Bondage Radio

Media coverage is extremely important when it comes to the image the world has about any group in society. It may even be decisive. And as for any other group, this is true for the erotic power exchange world as well. Since erotic power exchange is attracting more interest in society, it is only logical the phenomena gets increased media coverage. In addition, the current trend – especially in audiovisual media – to try and cover more eroticism in general contributes extra to this trend.

Journalists trying to cover the subject are faced with various difficulties and complications – the most important being the complexity of the subject as well as the difficulty to find people who feel comfortable with talking about their most intimate emotions in mass media. Next to that, to an outsider it is not easy to understand the cultural differences within the group and the subject takes up quite a bit of research and/or pre-production time as well as space or air time to cover it in a more serious way.

“The scene” does not exist

Despite what general opinion would like people to believe, there is no such thing as “an EPE (or BDSM) scene”. Instead there are different cultures, different sexual preferences and most of all individuals and couples practicing or just fantasizing about power dynamics in an erotic setting. One of the main difficulties is that – as a result of the very individual determination of sexual behavior in general and with that erotic power exchange – it is extremely hard, if not entirely impossible to find common denominators. Hence talking to one or two people will only sketch THEIR views. These may be significantly different from others and are most certainly not THE views or opinions.

First of all, there are very distinct differences in culture, based on sexual preference. Homosexual EPE is very different in many aspects from its heterosexual equivalent. Homosexual men are – in their EPE-emotions – very different from homosexual women and within the heterosexual world the first main difference should be made between the Maledom/femsub (dominant man/submissive woman) and the Femdom(me)/malesub (dominant woman/submissive man) cultures. When concentrating on the heterosexual “world” only, one of the major differences is the fact that the Femdom(me) culture is dominated by women, who have made a profession out of their nature; a phenomena that is almost non-existent in the Maledom/femsub culture (although there are professional submissive women and -albeit extremely few – professional dominant men).

Most of the literature available is about homosexual erotic power exchange, where power dynamics are different, the culture is much outward oriented and – although this a dangerous generalization – generally speaking, more rough. In addition, there are many technical differences between homosexual and heterosexual EPE. Another very important consideration is that sexuality between members of the same sex is entirely different from sexuality between members of the opposite sex. Beyond these major variances, there are many other heterosexual-specific concerns, such as the fact that a heterosexual couple will usually be confronted with having to raise children. It is, therefore, impossible to rely on available literature when it comes to form an undistorted opinion on heterosexual erotic power exchange.

The image of erotic power exchange is, to a large extent, generated by both pornography on one end and one-sided, dysfunction-oriented clinical and scientific research. Hence the picture the media paint – for understandable reasons – is a picture very few erotic power exchange people would recognize. One of the main reasons for this sullied view of EPE is the fact that it is difficult for media to get people to talk about their emotions. The majority of people interviewed – since they are usually the only ones available – are people who are commercially active in the erotic power exchange world – predominantly dominatrixes. These people usually and again understandable, have a one-sided image. Professional EPE-activity is a commercial enterprise with the aim to make profit, not to express the person’s own feelings towards a partner. Since the vast majority of EPE-professionals are dominatrixes, they will attract a very specific type of person, in particular submissive men. Very few of the clients a professional dominatrix has, have an active erotic power exchange relationship with their partner. And, the professionals interviewed have an entirely different agenda. Their motive is not to give unprejudiced information about their subject. Their first objective is to attract (more) clients and the immediate second motive is to make sure they stand out from their colleagues.

A picture based on alternate motives

Unfortunately, the EPE image is predominantly influenced by several elements all of which have ulterior motives. Non of them have had or currently have the objective to communicate unprejudiced information. Let’s make an interesting list of the four most influential factors on the image of erotic power exchange:

Science

The majority of scientific publications on the subject originate from the psychological/psychiatric field. None of these publications deals with the power exchange between healthy, well-adjusted people, capable to make safe, sane, consensual, well-informed and conscious decisions. Instead, all these publications deal with people seeking help (usually from the author) and have been written primarily to advocate either one specific opinion or one specific treatment by one specific therapist. Unfortunately, there is no broad, large scale research available on the phenomena of EPE. It is estimated that as much as 30 percent of the adult population has erotic power exchange fantasies and is (potentially) active in this area. The largest group that has ever been the subject of research is a group from approximately two hundred people from one country. This can hardly be called representative for the world-wide group, hence all conclusions should not be projected on the entire population. Unfortunately, this happens all too frequently.

Furthermore, much of the available scientific research available and quoted, is extremely outdated. This is especially true for politicians, legislators and lawyers in many countries, who will go back and cite research that is at least thirty or forty years old. Whereas no court or scientific body in the world would accept other (semi)medical data that old as a basis for judgment, when it comes to erotic power exchange this is still generally accepted.

Pornography and pseudo-experts

These two groups are mentioned in one header deliberately because pseudo-experts predominantly style themselves on the pictures painted by pornography, sometimes cleverly validating themselves and their views by misquoting scientists. Both pornography and pseudo-experts have only one objective: to sell as many books, articles, magazines or videos and CD’s as they possibly can. Erotic power exchange-related pornography is mainly sold to people who are NOT active in erotic power exchange. Much of what is sold is – unfortunately – quite often mistaken for information, especially by people who are new to the subject. The picture painted is not meant to give information, but instead, is meant to indulge fantasy. In these situations fantasy does not have to become reality, and when it comes to erotic power exchange, hardly ever does fully.

Media

Without making any judgments here, the media plays an important role in the image-building. Next to the difficulties sketched above – the fact that it is indeed extremely difficult to depict a clear image of EPE and the unintentional effect of dominatrixes – it is obvious that excess-oriented journalism does not help and, again, does not have the objective of communicating factual and independent information, but has the objective of selling copy as well as entertaining.

The “community” itself

Even though the various support groups put a lot of effort in trying to inform and educate, their efforts reflect the average lack of experience in mass communication as well as the variety of opinions that even the EPE community itself holds. None of the support groups, not even larger national groups like the USA National Leather Association, have any critical sway in the EPE community, compared to the number of people interested in the subject. This is again the result of both the variety of opinions held as well as the different cultures. Individual subgroups are only just finding out they have a different identity from other like-minded people. This is new and somewhat disturbing to many and it is difficult for groups as well as individuals to find and identify with a “new” identity.

These support groups are small. They do not have one-tenth of the budget, that scientists and especially pornography producers can use. There for it is a very uneven battle, trying to fight the misinformation with little more than a personal computer and a xerox-machine, when resources in the pornography industry are huge.

