Bondage Radio

If anyone were to ask what ‘Dominance and submission’ is, they’d receive almost as many answers as people who practice it. Simply stated, though, most would agree that D/s consists of a consensual relationship that is based around a power exchange between two people. One person is the controlling one, known as the Dominant; the other person is the controlled one, and is known as the submissive (note that ‘Dominant’ is usually capitalised and that ‘submissive’ is not). The submissive gives a certain amount of ‘power’ to the Dominant over their lives. This can be as simple as the Dominant telling them what to wear each day, or can be as complex as them having to ask the Dominant for permission to even leave the room. The important thing to note here is that we are talking about consensual relationships. The rights of the submissive are not taken from them, they are given freely during a period of negotiation.

Total Power Exchange

Arguably, the ‘pinnacle’ of D/s relationships is a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship, where the submissive gives up all control to the Dominant. Total means just that. The Dominant controls every aspect of their lives from what they wear or eat, to where they go and who they see. There are many that claim to have this, but this Researcher has seen few real examples. It should be emphasised that this is only arguably the pinnacle of D/s relationships. The other side of the coin is that every D/s relationship is just as good no matter how much power is exchanged.

Some Terms

Before we go too much further, let’s define a few terms that exist within the D/s lifestyle:

• Dominant – The person who has been given some amount of control over the submissive. Other terms describing them are Dom and Domme.
• submissive – The person who gives some amount of control to the Dominant. Other terms describing them are sub, pet and slave.
• D/s – Dominance and submission. A power exchange relationship.
• Lifestyle – Generally those that practice D/s are part of ‘the lifestyle’. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a descriptive term.
• Vanilla – a non-D/s relationship.
• 24/7 – Living a D/s relationship 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To put it another way, you are always in a power exchange relationship.
• Scene – The best way to describe this is to think of a ‘scene’ from a movie. This is one interaction between a Dom and a sub. It doesn’t have to be sexual; all that is required is that a power exchange has taken place. Those not in a 24/7 relationship tend to have ‘scenes’ where the power exchange happens. Even those in 24/7 relationships can have scenes, where the exchange becomes deeper.
• Top – A person who Dominates for only a scene. If you think of it as a ‘one night stand’ in the D/s lifestyle you wouldn’t be quite correct, but it’s a good start. This doesn’t mean that the Top is a ‘Dominant’, just that the dominate for the one scene.
• bottom – A person who is submissive for only a scene. This does not mean the person is always a submissive, just that they are submissive for the scene. See ‘Top’.
• Switch – Someone who switches between the Dominant and submissive roles.
• Safewords – These are words that are used by either Dom or sub to slow down, or stop a scene. Having negotiated a safeword is very important. It means that if something is happening that makes either person uncomfortable, they can either back off a little, or stop.

A Few Myths

Let’s look at what a D/s relationship isn’t.

D/s Isn’t about Abuse

Though the point has already been made it’s important to emphasise that this article is about a consensual power exchange. Whatever happens to the sub, whatever demands are made of them, they have agreed to this. If they haven’t, if they never asked for this, or they don’t want this, then it’s an abusive relationship and is not the kind of relationship covered by this entry.

submissives Aren’t always Women

If your image of a submissive is a woman, no matter how she’s dressed, think again. There are a great number of male submissives out there.

submissives Aren’t Weak

If someone has to have someone else run their lives for them they must be weak, right? Wrong. Many submissives are quite powerful people outside their D/s relationship: lawyers, managers, business people, police, soldiers and so on. For some, being a submissive in the home, or merely in the bedroom, is a way of escaping from the normal pressures of being in charge.

D/s Isn’t about Kinky Sex

Sure, D/s couples often have kinky sex. Then again, vanilla couples often do too. What defines a D/s relationship has very little to do with the methods used, so much as the power exchange. A simple ‘no’ when a sub asks if they can have a drink can have as much ‘power’ as getting them to kneel.

Entering a D/s Relationship

When two people are about to enter a D/s relationship, the first step is negotiation. This is a period where no power exchange occurs, but is a discussion where the parameters of the relationship are discussed. How much power will the Dominant have over the submissive? What hard limits do both have; that is, to what activities are one or both opposed? What will be the safewords? What will be the period of the relationship?

