms, if they wish to have them! What happens in a woman’s body during a climax is very like what happens in men’s body when they ejaculate. A feeling of increasing excitement, building up to a point where everything blows in a great blast of ecstasy. This orgasmic period is characterized by surges of contractions in the sex organs, occurring almost every 0.8 seconds. (Note that some women do experience orgasms without contractions.)

The major difference between male and female orgasm is, after the first climax, many women achieve orgasm again, often within a minute or two, but this is extremely rare in males, and only few young women can achieve multiple orgasm, because it has to be learned, and with the help of a skilled lover, most women can eventually achieve the capacity for multiple orgasms!

As you have your own taste in food, fashion, and sex, your lover has her own taste in what turns her on sexually. Unfortunately many women have a very vague notion of what turns them on sexually, or are only familiar with few things, and for this reason, men’s duty is to help woman to discover as many things as possible and use this information to increase the sexual pleasures.

But in fact, men can not give an orgasm like an aspirin tablet; they help women achieve one, if only they have the correct data to make right things. You have to spend time with yourself to discover what gives you pleasure, and share this info with your lover to make things happen. Working by yourself you can learn how to orgasm in new ways that will make it easier to accomplish with your lover. Two of the many ways for women to orgasm during intercourse are either via additional stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse, or finding a way to directly stimulate your g-spot. These techniques can take time and effort to be learned and practiced by your lover, but if you spend time investigating the possibilities by yourself you’ll be better prepared for success.

Most of the times, creating the same pleasures that they feel by themselves, is a problem to solve with their lover, and the only way is transferring the right data through a nice channel. Avoiding any criticism, any offensive approach is highly important, and being very careful is a must! You may use a method of telling him you want to show what you do in private when you are thinking about him? Most men love to watch while you do a show and tell. You can even ask him to help by giving you additional stimulation.

About orgasms

There are two major types of orgasms a women can have, clitoral and vaginal orgasms. When masturbating, women usually learn to orgasm using their clitoris. There is nothing wrong with that, but it leaves the world of vaginal orgasms virgin. Many women are unable to climax during intercourse, as they aren’t familiar enough with the stimulation to enjoy it to its fullest extent. And coitus, commonly known as vaginal sex, can be one of the clumsiest ways to stimulate a woman, if done without thought. While it does provide an atmosphere that can be highly arousing, emotionally satisfying and erotic, the degree of stimulation to the woman’s clitoral area is nothing compared to masturbation or cunnilingus, so manual stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse may be useful.

How to achieve orgasm during intercourse

The missionary position (with a full pelvic tilt): This position enables the penis to reach the g-spot, the part of the clitoris that extends into the upper side of the vaginal wall. Lie on your back, beneath your partner, and tilt your pelvis upward by putting one or more pillows beneath your buttocks, or ask your partner to rise up your buttocks with his hands.

The woman on top: This position allows the woman to adjust the position of her pelvis so she can better control the friction of the penis against her g-spot. This position also allows deep thrusting into the vagina, which can stimulate the cervix and trigger an orgasm, and will be much better with your partner sitting in the bed, his belly rubbing your clitoris!

Strengthen the grip: During intercourse, many women flex their pelvic floor muscles to give both partners greater pleasure. The stronger the muscles, the better you can contract your vagina and create greater friction against your partner’s penis, leading to more clitoral stimulation. Try squeezing down throughout intercourse.

Keep your legs together: You can create friction from the penis and lead to a clitoral orgasm. When your partner inserts his penis into your vagina, squeeze your legs closed and have him place his legs outside yours. Your partner can then squeeze your legs further closed with his thighs. It may help if he can shift his pelvis forward to cause pressure and friction on your clitoris.

In reality, orgasms are very individualistic things and there is no one correct pattern of sexual response. Whatever works, feels good, and makes you feel more alive is the most important. What if you can’t orgasm? Then you just can’t for the moment, and that’s no big deal. Sex isn’t about orgasm, it’s about pleasure, and it’s hard to experience pleasure when you’re trying to get past the finish line with little care for running the race. As people say – it isn’t if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game? Sex is a process, not a product!