Finally, there are the well meant efforts of individuals, especially on the Internet, to try and build personal home pages that provide “information”. Such information is usually highly individual (and as such useful for identification purposes) and of little or no relevance for a more general informational approach.The bottom line is that the information/misinformation ratio is about 10:90. It is no wonder the image the outside world has is the wrong image; an image that has very little to do with the day-to-day practice of erotic power exchange.

Author Hans Meijer is the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing quality information about alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
News of Solar Power and Alternative Engery

Erotic power exchange is any situation where partners, of their own free will and choice, actively and willfully incorporate the power element in their lovemaking (and usually for a great deal in their relationship). Erotic power exchange is best known as either BDSM, S&M, D/s or sadomasochism, but these terms are all too limited, incorrect and all too frequently confused with stereotypes and forms of mental illness, which is why we like to call it Erotic Power Exchange (EPE).

The Holistic Approach

Allow us to quickly explain our view and approach. Not in order to try and force you into any direction, but to explain where we are coming from, so you will have a better understanding about the way, this online educational facility has been set up.

Erotic power exchange is a situation that incorporates – or often even encloses – spirit, body and mind and as a result will have an effect on each of these three areas that, together, make up the human being. As a result, we try to approach each area of the art of erotic power exchange on each of these levels who – in order to create the wholeness of the human being – are equally important and all deserve their, individual, attention.
Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship. From little things like blindfolding her when making love to anything like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week servitude.

The shape and form it takes totally depends upon the fantasies, situation, preferences and boundaries of the partners involved. As long as it is informed consensual, safe, sane and voluntary it is called erotic power exchange. If any or all of these four elements are missing, it is called abuse.

Next, erotic power exchange requires a specific environment. Call it a biosphere, if you like. What it requires is a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity. Which does not mean the relationship necessarily has to be a long term one. Even within a one-night-stand or casual situation all these requirements must be there – albeit probably on a less intense level – to make things work.

People will often ask: what is wrong with straight sex? Why add things like power exchange. Well, there is nothing wrong with straight sex. But there are people – such as yourself – who want more out of their relationship. Maybe even more out of life. These are the people that will identify the power element, present in every relationship, and start to work with it, magnify it, play with it, explore and experiment. In every day life all of us have to deal with power. Your boss’ power or political power for example, but not all of us become bosses or politicians or even take an interest in management or politics. The same is true for power within the sexual/relational context. Some do, some don’t.

Giving away power to your partner can be an immense erotic sensation. Being tied up, relatively helpless and being launched by your partner into your own fantasies and dreams – some people call that sub space – can be thrilling, relaxing and revealing at the same time. Pain, tickling and all sorts of other impulses – when administered with care and skill – can pump up your endorphins, giving you the same sensation sports people will sometimes feel. On the other hand, the dominant partner will feel the adrenaline and serotonine flow freely through his or her body, giving them a very powerful feeling and very intense and caring emotion at the same time. No, the people that do it don’t need the power element to be able to have an orgasm or an interesting and rewarding relationship, but yes, they do need the power element to be present and used in their relationship.

An umbrella for lots of different things

Erotic power exchange is a very individual, personal experience. That is why it is very hard to describe what it is exactly. The only element all these people – and that includes you – have in common is the fact that – for their own individual reasons – they are fascinated by the power element in a sexual/relational context. What they do, how they do it and why may be completely different things.
Erotic power exchange is an umbrella argument. One couple may fill it in as tying her up in bed, another may be fascinated by the idea of a “strange” man walking into the bedroom capturing her and a third may have a relationship where he serves her in any aspect. Many others will look for the spiritual and personal growths, this may bring about. Others are in it for the kink. All of that is quite all right, as long as it feels good for you and it brings you what you are looking for.

Erotic power exchange is like golf: it is highly individual, you are the master of your own game and you are also your own referee.
It is entirely about what you want to do. You do not have to copy others. You do not even have to agree with what others do. It is your game, your thoughts, your emotions and your fantasies. It is what you and your (future) partner share. It is being able to explore the borders of your mind and imagination in a very safe environment.

To many people erotic power exchange is not just about sex, but a lifestyle. Most people that do it will recognize it as something very personal, something very much belonging to themselves. To many it is a way to express themselves.

A definition of Erotic Power Exchange

Probably the most dangerous thing to do is to try and come up with definitions of erotic power exchange. Usually this will lead to furious discussions. However, the POWERotics Internet discussion group (one of the largest in its kind) managed to agree on a definition that seems a workable one as well as one that a large group of (Maledom/femsub oriented) people can agree upon. This is the definition, agreed upon by this group, plus the relevant notes about it.

* Erotic power exchange is defined as: voluntary and informed consensual acts of power exchange between consenting adults.
* Voluntary is defined as: not having received or being promised any – financial or non-financial – incentive or reward in order to try and coerce or force any of the partners involved into actions they would not consent to without such reward or incentive; not otherwise being forced or coerced (either through physical, mental, economical or social force or overpowering) into actions any of the partners involved otherwise would not consent to, of the own free will of all partners involved.
* Informed consensual is defined as: partners involved – prior to the act – have chosen voluntary to enter into acts of erotic power exchange and all partners involved – to the best of their knowledge – have made a serious effort to establish all other partners involved have a reasonable level of understanding of both the activities, they consented to, as well as the potential consequences and risks of such activities.
* Adults are defined as: of legal age in their area or country. Should such legal age be under 18 years of age, adult is defined as 18 years of age or older.All of the above may sound a little over the top to you – and in fact, to a certain extent we agree. However, it IS the first ever attempt to come up with a definition that is workable and that, although probably a little bit too “legal” for those inside the community, makes perfectly clear where the lines are drawn between consensual erotic power exchange on one end and abuse or outright sick or criminal behavior on the other.

Stigma & Truth

There are all sorts of knockdowns on the subject of erotic power exchange around, all of them often used by legislators as well as others who oppose erotic power exchange. All of these are based on assumed psychological or psychiatric “knowledge” or “facts”. The fact of the matter is that none of these are actually true or proven. We have collected the most common ones around and compared them with the real facts.

“Once you start, you will want more and more”

This is what pseudo-experts will introduce as the “stepping stone theory”.

In other words, once you have tasted the effects of, for example, pain, you will want more and more of it and it will end in excessive behavior and addiction. In fact there is no “stepping stone theory” (the term originates from research into the causes of drug-addiction in the late 1960′s and by the way the theory didn’t work in that area either) as far as erotic power exchange is concerned.