Often after negotiation a contract is drawn up, setting out all of the parameters discussed. In this way there can be no misunderstandings.

Collars

In most Western marriages, the symbols of the marriage are the wedding rings worn by the happy couple. You can probably think of a collar meaning a similar thing to a wedding ring, although in a D/s relationship it’s more common for only the sub to wear a collar to show that they are owned by or bound to a Dom.

Collars come in all shapes and sizes, from a leather collar that is remarkably similar to that worn by pets, to elegant necklaces that could be worn at the classiest society ball. A collar is a symbol and is therefore as individual as the Dominant and submissive within the D/s relationship.

Why on Earth Would you Go through all This?

It seems a D/s relationship is an awful lot of work, doesn’t it? Negotiation, contracts, safewords before you even get to the relationship itself. Yes, it is a lot of work, but the rewards can be worth it.

At this point it should be noted that a D/s relationship is not for everyone. Most relationships, even vanilla ones, contain power exchanges. In some relationships one partner is always Dominant, in other relationships whoever is Dominant changes almost constantly. That, however, doesn’t mean that the whole relationship should become a D/s one. Some couples only practice D/s in the bedroom, others in the home, others all the time and some never.

Like all relationships, good communication is needed to keep a D/s relationship on track. The difference here, is that it is essential to the success of a D/s relationship. The basis of a D/s relationship is trust. This is not just the trust that neither partner will cheat, but the sort of deep trust where the partners will trust each other with their lives. For the submissive, they need to trust the Dominant with their physical and mental health; to trust that the Dominant will guide and protect them. For the Dominant this means trusting that the submissive is totally truthful with them, giving them all the information they need to make good decisions.

As the communication flows more freely and the trust grows, the entire relationship becomes deeper and more fulfilling. This also applies to a vanilla relationship, but there isn’t necessarily the same impetus to keep communication flowing.

Traps and Pitfalls

The submissive gives power to the Dominant. This means the submissive can open themselves to abuse. This risk can be lessened by keeping the following in mind. They’re not bad guidelines for vanilla relationships either:

• Don’t trust too easily. Trust is earned. Before giving someone power over you, make sure they can be trusted. Take time to learn about the person.
• Go slowly. Don’t be impatient for it all to happen at once. Take it in small steps.
• Be honest. Don’t say things just to please your partner. If you don’t like something, or are unsure, say so. By the same token, if you like it a lot, say so.
• If there is the smallest hint of abuse, back off. No matter how good your partner is in other areas, if they are abusive, leave. Sometimes we do hurt others by mistake, but if there is obvious abusive behaviour, either mental or physical, then leave.
• Remember that everyone is human, and thus can make mistakes. Don’t let a mistake ruin the relationship. Instead, talk about it openly, and try to learn something from it to help the relationship grow.

Most people find it hard to describe themselves and in online dating personal ads or profiles, they are even worse. Daters tend to mention things in their profile which they would otherwise never reveal to someone upon first meeting. A search through any personals ad website will make it clear that singles do not talk about the important and relevant items for choosing a date or partner. A typical online dating ad is littered with points such as these:

• Subjective self-descriptive phrases such as “I am honest, creative,
  and spontaneous, “ignoring one important question: who doesn’t think
  that about themselves?!
• Incessant rambling about a favorite TV show, baseball team or rock band. Would you REALLY choose a partner based on that?!
• Sexual innuendos: I like full body massages from my girlfriend/boyfriend, like kissing in public, and so on.

Online Dating Profile Tips

Here are some tips on how to go about writing a great online dating profile. Tips that you should discuss in your profile that highlights and gets the real you across in the message, including a glimpse into your personality. This kind of help should get responses from the right people, making your dating ad worthwhile.

The best way to write a profile is to imagine yourself meeting someone new for the first time in a casual, no pressure setting such as a coffee shop, a local bar, or friend’s party. Think about the kind of things you would tell others about yourself. Your dating profile or personal ad is the same idea extended onto the Internet.

Follow a factual but casual approach to writing your personal ad. You want to let the people get to know concrete things about you, but at the same time, your ad should not come across as a boring resume. Sprinkle it with some humor and exclamation marks! Make it fun and interesting.

A good online dating profile has 200-250 words, with 150-200 words for yourself, and 50-100 words describing the kind of person you are looking for.