Amy Guven is founder partner of Vitalinfocenter.com since 2000 and author of “Amy’s Tutorial – Reshape your Womanhood”. Containing all vital sex tips, techniques, pro methods including intensive orgasms, and being highly successful as a reference book, Amy’s Better Sex & Relationships Tutorial aims to help people have a better life and relationships worldwide.

Author: Amy Guven
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Provided by: How Electric Pressure Cookers Work

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #12? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Sometimes poly IS hard – The difficulties one faces in managing healthy interpersonal relationships, and the skills one employs in overcoming those difficulties, are the same whether you are monogamous or poly or something in between.

Artist and Model – I’m drawing her furiously along with everyone else in the class. I know her name is Janice because a long time ago we’d been acquaintances, then lovers for a night, and then I didn’t see or hear from her again.

His Boots – He’s my fix. I’m his addiction. Maybe we’re just each other’s junkies? I can never tell when i’m close enough to breathe him in I cease to care about anything else.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

I need a new highway….

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Nerds are NOT this season’s must-have accessory - Being a nerd doesn’t mean you grew up unpopular and tormented, that you have a high-paying job, that you like Star Trek, that you’re socially awkward, that you never exercise, that you run Linux on your computer, that you’re highly educated, that you have low self esteem, or that you have trouble getting dates.

See also: Pleasurists #71 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

31 orgasms, and that is just the foreplay
BDSM — Am I Abused?
Being Watched
Being a disappointment makes me feel like shit
Games I play with girls
“I want to be your whore”
Money in M/s
Scrabble the Jade Way
Sexualising ‘Sir’
Somehow

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Another Menage a Trois of Power
Confronting the bigots
porn, like sex work, defies easy generalisations
Thoughts on Owning my Butch Cock (Part 1)

Erotic Writing

A Dirty Girl with Needs
Blood Tint ~ Part 7
Dream on Part 2
His Birthday ~ Her Surprise!!
His Need part two
Hot and Wet
I Kissed a Girl…Deuxième Partie
It’s the simple things
It has been awhile…
Microfantasy Monday, week 72: the edge
Office Politics
Over the Weekend
sssgirls rock
Something Sexy. Confession #354
The Second Date
This photo…
The Haircut
Under 500: The Hungarian
Winner Takes All?
Wicked Wednesday: High Art

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Femme Crip Rant
Controlling Emotions
Consequences
Come on
Do You Suffer from Opportunistic Boyfriend Syndrome?
Eating Her Out
Essure to take off the Pressure
Hair
Letting Go
Life of a Sex Toy Addict
Naming the boy, Blue Balls
Transtastic: On Being Into Queer Women

We quickly added these registrations into the current registration que and processed them in.

It’s hard to think of the proper ‘Oops, My Bad” thing to say to someone who’s be waiting over a year to become a member of BondageRadio’s community site, so I’m looking for comments on this post.

What do you, the members, think would be an appropriate apology for these ‘New’ members?

Jarl Mezentius

Welcome to e[lust] – The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation – Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in Public – All the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire…

Dollar Store Domme – He definitely can’t elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I’m already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo? – Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in Suburbia – But pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing Abuse – I needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

15 minute phone sex
…And Orgasms On Demand
A Neighbor In Need #7
Afternoon Delight!
Casino
Desperation & Dominance
Dreams
Evening Home, Part 3
First Asleep Loses
Happy ending
I Got….
I am a keeper of secrets
I Got Fucked
I am Coming for You: A Letter to Scin
Late Night Satisfaction
Lolita’s Mother
Making M Squirt
Sir ~ intro
The Hatter
The Flash Fiction Friday FAQ!
Trussed
We fucked, they applauded
Where there is a libido, there is a way
Wicked Wednesday: Idyll

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

20 Reasons Why Sex Is Good
Defining Sex
Hurt me, Pet
I Was Raped
Playing Dumb
Red Flags of an Abusive Partner, Part 2
Restrictions and Satisfaction
Someone Else’s Shoes
Sex Isn’t Everything
The Art of Sensual Touching-Caressing for You and Your Partner
The STI You Haven’t Heard of: Molluscum contagiosum
The Suit
Vibrant Woman or Live Masturbation Sleeve
What I Don’t Need