Fact number two is this. Like almost anything about erotic power exchange, there is hardly any serious and published scientific research on this subject. Next, nearly all research commonly referred to as being about EPE has been research done in individual cases or extremely small groups. Any conclusions, based on such research, are not valid for the entire group for simple statistical and mathematical reasons only, if nothing else. Research has predominantly been done by psychiatrists and psychologists – into cases that almost all relate to direct questions for help or significant health-related problems. And the objective of almost all of these articles is to promote the therapy of that particular therapist. General sociological research in the area of erotic power exchange is rare and, if available, has been done predominantly in the gay community or with such small – and country or area specific – research groups that it is impossible to draw any general conclusions in a responsible way.

Fact number three is that the reality of erotic power exchange shows an entirely different picture. People who are into erotic power exchange will usually start to experiment with it and in this experimental phase will usually want to explore all possibilities. As time progresses their emotions will settle down, pieces of the puzzle will fall into place and their wants and needs – once explored and identified – will settle down to the level that usually corresponds with the fantasies people originally had.

“The need to go into power exchange always hides a traumatic experience”

This knockdown is based on Freud who, as we all know, tried to explore the relationship between all sorts of human behavior – not only the sexual behavior – and (early) childhood experiences. His method is called psycho-analysis and in modern psychology is considered outdated and largely irrelevant.
Although it is a fact that some people who are into erotic power exchange have a history of abuse or childhood trauma, a general connection has never been established. What may be true in individual cases most certainly is not true as a general argument. What research did establish is that there are no significant differences between the number of people with traumatic experiences in the erotic power exchange community than there are in any other group.

More recent research points to both genetic influences as well as to a creative and inquisitive mindset as factors that may be of influence to the development of erotic power exchange feelings and emotions. However, this research is far from finalized and in fact again is only limited to individual cases, like most of the scientific research done in this area.

Another – relatively new – area that may play a role is the influence of endorphins. Endorphins are hormones, natural opiates, produced by the body and commonly known as “emotion” amino acids. Different mixtures of different types of endorphins will create different emotions. Some of these mixtures are created as a result of fear, stress and pain. What role they play when it comes to the development of erotic power exchange emotions is yet unknown.

“The need for power exchange points to a stern upbringing”

Again a “semi-Freudian” misconception and based on one case of one man, researched and published about by Freud.

The fact of the matter is that most of the people who are into erotic power exchange have had a perfectly normal youth and upbringing and the majority come from families where sexuality was a subject that could be discussed freely and openly. Again there may be individual cases where people had a stern – or sometimes very religious – upbringing but whether or not there are any connections between upbringing and erotic power exchange emotions in general is yet to be determined and probably very unlikely as far as the development of the emotions as such is concerned.

“People into erotic power exchange can not find full sexual satisfaction in other ways”

This is an outright lie, based on research done in cases of excessive clinical sadism and masochism (i.e. the mental illnesses). It is true that the severe mental distortions usually described as sadism and masochism may (but not always do) show this type of behavior. Erotic power exchange, however, has nothing to do with mental distortions but with perfectly normal erotic/sexual behavior between perfectly normal, well-adjusted, responsible adults.

People into erotic power exchange will usually consider their feelings and emotions important and will identify erotic power exchange as a lifestyle, but that does not mean they have a compulsive need. The lack of compulsive behavior in fact is what separates erotic power exchange from clinical sadists and masochists.

In fact in many cases people will identify their erotic power exchange emotions as entirely different from sexual emotions or – for example – an orgasm.

“Dominant men are just male chauvinists”

The fact of the matter is that the majority of dominant men are very caring, loving and open minded people – as are most dominant women by the way. The position of the dominant in erotic power exchange by definition requires a lot of understanding, caring, trust and most of all a great interest in the wants and needs and emotions of the submissive partner. What to the outsider may seem a very strict, direct, powerful and maybe sometimes somewhat aggressive looking macho man in fact is only role play, using symbols and role behavior but underneath is almost always a very caring person.
The average submissive partner, when asked, will usually describe the dom as understanding – generally knowing more about his submissive partner than (s)he does (or did) him or herself – supportive, careful, loving and protective.

“Submissive women betray the movement for women’s rights”

Being submissive and allowing these emotions to come out is a very self-confident statement and decision as well as a difficult and scary process. Submissive women are usually very self aware and are making very conscious decisions about their submissiveness. They are anything but “doormats” and have – generally speaking – gone through a long process of identifying and accepting themselves as well as their submissive feelings and emotions.

Just as dominant erotic behavior is not an indication of general dominance, neither is submissiveness an indication that the (wo)men will display submissiveness in every day life. Usually they will be anything but submissive, although it is a fact that as long as submissive emotions have not settled down, submissive women especially sometimes may have trouble separating some of their submissive feelings from other things.
The argument itself originates from hard line feminist activists who – predominantly out of fear for unwanted influence – try to separate women from other opinions than the ones such activists have.

“People who are dominant in every day life are submissive in bed and vice versa”

Sexual/erotic behavior is usually not an indication for any other form of social behavior, neither are there any proven links between the two. Dominants can have both dominant as well as non-dominant positions in every day life and the same goes for submissive’s. A female executive can be submissive in the bedroom, a male nurse can be dominant. The above statement is a classic example of stereotyping, mainly based on pornography and stories from prostitutes who – through indicating they have “socially important or significant customers” – in fact try to market their profession and often use arguments like these in a rather naive effort to gain more social acceptance and respect for their trade.

“Erotic power exchange is dangerous”

There are all sorts of stories around about accidents, that happened during erotic power exchange sessions. The most “famous” one around is the story about the man who – after cuffing his wife to the bed – climbed the nearest cupboard in an effort to jump on her, broke both his legs, fell into the locked closet and the couple had to wait for two days before help arrived. This story – like many others – is around in almost all countries and – like nearly all others – is a tall story. Of course, anything one does without sufficient knowledge can be risky or even dangerous. The truth of the matter is that safe, sane, voluntary and informed consensual erotic power exchange is perfectly safe, provided people know what they are doing.

Early Recollection

The vast majority (over 50 percent) of the people actively nurturing erotic power exchange emotions recollect fantasies about power role play at an early age, prior to their 18th birthday. Just about half of this group (in other words 25 percent of all BDSM-people) recollects having such fantasies before the age of twelve – quite frequently as early as six or seven.

Research by the POWERotics Foundation shows women usually recollect erotic power exchange fantasies and emotions earlier than men on average. Recollections of fantasies and emotions before the age of 12 for example are more frequent (24%) in the female group (men 16%). Very recent recollections, after their 18th birthday, are more frequent in the male group: 22% as opposed to only 5% in the female group.