Discuss Your Career History and Plans

Talk about schools you have attended, jobs you have held, and your future career aspirations. These are generally looked at as positive. Think of it as the first conversation you are having with someone: Don’t we usually talk about we do? This is excellent to write about in a dating profile. Be somewhat brief because you don’t want to go on and on about selling shoes, delivering the mail, or designing and cars.

If you have children, tell the other online dating singles a little about them. This is an important part of your life, and will peak the interests of people who are interested in dating you. Mention their ages, and whether or not they live with you. Don’t describe them too much but giving their ages for example, makes you come across as a normal parent.

If you have moved around a bit in your life, mention the places
where you have lived. It gets more people interested in you and wanting
to write to you. For example, if you are presently living in Los
Angeles but have lived in Dallas, someone who has a Texas connection is
more likely to write to you. If you have lived internationally, all the
better-people are always interested in life in other places and
cultures.

If you have just moved to where you are living now, mention that.
People love playing tourist guides. They are eager to know new faces
from other parts of the country or the world. They can also help you
settle down in the town more easily-so even if nothing happens
romance-wise, you can always make some good friends.

If you speak a foreign language, mention that. It attracts
attention. Along the same lines, mention a little of your family
genealogy, as people may find a connection there as well (e.g. I have a
Scottish or Chinese mother).

Funny and Witty Go a Long Way in Dating

Talk about how you entertain yourself. This is where you can be
funny and witty, so exercise your imagination. Mention about your
social circle. Are you a social person? Do you have many friends? Do
you go out with them a lot? What activities do you do with them? If you
have a good relationship with your siblings, your parents, and your
family, mention it. Mention if they live close to you, and how often
you see them.

Mention if you like pets, and have any of your own.

When you are talking about the person you are looking for, be clear
about your requirements, but make sure you don’t limit yourself
unnecessarily. If you do not want to date men who have kids, say so. If
you do not want to go out with smokers, mention it clearly in your ad.
Again, be careful because you are restricting potential mates here.
Write personals ads and develop your online dating profile with items
that you are very sure you absolutely want or do not want in a
potential partner.

Mention if you are looking for a stable relationship or if you are
just looking to make friends and will see how things go from there
(“looking for nice and interesting people to hang out with”).

Dating Profile Writing and You

In the end, remember to be yourself and let others know what you
want. It will save you a lot of time and effort and just might pay off!
Good luck!

By: David Tottenham

BDSM is a pretty compact acronym which stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. BDSM in general involves a variety of sexual practices and relationships.

For this, however, let us try to focus on the “B” word; bondage. What exactly is it about getting handcuffed which turns some people on? If your sex life is lagging, is bondage really an effective way to add some spice into your love play? Read on to find out more…

When Bound is Not Necessarily Battered

First up, here’s a quick definition of bondage. From the perspective of BDSM, bondage involves tying up or restraining someone to induce sexual pleasure.

There are a few quick facts that you need to know about bondage if you haven’t tried it yet. No matter what your sexual orientation is, you might just be turned on by the sight of your partner with his or her hands cuffed to the bed posts. Perhaps it’s the novelty of the act of bondage, but it can also be the thought of mastering your control over your partner which proves to be a huge turn on.

Another thing that you need to know about bondage is that it is not necessarily the violent nature of the act which provides a strong erotic appeal for most people. Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of bondage discipline, this will allow you to get lost in a world where your sexual fantasies will come into play.

Bondage Sex Toys for Beginners

Now that you have an idea about the appeal that bondage has to some people, what are the beginner sex toys that you can use to introduce some BDSM into your love play with your partner?

The most basic bondage sex toys that you can try out as a beginner include handcuffs, erection rings and nipple clamps. For the mid-level to advanced level of BDSM, you can graduate to the more sophisticated bondage sex toys which include a full bedroom bondage or fetish kit, spanking paddles, whips, sex furniture, love swings, hammocks and electro stimulation toys.

If you want to up the ante in your sex life, bondage is definitely the way to go. Not only will you be able to fulfill your deepest, darkest sexual fantasies – but you and your partner will be able to connect on a more intimate level in the bedroom that is bound to add that extra spice to your sex life.