Kink & Fetish

A Little Girl’s Need for Submission
Are You Done Yet?
A Reformatory Punishment
BDSM Advice Series: Floggers
Bruises
Determined to bind
His Slut
I Really Wasn’t In The Mood
Impact
Pain and Healing
Questions From DH About These Things We Do
Surrender
Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction?
Tiiu Ashcraft – Fetish Artist and Beauty
The Eroticism of Tattoos
The Competition
Wanting to want

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A History of Violence
Asshat of the Day Award
Awesome Mentoring Work and Upcoming Apprenticeship

Media & BDSM

Media coverage is extremely important when it comes to the image the world has about any group in society. It may even be decisive. And as for any other group, this is true for the erotic power exchange world as well. Since erotic power exchange is attracting more interest in society, it is only logical the phenomena gets increased media coverage. In addition, the current trend – especially in audiovisual media – to try and cover more eroticism in general contributes extra to this trend.

Journalists trying to cover the subject are faced with various difficulties and complications – the most important being the complexity of the subject as well as the difficulty to find people who feel comfortable with talking about their most intimate emotions in mass media. Next to that, to an outsider it is not easy to understand the cultural differences within the group and the subject takes up quite a bit of research and/or pre-production time as well as space or air time to cover it in a more serious way.

“The scene” does not exist

Despite what general opinion would like people to believe, there is no such thing as “an EPE (or BDSM) scene”. Instead there are different cultures, different sexual preferences and most of all individuals and couples practicing or just fantasizing about power dynamics in an erotic setting. One of the main difficulties is that – as a result of the very individual determination of sexual behavior in general and with that erotic power exchange – it is extremely hard, if not entirely impossible to find common denominators. Hence talking to one or two people will only sketch THEIR views. These may be significantly different from others and are most certainly not THE views or opinions.

First of all, there are very distinct differences in culture, based on sexual preference. Homosexual EPE is very different in many aspects from its heterosexual equivalent. Homosexual men are – in their EPE-emotions – very different from homosexual women and within the heterosexual world the first main difference should be made between the Maledom/femsub (dominant man/submissive woman) and the Femdom(me)/malesub (dominant woman/submissive man) cultures. When concentrating on the heterosexual “world” only, one of the major differences is the fact that the Femdom(me) culture is dominated by women, who have made a profession out of their nature; a phenomena that is almost non-existent in the Maledom/femsub culture (although there are professional submissive women and -albeit extremely few – professional dominant men).

Most of the literature available is about homosexual erotic power exchange, where power dynamics are different, the culture is much outward oriented and – although this a dangerous generalization – generally speaking, more rough. In addition, there are many technical differences between homosexual and heterosexual EPE. Another very important consideration is that sexuality between members of the same sex is entirely different from sexuality between members of the opposite sex. Beyond these major variances, there are many other heterosexual-specific concerns, such as the fact that a heterosexual couple will usually be confronted with having to raise children. It is, therefore, impossible to rely on available literature when it comes to form an undistorted opinion on heterosexual erotic power exchange.

The image of erotic power exchange is, to a large extent, generated by both pornography on one end and one-sided, dysfunction-oriented clinical and scientific research. Hence the picture the media paint – for understandable reasons – is a picture very few erotic power exchange people would recognize. One of the main reasons for this sullied view of EPE is the fact that it is difficult for media to get people to talk about their emotions. The majority of people interviewed – since they are usually the only ones available – are people who are commercially active in the erotic power exchange world – predominantly dominatrixes. These people usually and again understandable, have a one-sided image. Professional EPE-activity is a commercial enterprise with the aim to make profit, not to express the person’s own feelings towards a partner. Since the vast majority of EPE-professionals are dominatrixes, they will attract a very specific type of person, in particular submissive men. Very few of the clients a professional dominatrix has, have an active erotic power exchange relationship with their partner. And, the professionals interviewed have an entirely different agenda. Their motive is not to give unprejudiced information about their subject. Their first objective is to attract (more) clients and the immediate second motive is to make sure they stand out from their colleagues.