There are no real differences when it comes to the importance of personal fantasies. Between 40 and 45 percent of both groups indicate that it have been these fantasies that triggered their erotic power exchange emotions. The same goes for the influence of books and general media on the development of such emotions. Around 20 percent of both groups indicate this as a trigger. There are, however, big differences when it comes to the influence of the Internet. Almost twice as many young women (15% opposed to 8%) name the Internet as a trigger of their emotions, whereas almost twice as many young men (11% versus 6%) say they have been influenced by pornography. It is important to notice however that the influence of both the Internet and pornography are only of minor influence, when compared to other triggers such as private fantasies and general media.

Young women in general consider erotic power exchange of a greater importance in their lives than young men. 53% of the young women consider it to be either a very important or the most important thing in their lives, whereas 44% of the men consider it important but have other priorities as well. Slightly more young men (12%) than women (10%) see erotic power exchange as just a kick.

Hans Meijer is the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation that supports quality information about alternative lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
US Dollar credit card

Before you rush out to find your BDSM lifestyle partner, it is important to note that as always in dating, it is the ladies who get to pick and choose who their preferred partner is. For this reason, the male Doms or subs are required to woo the ladies in the hope of being selected as a partner. Below are some more tips to guide you when searching for your BDSM partner at various online and brick and mortar forums.

Ads in a Specialized Website/ Magazine

It is usually free for you to place an ad, but in most cases, men are required to pay in order to answer an ad. As a lady, you simply need to wait for a response to your ad, while a man may have to make initial contact. While it may also happen, it’s however not the norm for ladies to respond to ads.

Social Gathering in the Lifestyle

These gatherings take the form of munches where lifestyle members get to meet in non-threatening situations. Normally, no dress code is required and the gathering is aimed at enabling members to chat and exchange views about BDSM. Here, you are likely to find more Doms than subs, as well as more men than women.

Play Parties

Play parties are either private of public. Most public parties will be advertised on specialized websites or magazines where everyone is invited. However, public parties do not provide the intimate setting that most players prefer. What’s more, most players will attend these parties with their partners in tow. For privacy, many players prefer to go to the “invitation only” private parties, which most attend as a couple as well.

Chat Rooms

Many lifestyle members already take part in cyber play on online chat rooms. However, such forums are normally frequented by men and women who are not quite ready to get into the real stuff. As such, if you are searching for a partner on chat rooms, be prepared for some disappointments.

It is important to always keep an eye out for a possible Dom or sub, as you never know what secret fetish your librarian or even next door neighbor could be harboring. Be sure to always start your search with the simple aim of beginning a discussion between you and your prospective partner. Thereafter, you will have the opportunity to take things further with a partner with whom you share complementary interests.

Joan One is a freelance journalist and creative writer who immensely enjoys writing and researching into any topic under the Sun. She specializes in writing “green” eco-friendly topics aimed at enabling environmentally conscious readers to find simple ways to reduce their carbon footprint and help save our planet.

Author: Joan One
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Creditcard Currency Conversion Fee

In order to get a few – indeed quoted way too often – urban legends out of the way first: scientific research shows that the number of people with a traumatic (abuse) history within the erotic power exchange group is no different from any other group.

Since the same research (European as well as American) indicates that between 20 and 50 percent of population has an abuse history, one may safely say the same goes for EPE people, doms and sub alike.

One important thing to notice here is that first of all the term “abuse” is just as vague as “car-accident” and – without a proper definition of what is considered abuse in any particular case – is useless. Abuse – apart from the very obvious cases – is first of all very personal perception by the victim (which does NOT mean to say it is a lesser form of abuse – just that different people have different perceptions) and as such, as science and experts will readily admit, is one of the most difficult things to give a definition for in any more or less general format.

Another thing to remember here is that it is very important to make a distinct difference between different forms of abuse. Juvenal trauma can not be compared to spousal abuse, rape is different for men and women and the worst thing to do is throw everything on one big pile. Which is another reason why the term “abuse” is useless and empty, because it says very little (again not meaning to say that abuse isn’t bad).

And then there is the most difficult nut to crack in this area. I know I am very likely to get flamed here tremendously but I am going to do this anyway.

As some of you may know I have been involved in quite a few BDSM-related court cases and police investigations, either as consultant or expert witness and I have worked with several psychiatric departments of hospitals on the same issue. I am saying this so you understand where I’m coming from here.

First of all: there is a lot of research done, especially on the issue of erotic power exchange, sado-masochism and abuse. Much more than many of you seem to know. And much less stigmatized as many in the community seem to think. Especially in Europe some universities (Heidelberg and Trier in Germany, Arhus in Denmark and Utrecht in the Netherlands) have entire departments of the Psychology and Psychiatry faculties working on that and there is a lotof scientific material available if you take the trouble to look for it. Much of that is quite easily available actually, albeit not always in English.

Having said that, there is one pretty common theory among the researchers (taking a bit of time to get here, so bear with me).

Ever since Freud (but before that actually since Kraft-Ebing) the popular assumption was that submissives (masochists – yes, the damn terminology again) themselves more or less brought the abuse upon themselves by assuming the victim role naturally as a result of their inclination. That theory stood up for half a century and – unfortunately – is still often used.

In the meantime things have changed. One thing that has changed is that even American psychiatry these days makes a clear distinction between consentual adult sexual behavior (including erotic power exchange) and sadism/masochism. As far as MASOCHISTS (i.e. the ill people) are concerned, the Freud theory still stands and in the meantime is proven. However!!!!!!! There are not that many clinical masochists, just as there aren’t that many clinical sadists.

So where Freud and others thought everyone with a submissive inclination was a masochist, these days everybody with reasonable and up to date knowledge on the subject (except large parts of the epe-comminuty itself) for good reasons makes a distinct difference between sadism/masochism and dominance/submission and as you can see for very good reasons.

Clinical cases of both sadism and masochism are far beyond the scope of erotic power exchange, and that includes help and treatment. That is one reason why there are so many warnings NOT to play therapist in an epe-context. Since you all are amateurs in this are (and that includes professionals who take their profession into the bedroom), you are simply not qualified, if not for lack of professional distance most certainly for lack of knowledge and experience. If you “the healer” (deliberately being sarcastical here) happen to run into a clinical masochist all you do by letting her play out her masochsim is that you are rewarding the wrong behavior which will only make things worse. Exactly the same happens when you run into a clinical sadist. It is much like if you try to teach your dog not to be afraid of fireworks by taking him on your lap and stroking him. By doing that you are doing exactly the wrong thing: rewarding the wrong behavior, hence you will increase the fear instead of fighting it.

That is exactly what you do if start to play out masochistic fantasies with a clinical masochist. Like I said, masochists – although there are few – are likely to indeed “bring the abuse upon themselves”, either because they want to, or because they feel the need to be punished, or they are looking for what they think is a safe environment (knowing what abuse is and having been conditioned to live with it can feel safer than a normal life) or whatever other reason. There are many.