About the Author:

By: Francis Githinji

Some people cannot put a finger on what their fetish is. Some know them but they think they are way too abnormal. What would you say a fetish is? It is word which means false charm, power or object. It is something you are obsessed with. It can be a body part or an object. Your sexual gratification is fixated on a particular thing. It becomes a fetish when you cannot sexually get satisfied unless you fantasize about it. It is so bad that even when you masturbate you must have it in mind and still when you are with a partner sexually it has to be present or somewhere in your imagination. For instance you might find brunettes attractive which is ok but if you cannot get sexually aroused without their presence, then you certainly have a serious fetish for brunettes.

A fetish transfers power from an original object or charm to a substitute. A person who has fetishes is known as fetishist whose operation is outside the circle of what is practically considered to be normal. The variety of fetishes depend on the object where the fetish is placed upon. The known inanimate fetishes are found in three varieties. The first one is a media fetish where the fixation is all about materials such as rubber, silk, latex and leather among others. The second variety is called a form fetish where the obsession is about the shape of the object. A good example of form fetishes are stilettos, knee-high boots and certain lingerie. When the object of obsession involves body parts, the type of fetish is categorized under animate fetishes. They can be breasts, hair, feet butts and any other body part.

People have the capacity of turning anything in to a fetish. There are mild and extreme fetishes. You can be able to assess the degree of your obsessive fixation according to whether it affects your relationships and your daily life. If it interferes with your activities you should seek professional help from a psychologist. Try as much as possible to tame your fetish because when if it goes wild it becomes a mental disorder. A fetish might be triggered by something. We were not born with these obsessions. We acquire them later in life as we develop. A guy admitted that he developed a fetish for tongue rings after being orally pleasured by a woman who had one. The cold abject rubbed against his manhood while her hot mouth was engulfing him. Such a guy is likely not to get sexual gratification by romancing an ordinary girl. He needs one with a tongue ring. Experiences make us develop a fetish.

It is amazing to learn that fetishes are our deep down turn on. We might never talk about them but in your gut you know it. Some men marry beautiful and humble wives while what turns them on is a “bad girl”. A girl with a crazy hairstyle and who can perform any act on them sexually. These idols are in movies and men close their eyes and fantasize about them. If you can watch a certain movie from Monday to Monday every day like there is no tomorrow, you probably have a fetish for that bad girl in the movie. A husband confessed that in order to orgasm, he had to fantasize that he was making love to this “bad girl” in his favorite movie.

About the Author:

By: Andrew clinton

Do you ever find yourself wondering if your sex life is normal? Do you equate frequency with normalcy? Do you compare your sex life with your friends’? If yes don’t worry you are not alone! A lot us sometimes fret needlessly about our sex-lives and sex-drives, thanks to the numerous myths about sex. The following are some of the most common ones;

Myth- Going straight to Sleep after a romantic dinner is not normal.

Fact- It is in fact perfectly normal to want to sleep after a fulfilling meal. Good food can in fact kill your sex-drive and make you sleepy. It’s actually better to have sex before you set out for a romantic meal!

Myth- It’s not normal if you (women) don’t have an orgasm during intercourse.

Fact- What’s more important than an orgasm is how much pleasure you give each other? You may have enjoyed the fore-play but may still not have an orgasm, don’t worry, its normal! In fact according to some recent research studies most women don’t have an orgasm during intercourse, but it doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it!

Myth- Men always want sex.

Fact- Completely untrue! Just like women men may not always be in the mood to have sex. In fact this myth is responsible for men’s performance anxiety and sometimes erection trouble as well. It’s because men believe that it’s normal to always want sex and they worry about their being normal, when they don’t want sex!

Myth- It’s not normal to be interested in sex after a certain age.

Fact- False again! It’s biologically and psychologically normal to be interested in sex till the end of your life!

Myth: It’s normal for women to lose their sex-drive after menopause.

Fact- The truth is far from it! Many women actually enjoy sex more after menopause since they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. Also thanks to hormone replacement therapy (HRT) many women aren’t plagued with the low sex drive and vaginal dryness often associated with menopause.

Myth- You must have sex at least 3 times a week.

Fact- As long as you are both satisfied with the frequency, even if you have sex once in two weeks, it’s normal! Don’t put too much stress on quantity as long as you are both happy with your sex life. If you are not then you will have to talk it out with your partner and figure out the reason for his/her lack of interest.

Finally, good sex is what makes you and your partner happy, everything else is a myth!