A picture based on alternate motives

Unfortunately, the EPE image is predominantly influenced by several elements all of which have ulterior motives. Non of them have had or currently have the objective to communicate unprejudiced information. Let’s make an interesting list of the four most influential factors on the image of erotic power exchange:

Science

The majority of scientific publications on the subject originate from the psychological/psychiatric field. None of these publications deals with the power exchange between healthy, well-adjusted people, capable to make safe, sane, consensual, well-informed and conscious decisions. Instead, all these publications deal with people seeking help (usually from the author) and have been written primarily to advocate either one specific opinion or one specific treatment by one specific therapist. Unfortunately, there is no broad, large scale research available on the phenomena of EPE. It is estimated that as much as 30 percent of the adult population has erotic power exchange fantasies and is (potentially) active in this area. The largest group that has ever been the subject of research is a group from approximately two hundred people from one country. This can hardly be called representative for the world-wide group, hence all conclusions should not be projected on the entire population. Unfortunately, this happens all too frequently.

Furthermore, much of the available scientific research available and quoted, is extremely outdated. This is especially true for politicians, legislators and lawyers in many countries, who will go back and cite research that is at least thirty or forty years old. Whereas no court or scientific body in the world would accept other (semi)medical data that old as a basis for judgment, when it comes to erotic power exchange this is still generally accepted.

Pornography and pseudo-experts

These two groups are mentioned in one header deliberately because pseudo-experts predominantly style themselves on the pictures painted by pornography, sometimes cleverly validating themselves and their views by misquoting scientists. Both pornography and pseudo-experts have only one objective: to sell as many books, articles, magazines or videos and CD’s as they possibly can. Erotic power exchange-related pornography is mainly sold to people who are NOT active in erotic power exchange. Much of what is sold is – unfortunately – quite often mistaken for information, especially by people who are new to the subject. The picture painted is not meant to give information, but instead, is meant to indulge fantasy. In these situations fantasy does not have to become reality, and when it comes to erotic power exchange, hardly ever does fully.

Media

Without making any judgments here, the media plays an important role in the image-building. Next to the difficulties sketched above – the fact that it is indeed extremely difficult to depict a clear image of EPE and the unintentional effect of dominatrixes – it is obvious that excess-oriented journalism does not help and, again, does not have the objective of communicating factual and independent information, but has the objective of selling copy as well as entertaining.

The “community” itself

Even though the various support groups put a lot of effort in trying to inform and educate, their efforts reflect the average lack of experience in mass communication as well as the variety of opinions that even the EPE community itself holds. None of the support groups, not even larger national groups like the USA National Leather Association, have any critical sway in the EPE community, compared to the number of people interested in the subject. This is again the result of both the variety of opinions held as well as the different cultures. Individual subgroups are only just finding out they have a different identity from other like-minded people. This is new and somewhat disturbing to many and it is difficult for groups as well as individuals to find and identify with a “new” identity.

These support groups are small. They do not have one-tenth of the budget, that scientists and especially pornography producers can use. There for it is a very uneven battle, trying to fight the misinformation with little more than a personal computer and a xerox-machine, when resources in the pornography industry are huge.

Finally, there are the well meant efforts of individuals, especially on the Internet, to try and build personal home pages that provide “information”. Such information is usually highly individual (and as such useful for identification purposes) and of little or no relevance for a more general informational approach.The bottom line is that the information/misinformation ratio is about 10:90. It is no wonder the image the outside world has is the wrong image; an image that has very little to do with the day-to-day practice of erotic power exchange.

Author Hans Meijer is the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing quality information about alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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After years of practical experience on my Master – husband and some research into the subject, I have developed my own way of using sensual touching / caressing. You may know your partner better then he or she may know themselves, you can develop your own unique way of touching / caressing the right spots on your partner, to reach that most relaxing, moaning and, for them, almost purring sensations to lose all thoughts of the day and be asleep in no time, or to stimulate and arose their sexual desires until your partner is extremely aroused that the slightest touch to his body excites him. You can arose your partner to the point that one type of caressing can have them ready to explode, while another type of caressing can prolong their / pleasure  into an evening of fantastic sex for both. This method is easy to learn and needs no special tools except your own hands. Using flat palms, finger tips and your finger nails in various ways is quite effective in creating the perfect effect for relaxation or arousal for you and your partner.

First step: Set the scene for the room.