Submissives however is an entirely different case. They do NOT bring the abuse upon themselves but – and here is the more modern view – do something else that can be just as dangerous (although understandable). Someone who has been abused will almost always try to look for a reason, an explanation, something that satisfied the need of their brain for a logical explanation of what has happened. And that is where discussions about erotic power exchange and abuse come in. A more modern theory is that those who allready have a submissive inclination (which is quite likely to be genetically encoded to a large extend) tend to look for an explanation there. To many that makes the trauma bearable and can help them get over it or at least deal with it.

Although that is understandable, that again is a dangerous motivation, since it is the worng medicine (as in no medicine at all) for the wrong disease. Dealing with a trauma should ALWAYS be done outside an erotic power exchange environment and especially if it is sexual abuse should never be dealt with in a sexual context in the first place. Even if there is such a thing as a fight fire with fire theory (which in cases like these is very unlikely) that is still something people should NOT engage in on an amateur basis, no matter how caring, loving, supporting, understanding their partner may be. That partner can be extremely important but NOT in that area. Dealing with trauma – if someone can not do that herself (or himself) – always requires help by a professional. Not in the first place because of his/knowledge and skills, but because of the need for professional distance to start with.

Back to the subject: abuse is way to broad a term to just fool around with. No, there are no proven connections and yes, the community itself has a tendency to over-emphasize abuse and to seek for explanations that are not there, no matter how conveniant they may seem to be.

Which all doesn’t mean to say we should not try and fight abuse viqorously on a constant basis.

Author Hans Meijer (54) is a former Dutch journalist and currently the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing quality information about alternative lifestyles. He is the author of several books and has assisted law enforcement agencies, therapists and magistrates in BDSM-related cases.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Anti-angiogenic Food

Borne of the science fiction and fantasy fan scene, the subculture of Furry fandom is a thriving genre in the fetish world.

We’re not talking here of ‘plushies’, those who fetishise stuffed ‘plush’ animals like teddy bears. Nor are we referring to the Furries who enjoy a non-sexual devotion to cartoon animals from comic books and animated TV shows. Instead, we are looking at Furverts, the label given to people who sexualise their cartoon characters.

The Furvert scene emerged in the 1980s and, in the main, Furvert activity deals with creating or collecting illustrations of imaginary furry characters and/or role-playing in online sites like multi-user dungeons (MUD’s) and other interactive fan sites.

The crucial feature of furry fandom is the anthropomorphic nature of the characters. That is, fictional animals with human traits such as walking on two feet, talking and wearing clothes. If we imagine an eroticised version of Little Red Riding Hood, where the wolf walks and talks in a human fashion, and then move on from the vicarious into role-play and sexual activity, we are very close to understanding the enjoyment of the Furvert.

Some Furries scorn the adult material and activity, claiming that it gives Furry fandom a bad reputation. This is somewhat understandable given that much of the origin of a Furverts enjoyment is in material aimed at children.

However, that is to misunderstand the subculture. Whilst many furry fans are adults who enjoy themes that are considered unsuitable for children, Furvert activity is not about paedophile behaviour. To outsiders, the combination of childhood imagery and sexuality can be disturbing but Furverts have no interest in sex with children. It is about “grown up” childhood dreams and fantasies.

As well as engaging in cybersex, for the serious Furvert there are furry summer camps and conventions, where people interact with other Furverts in role, sometimes in homemade costumes known as fursuits. Interestingly, a very high percentage of the Furvert scene is comprised of gay men. Some consider this the case because one of the original convention organizers was a gay man who promoted it to the general gay community. But, there has long been an affinity between some gay men and Disney animated movies and characters. And it should also be noted that creative costuming and performing are more acceptable among men in the gay community than in the straight community.

Increasingly, Furverts are beginning to explore BDSM scenarios and BDSM fantasies, particularly pony play, where the anthropomorphic nature of furry fandom is contradicted to the extent that it is the human taking on animal traits. However, the use of bondage and other sado-masochistic behaviours in this more extreme fetish does not reflect the Furvert subculture in general. To your average Furvert the sexualised cartoon character is enough and, despite the media focus on the more extreme aspects of furry sexuality, the wealth of material reflecting this shows that not all Furverts are engaging in furry cybersex or running through the hills in their favourite Disney costume, regardless of the highly entertaining mental image that conjures up.

Claire Gaskin is a social researcher and co-founder of two successful dating sites: [http://www.fetish-mate.com] and http://www.music-mate.com

Author: Claire Gaskin
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Benefits of electric pressure cooker

A Pro-Domme, also called a Dominatrix or Mistress, is a professional who engages in BDSM activity with clients. These clients take on the submissive role (or “bottom”) during a session. Typical activities engaged in may include: dominance and submission (D/s), sadomasochism (S&M), fetish play, bondage, and discipline. While BDSM activities are highly charged both emotionally and sexually, sex is not included in the services of a Pro-Domme.

Many clients present themselves to a prospective Mistress in an unfavorable way, which results in them not being given that precious opportunity to serve. Sometimes clients can find a Pro-Domme who will session with them, only to discover that the so called “Dominatrix” is inexperienced or lacking in skills. As the saying goes, “a good Domme is hard to find.” This difficulty in finding a Mistress often occurs due to the submissive’s naivete or because he possesses a “Dive Bar Attitude.” However, by following six simple steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, it is highly unlikely that a prospective client will not be given an opportunity to serve a professional.

What is a “Dive Bar Attitude?”

Many prospective clients present themselves to a Pro-Domme inappropriately because they possess what I’ve termed a “Dive Bar Attitude.” When a person goes to a dive bar, they do so with certain expectations. They expect to be served. They expect to have their thirst quenched. They expect to get drunk without paying a lot of money. They expect that, other than their payment, they will not be required to provide anything to the proprietor. This is the WRONG ATTITUDE when approaching a Pro-Domme.

Think of approaching a prospective Mistress as having more in common with an outing to a new, fashionable club. There’s preliminary legwork that must be done to prepare (such as making a reservation, or learning what the dress code entails). The establishment wants a certain type of clientele because the club’s clientele is a reflection of the club. And because many people want to experience the club, the proprietor can be picky about who gets in. Once inside the club, the visitor’s main expectation is to simply experience the club. The goal is not cheap drunkenness. Instead, it’s to experience the whole ambiance of the club, to relish the very experience of it, and to enjoy drinks that are expertly prepared. It’s a premium experience that is being sought, and it’s not bargain priced.

