Bondage-Radio

I am new to this lifestyle and am in my first D/s relationship. We have set up a safeword but I have mixed feelings about it. I know it is for my protection. One of my fears is that I will use it too easily or readily instead of trying to explore and push my limits. I also have reservations about using it because I feel that if I do then I will letting us both down and ultimately disappoint Him, which is the last thing I want to do.

Thanks.

There are many arguments for and against the use of safewords while scening. For people who are scening together for the first time, or those who are new to BDSM, having a safeword in place can add a level of safety that lets both submissive and dominant relax into the scene better. Those who are in established, long-term relationships may find that the need for safewords is diminished.

A rare few dominant types will proclaim that the use of a safeword ends not only the scene but the relationship. In my opinion, these are the words of dominant types who do not understand the purpose behind the use of safewords. It’s emotional blackmail on a grand scale. No one is omnipotent. No one can anticipate every reaction their submissive partner will have. An activity that you tolerated without any difficulty one time, may elicit a different reaction the next time around. Sensations that you enjoyed one time, may be unbearable the next. It is at times like this when having a quick way of telling your partner that you are not able to cope is so vitally important.

Once you have used a safeword, it doesn’t end there. That’s when the two of you talk about why you needed to stop. What was going on in your mind? What was happening to you physically? How did you feel about everything up to that point? Then you can plan on how you should do things differently the next time around.

It is not a cop out to use a safeword. Nor should it be used as a form of blackmail against the submissive “If you use your safeword, our relationship is over.” It’s a way of saying — okay, things are getting a bit too much for me right now. I need to stop what we are doing.

Yes, you may feel a bit disappointed that you had to stop. This is better than regretting that you didn’t.

Having said that, if it were a case of my hand going to sleep or my leg being twisted or anything of that nature, I personally wouldn’t safeword, I’d just tell him. “My hand has gone numb.”, “My leg is twisted.” and then he can deal with it by adjusting my leg or loosening the bond and letting the blood flow back into my hand and the scene can continue uninterrupted. If things were such though that I needed to stop, I would tell my dominant partner that the scene needed to end.

Safewords are a quick and easy tool used to communicate needs. Like any other tool, it is only as good as the people using them. That’s where common sense comes in. Make sure anyone you even consider scening with holds the use of safewords, whether that safeword is a word or a phrase or a full sentence, to the same level of importance that you do.

sleepyNan

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