Rather you are doing the caressing for relaxation or sexual arousal, set up the room to include your other senses. Stimulating sight, sound and scent can play a big part in the way you perform your technique. This step can be done before your partner gets home from a long day or you can do it together in a way you both are happy. This should be your first step, because after you perform the second step, you may not want to take the time to set the mood for the room before starting your scene.

Here are a few ideas for setting the room.

• Set the lighting to your comfort zone. One item I found most enjoyable was a simple humidifier. It not only created relaxing light changes but I could also add scented oils to the water. This one item could then be used for the comfort of two of your senses, sight and smell. By placing a little lavender oil (or your favorite relaxing scent) in the humidifier, works great.
• Set the temperature in the room where you are most comfortable.
• Your sense of smell, use scented candles, incense, potpourri, scented oils, which ever is your favorite relaxing or stimulating scent.
• Sound, your sense of hearing. Put on some of your favorite music or whatever sound you can relax too the best or arouses you the most. Soft music or sounds of nature I found most relaxing. For some of you no sound at all is very relaxing.
• Remember you are setting the scene that bests suits you and your partner for whichever reason you are performing the sensual touching/caressing.

Step Two: Getting you and your partner ready to relax.

Get comfortable before starting any scene with your partner, if one of you is uncomfortable with how things are set up, then the experience will not be as enjoyable. Find that comfort Zone, what works best for both of you? If you have been together as a couple long enough, then most likely you will know how to Find and Stay within Each Others Comfort Zone.

1. Experiment with different things you can do together to set the scene, and make it an easy part of your daily routine before bed, so that it not only feels relaxing, but it also looks and smells relaxing.
2. One idea that worked well for us, was taking an evening shower together. Besides having a clean body to caress afterwards, it gives both of you some good bonding time with an early start on the caressing by helping each other bathe. Speaking for myself, I found it most enjoyable, comfortable and arousing, bathing my husband in the shower. Being there with him and caressing his naked body with a soapy bath puff, was enjoyable for both of us. That is just one method to start the scene for you and your partner.
3. Clothing;  Clothing is optional, decide rather you want to wear some kind of comfortable clothing or no clothing at all, by this I mean wearing something that is not only comfortable, like boxer underwear or panties. If you are a bit on the bashful side about being totally naked, then a little clothing will keep you in your comfort zone. The less clothing the better, as you will want to have most of your partner’s body bare to perform your touching/caressing technique. For the best experience no clothing at all is recommended. But remember, if you are caressing your partner to relax him, if he usually wears something to sleep in, make sure to have the items ready for him or her to put on before the touching/caressing puts them to sleep. I found it quite difficult to put my husbands sleeping pants on after he fell asleep from the caressing.

Now that you have the room in the right setting, its time to pick your spot to perform the sensual touching/caressing. You can use the bed or the floor especially if you have soft carpeting. I prefer using the bed as it offers the best comfort, plus if your partner falls asleep; he is already in the bed.

For the purpose of explaining this technique lets say we are using the bed. After you get your partner lying on the bed, (you can start with either side first, facing up or down is optional) position yourself in a comfortable way, either sitting or laying down close to your partner. Closeness to your partner is part of the technique, so lay or sit as close to him or her as is comfortable and still giving you a good position to work your sensual magic. Your comfort is as important as your partners.

Practice using your hands for a very light and soft touch. Start with flat palms caressing very softly, as if you were rubbing an infants tummy. Let’s say your partner is lying on his of her belly. Starting at the shoulders begin to gently to caress across his back very softly with your palms, moving your hand across his back from one side to the other working your way down to the buttocks, the caress your way back up to his neck. Extend and spread your fingers and work your hand through his hair caressing his scalp, letting your fingers slide through his hair for several seconds. Then work you hand back down to his back, this time caressing lengthwise up and down his back, continuing along the legs, all the way to the feet and back up again. Repeat this step for several minutes to sensitize and stimulate your partner’s sense to touch. Than have him turn over and repeat the same technique across his chest, around his neck, working your way down his belly over the tops of his legs to the feet then back up again.

The fingertips can now be used excite your partners sensation even more. Using just the tips of your fingers begin moving them over his skin very softly tracing different designs in several directions across your partner’s body.