Knowing this, how should a client tailor their approach to a prospective Mistress?
As a wise person once said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Pro-Dommes are approached by numerous prospective clients. Many of these men fall victim to the Mistress’ delete button. Because so many who approach us are time wasters who regard us as masturbation fodder, we have no choice but to discard the e-mails of those who exhibit insensitivity or lack of social awareness. If you properly introduce yourself in that first communication (presumably an e-mail), you will stand out from the crowd and you will please the Domme.

So, keeping in mind the exclusive nature of sessioning with the best Pro-Dommes, and knowing that you must make your very best impression in order to earn the opportunity to serve a Mistress, what protocol should a prospective submissive follow?

Step 1: Do Your Research

You most likely found the Mistress through her website, so read it! Read every word; don’t just perv on her pics. Her website is a reflection of who she is. It will tell you her interests, her likes and dislikes, and (most importantly) how she likes things done. It is basically a virtual version of herself. It is her domain. I repeat, read every word.

Step 2: Exhibit Self-Awareness & Honesty

Someone who is self-aware makes a good client. Know what you want, and know what you are capable of delivering. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. It may make a good fantasy to envision life as my 24-7 slave, a slave that will do everything I say without question. But please don’t waste my time with your fantasy unless you actually: 1) truly want that, and 2) can provide that. If you have a day job as an attorney or a CFO or an engineer, I don’t think you’re going to be giving that up anytime soon. Don’t waste my time with your masturbatory fantasy. Just keep it to yourself, please. What I would like to know is what you can truly offer me. If what you can offer is a client who would like to session with me every couple of weeks… perhaps because you enjoy bottoming watersports (feel free to insert your favorite fetish here) but don’t have a woman in your life who is into that, THEN SAY THAT! That type of communication shows self-awareness and, hey, it’s honest. Honesty makes a Mistress happy.

Step 3: Don’t Be Creepy

No, of course you’re not creepy, not in your regular life. You’re normal. You have a normal job, a normal family, normal friends, and normal hobbies and interests. Most likely, you probably even have a pretty normal sex life. Please don’t take this opportunity while communicating with a Pro-Domme to suddenly turn into a strange incarnation of yourself. Don’t be a troll, and please don’t harass the Mistress. Approach her as you would any business professional.

Step 4: Be Respectful

Address the Pro-Domme how she wants to be addressed. Some Mistresses want to be called Mistress or Goddess or another title. Other Mistresses prefer NOT to be addressed that way by strangers. If you have read the Mistress’ website completely, she most likely specified how she would like to be addressed.

Send a photo if the Mistress requested you do so, but don’t send graphically sexual photos. If she wants these, she will request them when she is ready for them.

Step 5: Begin Building a Connection

Don’t give empty compliments. Most Dominatrices have an extremely good bullshit meter. Do show her that you are interested in her specifically. What is it about her that attracted you? Begin to also share some personal information about yourself: a physical description, career, location, marital status, whether you have a car (that can be important when considering service submissives, especially). Also, be sure to include the times you are most often available for sessions and, of course, your contact information.

Step 6: Present Yourself Favorably

In your e-mail, put your best foot forward, but also be yourself- the most respectful version of yourself. Every Mistress will have personal preferences regarding the type of submissive with whom she most enjoys playing. You can’t be who you aren’t, so be who you are. Don’t grovel and don’t beg. This generally makes most Dominatrices want to vomit. Try approaching her as a man with respect for himself and respect for all women.

Conclusion

By following the above six steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, you will demonstrate to the Mistress that you are sincere, respectful, and would make an enjoyable, interesting submissive. You will find your success rate with the most desirable Pro-Dommes will increase. You will also find those first few sessions with your new Mistress will be even more enjoyable for both of you.

About The Author:

Isabella Benjamin is a professional Dominatrix living and working in New York City. As “Mrs. Benjamin,” her Pro-Domme persona, she specializes in fetish play, domestic discipline, and roleplay. Mrs. Benjamin is always accepting applications from sincere men and women who would like to indulge their fetishes or explore their submissive fantasies. For more information, please visit her site at http://www.mistressbenjamin.com

Copyright 2010 Isabella Benjamin; article may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without the written consent of the author. All rights reserved.

Author: Isabella Benjamin
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Canadian crossborder shopping

So you want to add something spicy in your bedroom activities? An easy and affordable way is bondage, and if you have been here for a while you probably already are thinking about police handcuffs. You’ve seen it in the movie, in the movie, right. People are playing with cuffs in lot of classical films so this is already some kind of cliche, but nevertheless it’s worth trying for yourself. If you’ve also seen some bdsm erotic video you should have mentioned many Masters and Mistresses using the leather handcuffs. Why is that? Bear in mind that metal handcuffs are not an instant sex booster, and it’s better to think it through before purchasing metal handcuffs.

Pros

They look really sexy and if you show them to your partner there will be no misunderstanding about your intensions. Metal handcuffs are extremely easy to handle and store and they will last forever.You probably could leave them as part of your inheritance. Now handcuffs are simply a must have for anyone who’s into BDSM or just kinky sex. You can argue, but it’s a symbol, not just a metal restraint.

Cons

Metal can hurt skin tissue or cut the blood circulation if you push the cuffs too hard and leave them locked tight. Check if handcuffs have double locking system and use. Cuffs, especially the ones used by police are made of high quality metal so loosing a key is a really bad idea. Waiting for a locksmith naked and bound is not the best way of spending Friday night. Always have a spare key stored in a secure, easy to reach place.

So…

I recommend using metal handcuffs for role-play and avoid using them in the sessions where the bound partner has to stay or move in inconvenient poses for a long time. Remember, safety is one of the main issues in any BDSM related activity.

Tips that will help you choose handcuffs.

Author: Johan Tyros
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Low-volume PCB maker

It is actually amazing to see people – outsiders especially – struggle with the phenomenum of BDSM (erotic power exchange if you like). It is, however, just as amazing to see that “the community” seems to forget about the obvious, when it comes to explaining what it is we do.

First this. There is a difference between “defending” and “explaining”. And that, in itself, is a power ritual.

When operating from the “defending” position the defender de facto places him/herself in the underdog position and, through the act of defending, the defender implicitely agrees that he/she is being attacked and – again implicitely – acknowledges that there is a reason for this attack, no matter how futile this reason may be.

Coming form the “explaining” (teaching or informing, if you like) position, he/she who explaines places him/herself in an entirely different position: as an equal in the power-situation or – especially in a teaching-situation – in an even more powerful position. Personally, I prefer the the explaining-position, when it comes to talking to outsiders about BDSM.

Back to the subject at hand.

BDSM is nothing but an explicit (magnified) form of power play between people. And not necessarily limited to the sexuality-issue. In fact, the sexual connotations are probably part of the power-instruments, partners/players have in a BDSM-situation. That is why it would be very helpful if any research on BDSM would be taken OUT of the sexuality corner and into the corner where it belongs: sociology and antropology – i.e. the sciences of the human behavior patterns and cultures.

BDSM doesn’t belong (or at best only partially belongs) in the field dominated by therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors.

Why, you might ask.

Power dynamics are as normal (and essential) to the human race as eating, drinking, breathing and sleeping. In other words: without it, the human race just doesn’t function the way it does. And neither does any society, human or animal. Just look at a society of monkeys, or lions, or elephants, or starfish and you’ll see power patterns. Patterns that are different from the human ones, but still power patterns. And these power patterns (next to such things as feeding and hunting) almost always apply to sexuality as well. Makes sense, since from an evolutionary point of view reproduction is priority number one. Keeping the species alive and in tact is even more important than breathing or feeding. Evolution doesn’t care if you die – as long as make sure you have taken care of your offspring, so the species continues to exist.

Reproduction = sexuality = inherent power dynamics!

Overpowering is natural (and genetically encoded) and in principle evolution again doesn’t care about moral, legislation and other norms and values. It just cares about reproduction and adaption. And – quite frankly it doesn’t matter who (male or female) takes the initiative – one partner will make sure he or she gets what he/she wants from an evolutionary point of view. Which is: mixing strong genes with other strong genes.

Since adaptation for any species is just as important as reproduction (reproduction in itself is useless if the species doesn’t adapt as well) norms and values are important and as a result will probably become an important part of the lovemaking/reproduction RITUAL. And ritual is the key word in any power driven situation. Ritual and conventions.

Here we go. Labourers and employers have their own rituals, when it comes to playing out the power dynamics between them – for example to gain better wages. Of course everyone knows that strikes will eventually lead to negociations and to an end-result. So if we know we’ll need to negociate sooner or later, what’s the use of a strike or a demonstration? Well, that is the power ritual. And that power ritual is part of the power-dynamics. Much like a mating ritual, actually. Fight first, become friends afterwards and find a solution. The ritual is needed to allow both sides to later explain they were the winner. To each other as well as to the ones they represent. And even more important: the entire powerplay was an effective method to show how much they CARE!

Similar power rituals exist in politics. They do not always seem to make sense, but at least you might argue that since they’ve been around for centuries, we (the human race) apparantly need them. And again the “we are showing we care” argument is just as important as the ritualistic behavior towards each other.

Similar principles apply in schools, or in economic competition, or in the workplace, or ….. well, you name it. There is hardly any area in a human life where there are no power dynamics involved, one way or another. So power dynamics are part of the way we (the human race) behave. Hence it is no surprise power dynamics will also play a role in the sexuality between partners. And they do – even in a non-BDSM context.

So power rituals in a sexual context are nothing new and nothing special. Showing you have power in many cases means: you care!

Hence sexual power play doesn’t belong in the “therapist corner”. You need to eat, otherwise you can’t have sex. That doesn’t turn food-science into an area for sexologists and therapists.
You need to work in order to stay alive (and actually your economical success has a huge influence on your ability to mate). That doen’t make economics the area area of psychologists.

In other words: power behavior is normal human behavior and power behavior in (or with) a sexual context is no different.

Next question: is magnifying the power dynamics in a sexual context any different from other power situations?

By designing a system where – and not only for pratical reasons – we elect people to represent our interests when it comes to shaping and controlling the general society, the human race implicitely acknowledges that politics is a profession (although many might argue they’re not) and that an explicit power system is useful. If not, why do we need elections and (probably more importantly) “winners”? Why do we need different ideologies when we could just as well design a system, based on the concept on what is needed and reasonable? One answer is that the human race again needs to be able to see these power struggles going on and as a result identify with the winner of the battle.

The economy simple does not work without competition, although it would probably make a lot more sense to simply share what we have and – as a planet – work together to preserve the planet and grow what we need.

Still, life doesn’t work that way. An important part of marketing is that people want to share the success (of a brand or a product) in order to be able to identify with it. Again we need winners – someone or something with a strong power appeal.

And then we’re not even talking about the appeal of sports!

Not everyone wants to be part of a “power circle”. Not everyone becomes a politician, or a salesman, or an athlete. Some do. In sports, ahtletes are pretty useless without spectators.

In economics, products (and hence product-designers and marketeers) are useless without people buying them. And politicians are useless without the electorate.

So in any situation a small group magnifies the power-dynamics within that groups and plays and works with it. Hence, it only makes sense to expect a group of people to do the same in their lovemaking/sexuality. And yes, some do – they are “into BDSM”.

Apparantly “we” are not much different.

But, there may be something else. “We” have things like fetishes, leather “uniforms” and power symbols such as whips.

Ritualistic behavior again is no different from other power situations. The powerful business world has its own symbols and rituals. Try entering a board-meeting in your jeans and T-shirt. No one will identify you are a powerful economical hotshot. However, dress sharp, buy an Armani suit, a tie, a cellphone, an attache-suitcase and an Audi or a Porsche and EVERYONE will recognize you as one. No different from leather trousers and a whip, I’d say.

A police uniform (among other things) is a symbol of power, so is the doctor’s white coat and the teacher’s jeans and sweater. Most members of any social group will tell you: “if you want to be one, look like one”. Show your colors. You don’t go to a baseball-match wearing your fishing outfit (and most certainly not wearing the colors of the club you do NOT support!).

Each social group – especially when it comes to the power dynamics within that group, has its own “fetishes” and rituals. Again, in sexual behavior things are no different. The “sexual power hotshots” (the BDSM-group) have their own. In principle, leather, whips and cuffs are no different from the Armani suit, the police-uniform and the baseball cap. Different in the way they look, but no different when it comes to function.

If the above is all true, is there any difference when it comes to “picking our battle grounds”, i.e. the “arena” where the power play is being exercized?

I’m afraid the answer again is: not really. Politics belong in their specific “houses”: the capitol, town hall, you name it. Legal battles belong in courthouses. Sports have their arenas and stadiums, the business world has its board and meeting rooms and BDSM has: its dungeons and the bedroom.

In other words: magnified power dynamics is nothing new, when it comes to general human behavior. And magnified power dynamics always require their specific environment, their specific rituals, behavior patterns, lingo, norms and values and fetishes and rituals.

So, no – “we” are no different. We’re actually very human.

Ahthor Hans Meijer (54), former Dutch journalist and currently chairman of the Powerotics Foundation fequently publishes about alternative culture and lifestyles.