Example: Draw different sizes of the figure eight across his back.

That is just one example, you can also do circles, straight lines or run your fingers along the lines and curves of your partners back as if you were tracing out each individual muscle and curve of your partners body. This technique can be done on the back, chest, legs, arms and even the face, just about anywhere on your partner’s body you can run your fingers over. This type of caressing/touching will begin to heighten the senses even more then the flat of your palms, from the stimulation created over the surface of the skin. Changing the amount of the pressure of your touching/caressing from soft, medium to a bit harder will cause an increase the flow of blood to the surface of the skin, thus increasing the sensation of pleasure your partner receives. This technique not only feels wonderful, it is also fun to do, unless your partner happens to be ticklish, if so you may not get to the point of using your fingertips and fingernails, if your partner feels like he’s being tickled to death. Use the fingertip technique for several minutes then switch to the fingernails.

Using your fingernails softly trace up and down your partners back, then softly scratch from side to side across his back, then caress the scratches back down with the flat of your palms. Depending on what your partner likes will determine how hard or light you will be able to use your fingernails on his skin. This can be done on any part of your partner’s body that he feels comfortable letting you scratch with your fingernails. This technique will stimulate the blood flow even more increasing the sensation of pleasure for your partner. Do not be alarmed if you see light scratch marks, just remember to be cautious and not scratch so hard that you break the skin open which can cause bleeding. That can ruin the whole routine you have worked up too, unless your partner is into that type of pain/pleasure. Remember to follow each scratching session with the flat of your palms smoothing it back down, in this way it completes the sensation you are trying to achieve.

At this point, you are at a good position to choose to continue the caressing your partners body for the relaxation effect,  or move on to the next step which will arouse and stimulate you and your partner for some great sexual fun.

Step Three: Arousing your partner for a fantastic sexual experience.

Caressing your partner’s genital area is optional; this step depends entirely on the person and what they like. This step can and most times will be quite arousing for you and your partner. Use one or two fingers to gently trace around the edges of the genital area at first. Trace small circles or straight lines around the edge first, working your way closer to his sex, (I will refer this step as if performing the technique on a man, if doing this for the female partner, the fingers would be sliding in and out of the lips of her pussy) tracing circles around his balls then up around his cock as if you were drawing an outline of his cock in whatever position it happens to be in, without moving the cock..  Then caress away from the genital area moving back down the legs and up the side of the legs back to the belly and chest, all the way to the neck. This step will arouse your partner with anticipation for more and produce a hard cock or a moist pussy. After a minute or so caressing the legs and chest make your way back to the genital area, again tracing lines around the balls and cock only this time lightly, as soft as a feather let your fingers caress along the shaft of his cock, then down around each testicle before moving back up the cock again.

Now by this time you stimulate your partner into a more erotic frenzy for some sexual play. It all depends on how both of you feel and what goal you are attempting to achieve, relaxation from a hard day or some fantastic sexual bonding.

Review:

I prefer starting with my partner on his back first, but you can do either side first.

Start with a flat palms first caress working your hands over the full length of his body front and back, including running your fingers through his hair several times.

Work the flat palms in straight motions down his back across his buttocks all the way down his upper leg as far as you can reach comfortable, without have to change your position.

Shift your position if necessary to reach the lower parts of the legs and feet. But remember, your comfort while performing the touching/caressing is just as important as your partners, who is receiving the touching/caressing.

I would usually choose to caress the upper parts of his body well before shifting my position to reach the lower parts of his legs and feet.

Using just your fingertips, begin moving them over his skin very softly tracing different designs in several directions across your partner’s body.

Using your fingernails softly trace up and down your partners back, then softly scratch from side to side across his back, then caress the scratches back down with the flat palms.

Know matter who is the giver and who is the receiver, either way, it works great for both partners as a unique bonding method that will enhance your intimacy together. It will also add spice to your life while bringing you closer together. Massage oils or lotions are not necessary for this type of touching/caressing and so it is best to not use them as it is only light touching and not massaging. The oils and lotions can change the affect of what you are attempting to do.

This paper is a work in progress, thanks for enjoying it. Asha`di

Written by:
Asha`di
2007 ©