Author: Hans Meijer
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Canadian crossborder shopping

Looking for BDSM information on the web is not always an easy task. One problem with the process is that most BDSM information sites are really more akin to selling a product or adult DVD than promoting adult dating. As a result, it can be frustrating for those looking for interests or partners in BDSM.

Thankfully, there are some informational resources out there that can provide legitimate information on the subject that many can find helpful. For those with a sincere interest in the subject, here is an overview of BDSM and BDSM dating.

For those not familiar with what BDSM entails, it is a lifestyle based on domination and submission. One partner may be the dominant one and the other may be the submissive one. In some relationships, it is not uncommon for the two to switch roles.

There is also a lot of kinky fetish play that is involved in BDSM relationships. Commonly, such fetish play will entail masochistic components. Such relationships are certainly not easy to pursue since not everyone finds BDSM to be appealing. However, for those that do, this can be considered a popular lifestyle choice.

There are options available to those that would wish to explore BDSM related lifestyles. One of the most common means would be to look through local BDSM based singles sites or publications for ‘munches.’ Munches are basically informal meetings where those with an interest in BDSM can have a luncheon and discuss their interests in a PG rated environment.

For many, this is a decent introduction because it does not have the adult oriented components that may make a newbie looking for BDSM information nervous. Adult oriented adventures can make a lot of people new to such lifestyles nervous. That is why it is best to take a slow approach to the process and engage in a learning stage prior to jumping into anything new.

Some may even look towards BDSM training and educational programs for their BDSM information. Yes, such events exist and they are quite popular in the world of fetish lifestyles. While not dating events, these programs can prove helpful to those that wish to discover more about the lifestyle in a non-stressful manner.

But, what about those individuals that would love to meet someone for BDSM dating? One of the increasingly more popular ways to find someone new would be to look towards online dating sites that cater to BDSM tastes.

Such sites can prove to be the perfect venue for starting your journey because they provide a means in which you can take things slow. You can take your time in order to get a feel for the people involved in the lifestyle. Taking things slow might not always be possible when you are meeting people at a fetish club. This is why the online option should always remain a viable one. For many, the online dating process is perfect for BDSM information.

Seeking BDSM partners? Now find top rated free trial membership sites for BDSM Personals dating. The author, David Kamau, is offering free top-selling books filled with Internet Dating Tips and romance tips, which you can download instantly.

Author: David N Kamau
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Low-volume PCB maker

So you are into BDSM or you think that you may be into and have a problem with introducing your desires to your partner. What if BDSM is not acceptable for her or him? What if you turn your partner away? A lot of questions arise and many people stop at that point. I would like to encourage you to go ahead and give it a try, some stats may give you more confidence.

Some interesting stats on BDSM

Unlike you could think bondage and pain are very common in bedrooms all other the world, several researches show that up to 15% of population use BDSM practices on regular basis and almost 50% of people have a positive erotical reaction on pain. So the chances are your partner is craving for spanking and bondage even more than you do, but is hesitating just like you.

But how?

Ok, many people like it, but how do I ask my partner to try BDSM for the first time? The answer is as short as it’s hard. Just talk to your partner. You should be prepared for the discussion. If you don’t usually talk about sex and the things that turn you on, make it your habit.

Make a list of fantasies that you would like to try, keep it simple for the first time, and let your partner choose the things that may turn both of you on. Maybe you will have an additional list of you partner’s fantasies that you also would like to try. Sometimes people we think we know surprise us.

Don’t try it all at once. Yes, that latex whipping scene in metal bondage on a spaceship was very hot, but try to concentrate on one or two things that you desire most. You can try the sex on spaceship later anyway.

Safe words

Safe words are the other topic you should discuss before the BDSM session. Safe words in BDSM practice are used to stop or slow down the action. Sometimes the shouts “stop” and “no” can mean quite the opposite, especially during flogging or roleplaying, so you should choose the words that will not be commonly used during your sessions, something like “Japan” or “plum”.

Bondage

First option is to try some light bondage. Forget about huge metal constructions and St. Andrew’s cross you’ve seen in a movies on those sites. You don’t want you partner to run away in fear, do you? Although handcuffs from an adult online store are a good idea but I personally recommend trying something like a scarf or piece of cotton rope. Do not use pantyhose or silk scarf. They are too thin and can cut the blood circulation, so don’t use them until you got some expertise.

Tie your partner to a bedpost, a chair, a banister if you have one or just tie the hands behind the back. Bear in mind that in case of hands behind you can’t lay the partner on the back, it’s uncomfortable. Tease your partner with pain or pleasure, that’s your choice, surprise is a part of fun, but don’t forget the set limits.

Spanking

Most of pairs practicing BDSM use spanking at least as part of foreplay and it’s accepted as a common practice even by those who are not into BDSM, so why don’t you try it first. Bend you partner other the knees, or tie the partner to the bed to add tension and give a slap. Don’t rush, spank slow and easy at first, pay attention to partner’s reaction. Don’t push your partner too hard, in best case you should slow down before you hear the safe word.

In fact some people can wait and endure the pain just because they want your approval. Don’t abuse these good feelings, you need to find the pain limits of your partner based both on verbal and nonverbal reactions.

Whipping

Whipping is a more complicated matter than spanking as it involves using the tools like floggers, belts, whips and so on. Adult stores nowadays offer a wide variety of devices that can look hot for you, but don’t forget that they can scare off your partner. Try a soft flogger at first.

Choose the flogger with many wide tails, the wider the better. Make sure it’s made of soft leather or suede and try it on your own hand. Remember, this is all to make your partner feel comfortable and get him used to the BDSM techniques. Show the device to your partner before the session, let him or her get used to it.

As with spanking start slow and easy as you are not professional yet, be careful. Try to focus on buttocks as they are less vulnerable to an accidental damage. Be sure to read some additional literature on whipping technique as it is very important for your partners health.

Go on and try!

To sum it all up starting practicing BDSM with your partner is rather simple, so go ahead and try. I’ve prepared a short list to show you how easy every step is.

• Make a list of fantasies that you would like to try with your partner.
• Discuss the list and choose the things that turn both of you on.
• Set the safe words that will stop or slow down the session.
• Choose and buy the equipment that clicks with both of you (if you need it).
• Turn off the phones and try some BDSM action!
• Discuss the session with you partner.

I recommend you write a list of desires right now, open Notepad, MS Word, OpenOffice or whatever you have and do it, don’t waste your time. After that you can read some additional articles right here on EzineArticles. And do talk to you partner this week.

http://lesbianbdsm.kinky-thingy.com/bdsm-stats/

Author: Johan Tyros
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Pressure cooker